#爱是个动词 #
Lucky people heal their whole lives with childhood, and unfortunate people heal their childhood with a lifetime.
This is a very famous saying in psychology. Many people cried sadly after seeing this sentence for the first time, and the grievances of being understood were suddenly released.
Everyone's personality and behavior as they grow up are closely related to childhood experiences.
The famous psychologist Shi Qijia's book "Healing Your Inner Child" interprets this principle from a psychological point of view.
Fu Seoul, the winner of the just-concluded sixth season of "Strange Story", talked wittily on the field, but when she talked about her childhood, she always couldn't help but burst into tears.
Fu Seoul's parents divorced when she was young, and her mother took her to live a very poor life. The mother and daughter lived for a long time in the unit's granary, sleeping with rats at night.
Such childhood memories make Fu Seoul insecure, and because of material embarrassment, she is very strict with herself as an adult and has a more urgent desire for success.
This strong competitive spirit was also brought to marriage and family by Fu Seoul, and she was also very strict with her lover.
She lives like a cheerleader, constantly urging her husband to be motivated and work hard, but she ignores her husband's ability to bear it, making the family full of depression.
Knowing her husband's pressure and grievances, Fu Seoul also blamed herself, and it took a difficult process for her to change all this immediately.
There are many people in life like Fu Seoul who have similar experiences, and childhood experiences have forged a person's character and even affected a lifetime.
Professor Shi Qijia mentioned in the book: Everyone lives in the depths of their hearts a small child, when we encounter harm, our ego will stay in the current age, become an inner child.
The inner child will record the feelings of the time, the desire for love, unwillingness, anger or sadness.
When our inner child does not receive enough care and love, the inner child will become a cloudy child, whose emotions are out of control and their nerves are sensitive.
Like Fu Seoul, she pushes herself to be self-motivated, constantly putting pressure on her lover, and spurring him to succeed.
Because Fu Seoul's inner child also lived in his heart, when he was a child, he did not get enough love and material things, and he lacked a sense of security in his heart.
In fact, each of us cannot avoid being hurt or dissatisfied in childhood, and each of us has an inner child in our hearts.
How to deal with this inner child? This book also gives the solution, which is to see him, heal him, and embrace him.
See and understand our inner child
To understand our inner child, we must first understand the needs of the child in childhood.
In life we often hear that parents trying so hard to fulfill their children's wishes is a kind of coddling, in fact. Trying to meet the child's wishes is to cater to the child's psychological state at that time, which is a positive love.
And the requirements for young children should not be too harsh. For example, for very young children, ask him to learn to melt pears and distribute his few toys to others.
Excessively demanding, let the child feel that this reality is not friendly to them, from the heart of a resistance. If the needs of the inner child are not met, the heart will be hurt.
2. Heal the inner child with love and companionship
If you want to heal the child inside, you must first find the cause of the child's injury.
There used to be a lot of people who thought that experiencing more setbacks and pressures in children's childhood would help children grow.
In fact, children who receive more love and respect as they grow up are more likely to have good qualities and strong frustrations.
And those children who lack love and attention are likely to be hurt at all stages of growth if the needs of the inner child are not met in time.
Some of these injuries stem from a lack of parental companionship, such as left-behind children. In their upbringing, they often face the separation of their parents, and without the company of their parents, they will have inferiority complex among their peers.
Children who lack the company of their parents grow up to be afraid of separation when they treat love. Because of the fear of separation, sometimes they will choose to voluntarily give up a relationship.
There are also some children who hurt because of the unfair treatment of their parents with different children.
Just like Fan Sheng's American daughters, growing up in a patriarchal family, they were taught to take care of their younger brothers from an early age, to eat and wear to let their younger brothers, and their own feelings were often ignored.
When such girls grow up, they are prone to be hostile and jealous of men, and may even be jealous of anyone.
In the work environment, they often appear to be vain, unable to accept that others are better than themselves, and often do not have good interpersonal relationships.
Finding the cause of the injury of the inner child, it is not difficult to find a cure for them.
In this world, if there is really anything that can make people more gentle, more friendly and friendly, and become simple and unscheming, it is enough love that parents give their children when they are young.
Third, find love and embrace the newborn self
How can children who lack material satisfaction and love and companionship in childhood find the heart of a child and obtain a new life of soul when they become adults?
Professor Shi Qijia also gave advice in the book:
First of all, you can satisfy yourself materially as much as possible.
Those who retain a childlike heart have a common characteristic, a rich family, simple, and friendly.
Ordinary people can't meet all their material needs, at least they can make up for their childhood regrets by shopping and buying back things they couldn't afford to buy when they were young. You can also meet the feeling of being cared for and valued through consumer services such as medical treatment or beauty maintenance.
Second, you can see a broader vision by tapping into your own potential, satisfying your own spiritual experience.
It's important to have something you like and are willing to focus on.
This may be traveling, singing, or reading and meditating at home.
This process is an exploration of the potential of the self, and the process of exploring the self is also unlimited.
In the process of exploration, you will get a lot of fun, and even a sudden enlightenment, affecting the whole world and your own view.
Fu Seoul, who was timid and inferior in childhood, grew up focusing on reading and career, succeeding with a stubborn enterprising spirit, and meeting a love that gave her enough security.
All this made her inner child materially and spiritually satisfied and compensated, and also healed Fu Seoul to a certain extent, making her a confident and independent woman.
By reading this book, we can take seriously to our inner child, identify the trauma we have suffered, and through this healing process, gain experience and understanding of a new life.
Healing Your Inner Child is not only a navigation for adults on the journey of psychological healing, but also a beacon on the parenting path of parenting.
As parents, we take a healthy inner child on a more perfect life journey, while repairing the relationship with the child in time.
Through love and companionship, our children are healthy and happy from an early age.
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Healing Your Inner Child ¥29.9 Purchase