Is there anything in the world that is permanent? If there is any, I think it may be love, just like the love of parents, no matter how old and ugly we become, they will love us the same; and there are some things that become unchanged after they are lost; for example, the love of the lover has been lost, and the story will not change, such as the love story of Sanmao and her husband.
Sanmao Jose's love is enviable, but also heartbreaking. The envy is that they are each other's favorite people, and they have spent the happiest few years together; the sad thing is that the time they fell in love was too short, short to fleeting, and after losing it became sanmao's eternal pain, so that she continued to live with this pain for the rest of her life.
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Many nights, many times when I dreamed back in the middle of the night, I hid in the darkness, thinking of Jose almost into madness, acacia, slowly nibbling at my body like a worm, until I became a big empty hole. The night was so long, so dark, and the rain outside the window was the tear in my heart, and the day that never dripped was over.
In the face of the departure of his beloved, Sanmao's tears have dried up, and his heart has been taken away with the departure of his lover.
When I saw this text, it was as if I had choked something in my throat, my breathing became tight, and my tears swirled in my tears, afraid that I would fall out as soon as I bowed my head.
The description of the text can make people feel the pain of the scene, I don't know how many tears she shed when she wrote this text, how much paper was used up, and then she dripped blood to write such a text.
The deeper the love, the more painful it is to bear the departure. Maybe less love is less painful; less painful is less loving. But Sanmao is a very real person, love must be deeply loved, she absolutely can not tolerate herself less Love Jose.
Maybe she was destined to spend six years with Jose, to truly feel how wonderful, beautiful, and happy love was, so that she could continue to live with this love in the future.
It may be precisely because it is so beautiful that the pain after losing it is like cramping and peeling off the marrow, tearing her heart and lungs, making her unbearable, and even has the idea of giving up her life.
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Every time I think of you, a grain of sand falls from the sky, and the Sahara is formed. Every time I think of you, a drop of water falls from the sky, and the Pacific Ocean forms.
When the lover has left, what remains is infinite heartache, infinite blankness, from now on there will never be a person in the world waiting for you, no longer hear his voice, never see the gas he exhaled, and from then on he completely disappeared; the thought of this cold was born from the heart, spread throughout the body, until the cold trembled.
After Jose left, she went to the cemetery every morning to accompany him until the cemetery was closed. She sat foolishly in the cemetery until dusk, until it was dark, and the tomb keeper came to persuade her to go back, and she reluctantly left the cemetery. As soon as I got home, I shut myself in my room, stared at the ceiling in a daze, and didn't eat.
In the first few months of Jose's departure, sadness had drained her efforts, thoughts slowly nibbled at her body, and her hair turned white little by little because of thoughts.
Thoughts did not become less because of the passage of time, and as time passed, the more intense the thoughts became, so intense that she could not bear it. Her parents took her back to her home in Taiwan, where there was no memory of Jose, where she might miss him a little less, maybe find a little comfort.
The pain of missing is like an abyss, it is dark all around, there is no sunlight in sight, there is no straw to save life, you can only be quietly tortured by it, endure the pain it brings. The only thing that can be done is to hope that time will pass quickly, that it will pass quickly, and that a year or two will pass right away. But time will pass after all, but in the process, every bit of pain must be endured, feeling its violation of every cell of the body.
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Jose, give me the courage to let you strode away! I ran wildly behind you, ran a long way, couldn't help but stop and look back, I ran back to you again, fell on you and cried. My lover, I can't bear to leave you alone in the dark, and in that place, where do you go to hold my hand and sleep peacefully?
Jose's departure took Sanmao's soul away, leaving only an empty shell. After returning to Taiwan, Sanmao's soul, which had nowhere to rest, had been floating, and his body and mind were completely separated.
She closed herself off again, and she rarely saw friends in Taiwan, until her friends asked her to come and meet, and she went to her friends' houses, and she went to them and asked them:
Why do you insist on exhausting yourself and saving me? Why? Why? Why should life and death also tell a person who has no intention of living - there is still hope in life?
The friend was afraid that she had lost the idea of surviving, so she said in person that she would never do anything stupid. Friends stayed up with her for seven hours, and Sanmao finally couldn't stand it, and said those few words against his heart and with difficulty: Don't do stupid things. Her friend also asked her to go back and say those few words to her mother, and she agreed.
Back at the door, her mother opened the door for her, and she told her mother that she would not do anything stupid. When my mother heard that she was finally willing to say it, she felt a little comfort in her heart.
Parents in the world love their children a million times more than themselves, and which parent can endure the loss of a son and a daughter. The father told her when he learned that she had the idea of doing something stupid; if she dared to take her beloved daughter away, she was his enemy.
Sanmao loves her husband, but her parents love her too. For the sake of her parents, Sanmao would rather be in pain, her heart has been broken into pieces, but those fragmented hearts are also treasures in the eyes of her parents. She had to endure torn heartbreak for the sake of her parents, for the happiness of her parents, to bear all the pain herself, and to live a difficult life.
Living like the walking dead on such days, not feeling the joy of being alive, and the time of each day is particularly slow, like living like a year.
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True happiness, not ecstasy, is not suffering, in my subjective sense, it is a long stream of thin water, no waves, to be an ordinary person among all sentient beings, to enjoy the joy of life for a moment, then even if we do not die, we are still in heaven
As time passed, Sanmao's pain slowly transformed into love, and she understood that the happiness of the world was not ecstasy, not pain, but only the fleeting joy that disappeared in the blink of an eye. Therefore, she loves every grass and tree and every sand in the world, the people of the world, and feels them with her heart and loves them.
In the days that followed, she went to many places, Southeast Asia, Central and South America, Mexico, the United States, Tibet, Chengdu... Met the friends she wanted to meet, and saw the places she wanted to see. After wandering, she returned to Taiwan, and then wrote frantically, maybe she knew what she needed to do in the next few days, so she completely closed herself off again, did not participate in any activities, just writing.
After seeing the beauty of the world and loving everything in the world, she regarded the years that must pass as beauty. It was precisely because of the pain that she was forced out of another life, and that life was more mature. She also loved everything in the world even more because of God's great love, but she also loved too much, and she finally chose to give up her life, which is really deplorable.
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Ask what the world's situation is, the Orthodox Church of life and death, it may be a story like Sanmao. Loved, hurt, wonderful, missed, discouraged, loved, then what else can not let go.
As Sanmao said in an interview; there are some things that are only temporarily stored with you, and it does not belong to you.
Nothing in the world is eternal. When we have it, we really feel its existence and love him; when we lose it, we cry bitterly and sadly.
Life is like this, sweet and sour, bitter and spicy, we always have to taste it, don't ignore the sour because of the sweet, don't ignore the bitter because of the sour, don't ignore the spicy because of the bitterness, maybe one day have tasted these tastes, and really appreciate the meaning of life.
I am Shed Millet, pay attention to me, and swim in the ocean of knowledge together! The pictures in the text are from the Internet, invaded and deleted!