Recently, in the program "Under the Eaves", Fu Seoul was on the hot search with a golden sentence, which really said the voice of many children.
In the show, a grandfather Zhu had a birthday, but because he did not inform others in advance, no one celebrated him, and later his friend told the guest about it, he said he didn't mind, but his behavior and heart showed that he wanted to be valued by others.
Later, the guests made some simple arrangements at home, and also made some delicacies, giving Grandpa Zhu a simple and warm birthday.
At this time, Fu Seoul said: "Whether it is parents or children, don't always tell each other that they don't care, you don't say it, how can they understand?" ”
I believe that this sentence will poke the hearts of many people, most of our parents have suffered, they always want to leave good things to their children, and they are willing to be the one who is not valued and cared for.
But they say they don't care, can we really leave it alone? In addition to this small problem, parents also have other problems that deserve our attention.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="70" > these questions worth paying attention to for parents</h1>
1. Get used to lying
Most of the lies here refer to white lies, for example, ask them what the shortcomings of the family are, and they say: There is no lack of anything. Asked if they were unwell, they said: Well, don't worry. Ask them if they have enough money to spend, and they always say: I can't use it all.
They habitually lie to their children and never tell their children what is in their hearts, just like Fu Seoul said: If you don't say it, how can they understand.
You habitually lie, and the more you lie, the more you tell, the children will believe it.
2. Influenced by traditional concepts
Many elders have a deep-seated idea of serving their children, and in their conception, parents are to dedicate everything to the family and their children.
So they give endlessly, in this process, they have not thought about what they want and like, they feel that as long as the child likes, the child is happy, that is what he is happy.
3, will not express
When parents habitually pay and lie, one result is that they slowly do not understand expression, even if they have their own ideas and needs, they do not know where to start.
They don't know how to talk to their children, they don't know what to say, what not to say, afraid of saying too much, the child will dislike them, say less and afraid of not understanding, over time do not want to say.
In addition, they have been bound by some ideas since they were young, and they feel that they should be people who pay silently and do not ask for returns, and there is no concept of taking in their minds, so they will not express their needs.
Even if parents and children lack communication and communication for a long time, even if they live under the same roof, they may not be able to understand each other very well.
Although this spirit of self-dedication is admirable, children who are raised in this way are likely to become giant babies, mothers, etc., they are habitually waited for, it is easy to be self-centered, and they do not know how to care about others.
So now that we've grown up, have our own judgments, and know that these practices are not good, how can we guide our parents to adjust themselves and better adapt to today's life?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="78" > guide parents well, in fact, it is also helpful for us to educate our children</h1>
1) Don't lie
First of all, don't lie, it's really not easy to get parents to do this at all.
But we can start with ourselves, for example, when the child wants to eat chicken thighs at the same time as you, you don't say: Mom doesn't like to eat, you eat. Children will really naively think that you really don't like to eat.
You can generously tell your child: Mom also likes to eat, this time you eat first, next time change your mother to eat, can you? In this way, the child will know that not the whole family does not like to eat chicken legs, everyone likes to eat, but everyone gives it to themselves.
But this jean is not deserved, it may be because he has performed well, or has done something worthy of praise, or next time he needs to take turns to give other people to eat, let him understand this truth, the child will not be too pampered, thinking that as long as he wants, everyone else has to let him.
Because the child is very naïve, he will believe what you say, if you lie to him for a long time, one day, he grows up and discovers the truth behind the matter, have you ever thought that maybe he will not appreciate you, but will complain about why you did not tell him the truth early.
Many times, the lies of our elders or parents are to prevent some of the child's behavior, but we sometimes can not underestimate the child's ability to bear, some truths, although harsh, can cultivate the child's rational judgment ability and emotional self-control to a certain extent, for him, it is not necessarily a bad thing.
2. Learn to communicate
Have you found that most of the elders are very hands-on, let them cook, let them do housework can, but let them talk, they will behave very introverted, not good at expressing, especially male elders.
They hide a lot of words in their hearts, not only will they not say it to their children, they will not even say it to the other half, thinking that the other party will understand themselves, but where in the world there are so many hearts and minds, if you don't say it, the other party may really not understand.
Let the elders learn to communicate and express, there is a way is to let the family gossip children, accompany them more, children have a hundred thousand whys every day, when they accompany the elders to do some things they are good at, such as knitting sweaters, doing housework, children will have a lot of questions, and these questions can be answered by the elders, so that both sides can get a good exercise.
3. Live yourself
If the elder still does not want to express, then may wish to encourage him to communicate with his friends, many elderly people will have their own circle of life after retirement, some like to sing, some like to dance, some like to travel, when they are in front of friends and comfortable environment, some words will naturally come out.
When they find their own interests, hobbies, and have their own small partners, they can live themselves to a greater extent, they will feel valued, respected, and needed, and when their hearts are opened, they will be more willing to communicate with more people in the future and be more willing to express themselves.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="39" > summary</h1>
In fact, the elders feel that not saying it is not to increase the burden on their children, in fact, to say it, but to alleviate their concerns, let them understand your ideas, do not have to guess and guess, so that is what a family should look like.
But the elders must also master this degree, can not be too demanding, after all, children grow up, have their own life, family, children, can not always revolve around you, master this degree, in order to let the whole family can show themselves in a relaxed and happy life.
Many of the living habits of the elders, the way of expression can not be changed in a moment and a half, but we can start from ourselves, get rid of their bad habits, and apply some of the qualities we want our children to learn in our lives, so that children can follow our example and learn in a subtle way.
You also don't want to have no expression at all when you have your 50th or 60th birthday, so from now on, let yourself, your children and other family members become a person who is willing to communicate and be good at expression.