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Text | The wind stops at night
Original · Plagiarism must be investigated
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The harm caused by people's feelings is roughly divided into three types: family, marriage and friends.
Among them, the most shallow trauma in the heart is the emotion from friends, friends deeply feel that they can not continue to communicate with each other, they have lost contact, and the relationship is broken, and the entanglement in a short period of time will not allow a person to bear the pain of the rest of his life, and such injuries can be cured with time and space.
And the harm that marriage brings to a person, there is also the possibility of "pulling out" the rest of life, in the face of marital unhappiness, a person has the right to give up and resist, although the unfortunate marriage will probably bring a great deal of damage to a person, but it can be easily cured in another warm person.
But the original ecological family is different, people who are deeply affected by the original ecological family are difficult to cure in a lifetime, and for the harm brought by the original ecological family, someone has said such a sentence:
Lucky people, with childhood to heal a lifetime, unfortunate people, with a lifetime to heal childhood.
Often friendship and love and even marriage have room for choice again, but the family is not.
Therefore, we often say that any relationship can be changed because of their own injury, dislike, and rejection, but the family relationship can never be changed.
Between you and the original ecological family members, even if you break off contact, it is still a verbal "severed relationship", in fact, this layer of family relationship is to accompany people's lives.
In this life, we will make too many choices, only parents, brothers and sisters, we can't choose, and we don't have the right and ability to choose according to our own expectations.
What are the harms brought by the original ecological family?
1: Low self-esteem
Because of the suppressed education of the family or the negative evaluation of the brothers and sisters, the psychological inferiority is unable to admit themselves.
2: Lack of love
Because the parents are divorced or the parents argue all day long, ignoring the companionship of their children's love and growth, they cause their children to have an extreme desire for a complete family, hoping to get complete love, and jealousy and longing to be valued in social relations.
3: Extreme
Because the family growth factors have caused the ideological extreme, the common extreme is that when encountering things, they never understand rational analysis, are irritable and irritable, and all things will be analyzed from the worst angle, and the people around them will also respect it.
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People who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, grow up and enter the society, can still live a positive life, such people exist, but the chance is very small.
And people who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, they do not know how to face others and do not know how to face themselves because of the influence of the original ecological family experience, they do not know how to love others, nor do they know how to love themselves.
More often, the most they've ever done is hurt themselves. Because, in the original ecological family, what they lack most is the absorption of positive "love" and the inhalation of positive warmth.
So, what happened to the children who lacked the warmth of the family when they grew up? Children who were not loved since childhood, how well will they grow up?
One thing is for sure:
People who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, they will still grow up with the shadow of the influence of the family, because they have not received positive love, so they have not lived very well when they grow up.
Psychologically speaking, the influence in the original ecological family is called "toxic family", which can be their own parents or their own siblings, even if the victim has left the family, but still suffers from it.
Toxic Parents:
They themselves lack common sense in family education, or because of their own wrong educational concepts, they bring serious psychological trauma to the growth of their children.
Some children can grow up in adversity, some children must be adults in good times, and some parents will make wishful thinking about their children according to their own wishes, and when children do not grow up according to their own ideas, it is disappointing.
There are even parents who are always absent from their children's education and growth, so that their children grow up. Still bumping into walls in search of warmth.
Toxic siblings:
In general, families with siblings are not harmonious, completely directly related to their parents, deeply influenced by their parents' education, brothers and sisters often attack each other, and will choose to create different "scapegoats" at different times.
Therefore, in those families with more than 2 siblings other than only children, "harmful" relationships are formed between relatives.
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When toxic parents and toxic siblings coexist, the original family is the "destructive" group, and the people themselves who suffer from it can hardly escape such a family relationship that can be hurt at any time.
Toxic families, the degree of harm to people, sometimes depends on the number of family members, generally form a victim relationship of the family, the more members, the greater the degree of harm caused to the victim.
Therefore, when someone mentions their original family, the people around them will intuitively feel the feeling of wanting to try to escape and break the connection, because only they themselves know what kind of "family" relationship they have experienced.
As they grow older, people who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, if they are alone for a long time, they will probably have time to occasionally diagnose and treat themselves until the psychology of such injury is slowly restored, and there will be a possibility of recovery.
Once deeply affected by the original ecological family, but unable to disassociate from the original ecological family members, then no matter how old he grows, no matter how far he has gone, no matter how high a position he has achieved, there is still a bleeding scar in his heart.
Therefore, if you have met people who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, they give you feeling too extreme, paranoid, and even difficult to trust others, do not be too distant from them, in fact, their hearts are extremely eager to be recognized, loved and warm.
But it is worth mentioning that people who grow up in the original ecological family are easy to rely on some "well-meaning people" in society.
Once they feel that they have been "abandoned" after giving their true heart, they will have different degrees of hatred in their hearts.
Therefore, when getting along with people affected by the original ecological family, we must follow the sincere and appropriate way of maintaining healthy distance;
And the people themselves who are affected by the original ecological family must not pin their hopes on anyone, and always understand that in this world, everything must be "on their own".
As for interpersonal relationships, it is only a process that must be followed when you survive, and you can't completely regard who is the only one to rely on in your heart, even if that person eventually becomes your lover.
You must know that everything you have experienced, all the suffering you have encountered, only you can save yourself, and others, after all, cannot empathize with it, nor can they pull you out of the old hurt.
People who are deeply affected by the original ecological family, they may have a bad life, they may often cry in the corners that others can't see, but in the face of survival, they have to put a mask on their faces to cover their hearts that they don't want to expose, and they may be affected for a lifetime.
Therefore, if you have become a father and mother, you must be responsible for your own marriage, but also responsible for the growth of your children, and the irresponsibility of your parents will harm the rest of your children's lives.
If you are brothers and sisters, you can not be close, but you must not hurt, let alone use wishful thinking "for your own good" to harm the life of your own compatriots.
A person who is hurt by a parent or sibling may not give up on continuing to love his family, but he may give up loving himself and gradually forget how to love himself.
It is difficult for them to really "live well" throughout their lives.
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