The author 丨 Dong Chao, columnist of Sanmao Network
Source丨 Workplace Talents Private School
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Before we officially begin, I would like to ask you a question, when you were very young, did a little fart call you "uncle and aunt"?
I believe that you who have had this experience will always be like me, doubting that you are very old.
In fact, the children just say it casually, but when we listen to it, it will be very uncomfortable.
The speaker has no intention, the listener intends. The speaker speaks a sentence very casually, but the listener has a hard time letting go.
This phenomenon is like a waterfall of nature, calm on the top and splashing with waves below.
The so-called "do not do to others what you do not want", especially in the workplace, a sentence or two that seems harmless may bring heavy consequences to yourself.
So how do you do that?
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Some people will say that when speaking, we must pay attention to the identity of the object and grasp the measure of speaking.
This statement is 100% true and is indeed the first step in our "how to do it". But in fact, when people talk, it is easy to leave these classic theories behind.
There is an example of this:
There is a young employee, let's call him Xiao Li. Xiao Li is steady and down-to-earth, and his work is capable. In less than two years, he became the main leader of the department. His superiors valued him very much.
Once, the company wanted to arrange people to go to the field to do project promotion, and the boss trusted him very much, so he sent him to lead several people to go together.
Xiao Li also cherished this opportunity. Decided to do a good job. After careful consideration, he found that there were several people in the group, and chartering a car was the most economical and affordable solution.
Later, he reported his arrangements in detail to the boss, and the boss frequently nodded his head in agreement.
Finally, Xiao Li said, I decided to charter a car to go. After saying that, he noticed that his boss's face had changed in an instant. Then he replied that the cost of chartering a bus is still relatively high, so you should take the bus.
The next day, the personnel department informed him that he did not need to go to the project promotion activities this time, and temporarily changed others.
Little Li Bai was puzzled, do you know why?
Because, when Xiao Li was excited, he forgot that he was reporting to the leader, asking for the leader's opinion, and used the three words "I decided".
It was these three words that made him miss this rare opportunity.
In front of their superiors, the three words "I decide" are disgusting to them. Xiao Li didn't know this, but just said it in passing.
A self-righteous and innocuous remark, but it aroused the disgust of the boss and missed a good performance.
It can be seen that the method is the method, and it is the key to being able to master and practice it at all times.
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The second step is to think more about the feelings of others when speaking, and not to cover your mouth.
There was once a good young man, but he had a fatal flaw, which was that he didn't speak without a brain. His parents always advised him, but he always said that this was a big deal, just a few words.
Once, a wise man came from the village, and the young man went to visit, but he still went his own way and said something disrespectful to the wise man.
Passers-by who stood by accused him one after another, but the young man said, isn't it just a few words, I can't apologize to him.
The wise man listened, smiled and said to the young man, I will tell you a story.
There was once a woodcutter with a bear picked up from the mountains.
One day, the bear messed up a cornfield in the house. When the woodcutter came back and saw it, he was very angry. Picking up a stick and beating the bear is a severe beating.
And while beating, he scolded: "The beast is always a beast, and I have raised you for free." After the fight, he drove the bear out of the house.
The next day, he felt very regretful. However, he never found a bear again.
One day, the woodcutter went up the hill to chop wood and came across a tiger. Seeing that the tiger was about to pounce on him, he felt that he was bound to die. So, close your eyes and wait to die.
And just then he heard the sound of fighting. The woodcutter opened his eyes and saw that it was the bear who had come to save him.
When the bear successfully drove the tiger away, the woodcutter greeted him happily and said, "Great, did you still hurt the last time I hit you?" Come back with me."
But he didn't expect it, but the bear said, "It didn't hurt for a long time, but what you said still hurt me." And it hurts, it hurts." After saying that, the bear head did not return and left.
After listening to this story, the young man suddenly realized.
Invisible words may cut the sharpest wounds. This opening is invisible, so it cannot be cured.
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The last step is trial and error.
As I have just said, the reason is very simple, but even if you know, you will step on the pit in practice. What is needed at this time is "knowingly committing a crime.")
He knows the truth, but he still commits it. Only when you make a mistake and reflect on it will you be impressed.
In fact, this is an indispensable and crucial step in all learning sessions.
Many people know the truth and know a basket, and there is nothing in practice. This is not called "learning", this can only be called "knowing". That's not what we're trying to achieve.
Of course, trial and error is not something that can be tried casually. You need to find the safest place to try.
Like Xiao Li in the above article, even if he says the wrong thing to the leader, it actually doesn't matter much. The point is that the occasion is not right, because the project is valued by the leadership, so the leader will pay special attention to every detail.
This type of trial and error is too costly and not something that ordinary people can afford.
To avoid, you should put your homework in front. In this way, the chain will not be dropped at a critical moment.
For example, you can communicate with colleagues, family, and friends to find out on your own, or let them help find problems. Then reflect on it yourself and correct it.
Any process of change is a process of self-shaping, which takes time and cannot be rushed. The so-called anxious can not eat hot tofu.