Why do adolescent children become angry youth? Lack of realism about the world lacks an understanding of human sophistication

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The brain of adolescent children is undergoing drastic changes, there will be "secondary two diseases", feel the hypocrisy of the world, need adults to listen patiently, leading children to cross the emotional vortex.

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Author: Zhou Yuru, Director of the Department of Preschool Education, Tsinghua University, Taiwan, Columnist of "Parent-Child World", former researcher of the Institute of Learning and Teaching of Central University, editor-in-chief of "Children's Life Education Special Journal", and his book is "Listening to Babies". Parent-child cooperation has been carried out to develop the excellent courses "Zhou Yuru: How to Develop Children's Reading Potential" and "Zhou Yuru: How to Do a Good Job in Children's Emotional Education", and more than 80,000 people have joined the study.

Parents often find it difficult for adolescent children to understand, because the brain is changing drastically at this time, which is another peak of brain change after the "first rebellious period of life" around the age of two or three. Adults can understand and lead adolescent children across emotional and cognitive changes in order to accompany them to successfully "turn into adults".

The cognitive development of the adolescent brain shifts from absolute, univariate, and linear thinking to relative, pluralistic, and critical thinking, while self-monitoring, introspection, and posterior abilities emerge.

In addition, the child will have another wave of new self-centered thinking, he will feel that the whole world I am a unique, very special existence, so there will be some imagination that lacks a sense of reality, thinking that there is a world that is not exactly the same as the real world, and only I can perceive, touch and understand the world.

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Theoretically, if the development of "secondary two diseases" is understood and assisted by parents, it will slowly disappear after puberty. If parents have been denying the thinking of adolescent children on surreal themes, without the process of companionship and discussion, the child's cognitive development is not easy to complete, and in the future, it may really become an adult who lacks a sense of reality.

On the way to helping children "turn adults", there is an important process of emotional learning, including identification, understanding, expression and regulation.

Emotional expression consists of at least two levels, the first of which is the ability to accurately and fully convey hazy, inner feelings through linguistic representations.

Many adolescent children lack the ability to understand and express their emotions, and when they encounter very complex events, you ask him: "How do you feel?" His responses were probably twofold: "I think it's cool" or "I think it's very upset." But what is cool in cool? What's upset about it?

To clarify emotions requires a very rich emotional language, not only emotional vocabulary, but also the description of the situation that triggers emotions, the causes and consequences of events, and this complex thinking process can bring about a deeper and complete understanding of emotions.

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Another level of emotional expression is to learn "don't express indiscriminately", that is, to teach adolescent children to recognize the so-called emotional unspoken rules in society. For example, in the classroom, you feel that the teacher does not talk well, but you can't show it, because you don't want to be treated, and it is not suitable for disrespecting the teacher, so even if you have real emotions in your heart, you must present appropriate behavior on the outside.

If the learning is not appropriate, although the child thinks that this is called "true temperament", it will lead to poor interpersonal relations because of inappropriate expression, but let people feel that he has a problem.

The "contradiction" in emotional expression needs to be learned, for example, parents may tell their children: "I think the neighbor next door is very annoying." Then wait a moment to open the door and say hello.

Adolescent children will think that their parents' behavior is very hypocritical, he will begin to be sensitive to these things, parents obviously do not like this neighbor, why when they meet this neighbor, they do not show each other, but instead show him politeness? Parents must let their children understand, because this is respect for people, based on interpersonal harmony and show the "contradiction" of real emotions and external behavior, which will not cause their own personality conflicts and antagonisms.

The next level is the understanding of human nature, even thoughtful understanding.

Therefore, in the cultivation of emotional power, we should accompany the child from expressing real emotions to gradually transforming into being able to understand the human condition that social operations must have, so that socialized and appropriate expressions can be made.

In this way, the child will slowly mature, when he matures to a situation, the child will eventually experience that everyone has its value, but also its limitations and difficulties, not everyone is perfect, and then he can grow up again, developing a true empathy, considerate and loving heart.

But if there is no opportunity to turn these three levels around and stay at a very low level, the child will only see that the world is hypocritical, or that this is despicable human nature.

Now a large number of children in society who did not receive emotional and emotional and thinking development support during adolescence have become cynical, the whole world is sorry for me, I must go on the road to protest, such children may be partly emotional and cognitive thinking is not fully developed, immature children. What they need is understanding and teaching, not accusation, and we have a responsibility to guide them to develop the three levels completely.

To help children to carry out cognitive and emotional transformation, reading is a good medium, whether it is a book or a movie, a drama, with children from the story to see the complex level of human interaction, to perceive the finite and infinite of people, reading and discussion will help children develop moral speculation and emotional ability.

Adolescence is an important period of personality development, the understanding and guidance of parents and teachers is the key to whether children have the opportunity to develop and mature well, we should not miss our opportunities and responsibilities. (Finishing/Chen Yingci)

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