Looking back on thirty years of life, I feel that my life may be destined to be a process of constantly breaking free from the shackles and finding myself!
When I was young, I wanted to break free from my father's discipline and shackles, to be a child who did not disappoint my father, and at the same time I wanted to be a person who would no longer disappoint myself.
For a long time in my childhood, I have been trying to get rid of all kinds of constraints on myself, but I am deeply trapped in it and can't extricate myself, but there is always a voice in my heart telling me that I can't go on like this!
But the stronger I think this, the more opposing voices will come against me, hit me, suppress me, and keep telling me that I can't think like this, and I feel very disappointed in myself!
Since I came out of the society to work, I have been working hard to get rid of all kinds of shackles, I want to make money, I want to grow up, I want to rely on myself for everything, I don't want to rely on anyone anymore!
Later, I found that part-time work has no future, part-time work has many constraints, I chose to start a business, although it is freer than before, but it seems that the workload is much more than before!
Then, after I tried and made mistakes again and again, holding on to the Yellow River and not dying, as long as I thought it was an opportunity, I did not hesitate to do it, and when I finally had a small company and a small team of my own, I found that the ensuing brought me great challenges and tests, which was unimaginable difficulty when I used to work.
Then later, I got married, my father was sick, I was in debt, I found that my shackles were much more, and I still wanted to break free of them, because these constraints made me feel that I could not play my own abilities freely, as if I had been suppressed!
If I can't use my abilities, am I still me? For me, whether responsibility is a constraint or an achievement is really a problem, I want to survive on my own ability, but I will always stay in the battle between bondage and break free, and from here it seems to have begun to lose myself!
I don't know how much these past efforts and difficulties in life have to do with my desire to break free, but it certainly has something to do with myself, and it has something to do with my pursuit!
Now that my father is dead, I will no longer be bound and pointed out by my father, I have my own children, I have to fight for my little family, I have to make money to pay off debts, and at the same time I have to take care of my biological father, because it is my stepfather who died, this is what I know after the death of my stepfather!
Before I got married, these things I did not dare to imagine, but also things I did not think of, I want to fight against the shackles of fate, I do not dare to believe that I can create a better future!
I recognized myself as an ordinary person who could no longer be ordinary, and the bad thing was that my fate was a very tragic person.
Now I also know that perhaps every awakened person needs to go through the painful experience of cocooning themselves to breaking the cocoon into a butterfly, and finally form a force with their own destiny again!
For the past to constantly break free from the shackles, when I get rid of the old shackles followed by the new shackles, I am always constantly breaking, constantly continuing to re-establish the shackles, as if this is the rope of my destiny!
I long for the day when I can live as strong as I think, make myself indestructible, see the heavens and the earth, see all beings, see the real self, not the self that is covered by layers of fog and bondage!
Maybe this is the direction I want to fight for for the rest of my life, without fear of good or bad, and see death as a homecoming!
I long to leave this world one day, in addition to material, family, money, what can be left is a state of life of free thought and independent spirit!
Past Dry Goods Articles:
Our parents' generation ran to eat, and now we live to pay off our debts
Author's introduction: I am Guo Yan on the road of debt, recording my own process from cocooning myself to breaking the cocoon into a butterfly, focusing on self-media operations and debt strategy sharing and personal efforts to dry goods, the wish is to spend my life in the way I like, hoping to inspire more people to find their true selves and make themselves a better self!
Be the truest version of yourself, live the coolest days, and enjoy the hardships and happiness that life brings me.