Confucius criticized Zigong for talking about others. The original text is, Zigong Fangren (Fang ren, ridicule others, that is, discuss the mistakes and faults of others). Zi Yue: "Give it also sage?" Husband and I have no time. ”
This passage translates to: Zigong talks about others. Confucius said to him, "Oh yes, are you so good?" I don't have that kind of idle time in these situations. ”
Confucius was right to criticize Zigong. Because in Confucius's view, everyone is not a perfect person, will have such shortcomings, and will make such and such mistakes. Since people cannot be perfect, there is no need to talk too much about them, nor to point out their shortcomings too much. Because even if they point it out, they won't necessarily be able to correct it. Because some of man's shortcomings are brought about by himself as soon as he is born, he cannot overcome himself. Since they cannot be corrected, instead of constantly pointing out to them and accusing them, it is better to let nature develop by themselves. Besides, it takes time and effort to take care of these things for others. Confucius was immersed in his own learning, so he said that he did not have this kind of idle work.
People today must also follow the teachings of Confucius, that is, to understand that everyone has shortcomings. Since everyone will have shortcomings, don't ignore your own shortcomings, but keep an eye on the shortcomings of others, and keep talking about them. And this kind of chatter is not only useless, but also harmful. For interpersonal relationships, if you point out your friend's shortcomings too much, he will not only fail to correct them, but also make him very frustrated. Because for what you can't correct yourself, what do you tell him? When you ask him in this way, you are telling him to deny himself completely and become a man again. And to deny yourself completely, he is not him, not your friend who has his own shortcomings and has his own unique personality, but another person.
For the child's education, you can only cultivate his good habits as much as possible and correct his mistakes. And for his small shortcomings, such as being active, noisy, talking a lot, etc., what can be guided will be guided, and what cannot be corrected cannot be forced. Because it is their nature to be active and noisy. If you are suppressed, he will obey, but at the same time it will cause another disadvantage, that is, he will become depressed, aggrieved, and silent. To transform a child from one kind of shortcoming to another, parents should weigh and grasp how they should choose.
As for husband and wife, we cannot blame each other for shortcomings. Because as mentioned earlier, many shortcomings of people are brought from the womb of the mother and cannot be changed at all. As a couple, you either accept or give up, and there is no other choice. You want to change the other person, that's impossible. Again, even the bad habits that are acquired are the result of long-term accumulation, and it is extremely difficult to change them. If it's just a small bad habit, not a bad habit, it's better for him to go. Otherwise, it is not worth it to cause a family war because you want to change each other. At the same time, it is impossible to change the other side, and all the results can only create a vicious circle.