1 "I am inseparable from my girlfriend"
In the comedy variety show "Annual Comedy Competition", there is a very interesting work.
A man and a woman went on a blind date and met for the first time in a restaurant.
As soon as the two of them sat down, the girl Nana said, "I'm here with my girlfriend."
The boy said, "I thought it was just the two of us, but three people, where is the girlfriend?" ”
Saying that Nana pulled out a doll, this doll was like another Nana, it could always say what Nana did not dare to say.
It's like externalizing a person's inner drama, and that doll is Nana's real heart.
The boy said, sorry to be late today.
Nana said, it's okay, it's okay, the evening peak.
The doll said: I was late on my first date, and I knew that I was stuck in traffic at night and didn't go out early.
Then when they ordered, the waiter came over and induced the boy to apply for a card.
"Hello, recharge three thousand or five thousand?"
"Hello, what is your mobile phone number?"
The boy was at a loss, and did not know how to refuse, so he could only start to report his mobile phone number: 1383279...
At this time, the doll stood up again and said, "Two steaks are seven points cooked, do not do the card, do not give away, do not routine."
Girls are character who will not reject others, so take the doll as a person who speaks the truth for herself. The boy is also, he does not dare to speak his heart, can only blindly play the old good man.
Let the card be done, let the member charge the member, afraid that others will see their embarrassment.
The only way to cope is to be patient and be a good person.
This is simply the voice of many of us, saying "ok" is much easier than saying "no", even if you lose your own interests after saying "ok".
It doesn't matter if you lose some money and time, after all, it is done privately, and it is easier than saying "no" to others.
After reading it, Ma Dong said that comedy is a mirror, obviously looking at himself. Seeing the duality in Nana, each of us has a psychology.
Fear of making others think they are bad, fear of conflicting with others.
We don't refuse and please others.
More proliferating than the flattering personality is the Chinese-style old and good man.
It is less flattering and more widespread.
2 don't dare, what are you afraid of
I am also a person who does not dare to reject others, and I have tasted the bitter fruit of not daring to reject others countless times.
On the street, there are people doing promotions who pull me to experience their projects, scan codes to register, and sometimes spend 9.9 to buy their experience packages.
Even if I knew, I probably would never experience it.
Later, I didn't go to any projects like this 9.9 experience, whether it was fitness, beauty, photography, etc., because once I went, I might not be able to stop the sales staff from saying witty words and not knowing how to refuse others.
Especially when the other person asks: What are your difficulties? What are you thinking about?
I thought to myself, of course I'm thinking about money. But the words are, look at it again.
Don't dare to refuse others, always hope hello I am good everyone.
So, what exactly are we afraid of?
In the book "Pleasing Disorder", it is said that your good nature is essentially a deep fear of negative emotions. Pleasing people is largely driven by emotional fear: fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of conflict or confrontation, fear of criticism, fear of loneliness, fear of anger.
We are afraid that by telling the truth, we will let others see our embarrassment;
We are afraid to express our true needs and look like we don't understand things;
We are afraid that after rejecting others, we will appear so useless;
We are afraid that after expressing different opinions, we will become unsociable;
We are afraid of conflict with people, we are afraid of facing the anger of others...
In order not to make yourself afraid, then avoid being your true self.
The saddest thing about a good Chinese person is that others have issued him a "good man card", but he himself is not happy.
We set our emotions in the expectations of others. As good old men, we naturally know what the answer others are expecting.
When we make a keen need for the expectations of others, we can only turn a deaf ear to our own inner voice.
That voice is like another self, it wants to remind us not to make too many commitments, not to live with ourselves.
We said to the voice, OK, next time I will be brave.
However, this will remain the case next time.
3 Be a good person, the price is not low In our northern culture, there is a very famous "tear it" culture.
During the Chinese New Year, tear up your wallet. You give it to me, I don't. You say give it to the child, I say the child doesn't want it either.
For 200 bucks, you can definitely tear up a 20,000 mink.
At the time of checkout in the hotel, in front of the waiter, even with his hands to move his mouth, he knew that he was grabbing a single order, but he did not know that he thought it was a fight.
Everyone was grabbing orders, although only one person paid in the end. But it seems that everyone is sincere, so that everyone is a good person.
It saves face and avoids the loss of money.
Of course, there are also "miscalculations", such as really winning, he deserves to be given the title of a good man, but he is not happy and feels that he has been exploited.
Because what he really expects in his heart is that others will judge him as generous and can decently refuse his request to spend money.
Where is this good thing?
This is one of the costs of being a good Chinese person, and you will often sulk yourself for the so-called "evaluation of others".
We live in the approval of others, and our relationship with others is closely linked, which also kills our own souls on a certain level.
Teacher Wu Zhihong said: There are too few places where a good Chinese-style person is illuminated by maternal love and even the love of others, so he feels that most of his heart is bad, and he has to become another person to be worthy of love.
At the end of the day, it is the "other person" who is loved, not the true self.
The price of being a good person may not be obvious at a young age.
But after forty or fifty years of age, you may be able to see it.
There are some people, after they reach middle age, make people feel "bitter" and "resentful". Although they didn't do anything, even they were nice to people. But in them, there is a resentment that is difficult to approach.
Do you know a middle-aged man around you, she or he is very good to people, but you just don't want to go near him?
It was their years of repressed selves and the grief of not getting anything back.
When they are young, they can bear with it, but as life passes, they find that they do not get the love they deserve.
Good people are respected, but those who have milk to eat are children who cry.
4 Don't be a good person, be a real person
My mom has always been a hello, good everyone role among relatives.
Whenever I think that a relative is not good, my mother will always say "how many relatives people have in their lives", "think more for others", "if you have culture, let those who don't understand things"...
My mother has lived like this all these years, she is kind to others, and patience is a virtue, but I have seen the results of her patience with my own eyes.
That is, she often throws tantrums at us, and as she gets older, she also has resentment in her.
Everyone is multi-faceted, and if there is a good side, there must be a bad side.
The good Man of the Chinese style gives all the good to others, so what about his "bad"?
It is often given to the family.
Hurting yourself and hurting your family, this is the biggest price for a good Chinese person.
The right thing to do is to be bad to outsiders, or to turn your own badness into aggression toward your career.
Those who are strict with outsiders, express clear boundaries, be gentle with their families, and leave all the good to their families are the happiest.
Always playing a good person is not a good ending, and you can't get the feedback you deserve.
Your goodness is taken for granted by others. It's not that other people are greedy, it's that you're acting too lightly.
Like two people standing face to face, we can only see his actions, not his heart. His behavior is smiling, then we think he is happy.
Who would have thought that what he was thinking in his heart was "Angry at me", "Bear with me", "Forget it", "He will definitely read my good".
One thing, you feel that you have exhausted the power of the flood, but others think you are very happy.
CCTV host Jiang Shu commented on a sentence from CCTV's "Moving China" program: "Why don't I see a winner who is happy, happy and rich? It seems that 'Good Chinese people' should be bitter, poor, and tired. ”
The cost of being a good person is too great, and instead of being like this, it is better to be a real person.
Say what you want so others know what you need.
Be good to people who really deserve it so that you don't make your love cheap and wasteful.
After many years, I finally thought of how to refute my mother's concept of "home and everything is happy".
If we're good to all people, isn't that unfair to those who are really good to us?
Repay grievances with virtue, then ask, how to repay virtue.