The novel "Bullfly" was known to me when I read "How Steel is Made", and the protagonist Paul Kochakin said that "when I read "Bullfly", I did not feel the pain of the wound" This sentence aroused my interest, I inquired around about the book, I wanted to borrow it to see, but my language teacher said that there was something in that book that talked about love and religion, it was the bourgeois set, which was banned, which actually stimulated my curiosity and made me more eager to find this book.
The first time I read "Cattle Fly" was in early 1974, when I had just graduated from high school and one day I went to a particularly good classmate, and he was secretly reading the book, so fascinated that he didn't even notice me when I walked around. I snatched it up and saw that it was a book wrapped in white paper, and when I opened the title page inside, it was "Bullfly", and I frightened him: "You are so bold, dare to look at poisonous weeds." He dared to "boo" a sound, let me whisper, and then said: "It's so beautiful, I can't bear to let go!" "I stubbornly insisted that he lend me the book, and even threatened him, and if he didn't lend it, he would "denounce him," and he had to promise to lend it to me after reading it, giving me only a one-day deadline, because he also had to fulfill his promise to return the book in three days.
At that time, what was said on the radio and written on the street was: "When intellectual youth go to the countryside, they can make great achievements there," "We also have two hands, and we don't eat idle meals in the city." There have been several mobilization meetings for graduates in the streets, asking us to go up the mountain and go to the countryside and contact where to place us. However, the news from the "old third term" who were sent to the countryside was that the countryside did not "have much to do," that many places lacked clothing and food, that the agricultural work was very heavy, that it was not done well, and that even having enough to eat was a problem. At that time, what was proposed was "taking root in the countryside and doing a lifelong revolution", which meant that when you went down to the countryside, you could not come back. I don't want to go, and I can't go, and I was worried about that time: the future is long, where is the road?
Being able to read the book "Oxfly" is a great blessing in my life, it is like a pillar of sunlight shining on me through the smog, shining into my soul, making my spirit invigorated and feeling transparent. At that time, I graduated from high school and was classified as a "knowledgeable youth", but during my schooling period, the Cultural Revolution had been carried out for eight years, during which there were several "reopening of classes to make revolutions", and classes could not be kept normal, except for a few words, where is the amount of knowledge? So when I got the book "Cattle Fly" and spent more than a day swallowing dates and browsing through it, I didn't know a lot of it, especially about terms such as religion, what Christians, hymns and the like had never been heard of, and many of the characters, plots, and stories in the book were not impressed. But the image of the protagonist Arthur in the book penetrates deep into my heart, excites me, moves me.
Nineteen-year-old Arthur was a little older than I was, a young man of this age, particularly curious, sensitive, full of justice, full of sand in his eyes, unable to tolerate sand in his eyes, obsessed with fantasies, and looking forward to the future; as a kind, pure sunshine boy, he respected priests, loved his girlfriends, believed in friends, was influenced by the revolutionaries, ready to "dedicate himself to Italy and expel the Austrians", he chose to take "our responsibility to the people, and to ourselves" as a belief, everything was so calm, confident, and beautiful. However, the new priest is a hypocritical spy, Arthur was betrayed by this priest when he repented, and after his release from prison, he was first slapped by his beloved girlfriend, and when he returned home, he was told that he was an illegitimate child, and it was his respected and trusted godfather Montenelli who deceived him, and this series of blows made him almost mentally broken, so he created a suicide illusion and ran away from home. Thirteen years of wandering and wandering abroad, suffering unimaginable inhuman treatment and suffering, so that a woman with a beautiful appearance like a woman, a weak scholar, he grew up and transformed into a warrior, a tough man, a warrior who dared to fight against the evil forces and the church, and a fighting "bullfly".
When I read it, I had a deep empathy for Arthur's thoughts and thoughts, a special understanding and appreciation for what he did, and a special hatred for his later revenge on Montenelli's words and deeds, probably because I was also in adolescence, rebellion, and I read a lot of "eight model plays" and some "tall, big, and complete" literary works that never talked about love, and suddenly saw a "forbidden book" describing love and hatred, I felt very excited, the words and deeds of the bullfly made my blood boil, let me worship, become a hero in my mind, he was unyielding, The spirit of seeing death as a homecoming, the courage to bear, and the courage to resist penetrated deep into my bone marrow, making me realize that if a person wants to grow and mature, he must go through purgatory-like tribulations, otherwise it is impossible to grow into a real "hero". Arthur's statement to the priest, "I must go my own way and follow the light I see," was implanted in my heart and became an oath of revolutionary heroism that accompanied me growing up.
In April of that year (1974), we were sent to the countryside in the midst of singing and dancing, which was the only way for the vast majority of young people at that time. Rural life and work are a great test for every young person who grows up in the city. But the brave spirit and firm willpower of the bullfly gave me infinite motivation, I held the mentality of "following the light and taking my own path", taking the initiative to temper myself and hammer my heart, from passively bearing hardships to actively challenging pain and facing difficulties. Psychological changes make those tiring much easier. What I still remember is that whenever I encounter difficulties and problems, the oxfly seems to stand next to me, looking at me with a furrowed brow, and then a force rises in my heart: Compared with him, what is this little difficulty? Without the torment of suffering, who can grow into a revolutionary hero? If you want to grow and mature, you must dare to face difficulties, overcome difficulties, and dare to fight with demons. So confidence rose sharply, and the difficulties and obstacles quietly retreated, and I even found the joy of victory in it.
I remember quarrying in the mountains, it was a bitter, tiring and dangerous labor, I imagined myself as arthur in the iron mine is suffering, when I swing the ten-pound hammer and smash the hammer into the iron braze, the other people shout is the trumpet, I shout in my heart is "fight", over and over again, the strength increases by one point, I think I will eventually become "Arthur - a fighting bullfly", "a happy flyfly". When the mentality changes, when the hardship is treated with an optimistic attitude, it can be enjoyed in the bitterness; the body is tempered, the soul is happy, and the difficulties are not enough to be afraid of. Because of this, in addition to being busy farming, I insisted on studying, reading, reading newspapers, tempering myself at the same time enriching and improving myself, and later caught up with the college entrance examination, and I was lucky that we took the train of the times.
Looking back today, although the countryside is bitter, it is not as harsh as the environment in which Arthur lived, and we have not suffered so much, so we have not grown into heroes and transformed into "cattle flies". But as a young person, there is an image as a model for oneself, there is a spirit supporting oneself, which can make oneself have a frame of reference, and do not feel despair in the worst years, the darkest years, because you can imagine: I have not suffered so much, I have not undergone such a difficult test, not so difficult, even if it is really so bitter, so difficult, others can endure, why can't I? People may not be able to become heroes, but they must be able to accept the test and overcome difficulties, which is the power of faith.
Arthur chose "our responsibility to the people, and our responsibility to ourselves" as a kind of faith, so his death was destined to be immortal and respected.
The power of faith is enormous. Only when you inject the light of faith into your heart in your youth can you work hard and persevere in the pursuit of faith, and make youth more brilliant.
The book "Oxfly" gave me a different kind of youth. Looking back, I deeply realize that at a critical moment in life, reading a valuable book has a really great impact on people.
Text/Huang Shuyuan (The author is the former president of the People's Publishing House)