Do you feel superior?
Are you perfect yourself?
Self-righteous", "people live only in their own world."
Pretentious and inexplicably feel that he is the chosen son, but the gap between his heart and reality is like the seller show and buyer show of the e-commerce platform.
The world is wonderful, and many of the things we think are often not the truth.
For example, if a person has a particularly high temper, no one can offend him a little, is it because his self-esteem is particularly high?
Instead, it may be because self-esteem is too low.
For example, a person, talking and doing things always has to win over others, is it because he is aggressive?
Instead, maybe it's because of fear.
Because of the fear of getting out of control, there is always something to be in control
Leeks can't be cut, spring wind blows and grows again Every leek tree that enters thinks it is a sharp scythe
Behind the self-righteousness, there is a narcissistic heart.
Narcissism – the inner wandering between the greatest pride and the greatest inferiority
I don't know if you have ever encountered such a thing, you are dedicated and try your best to help your friend, especially when he/she encounters difficulties, you also respect his/her feelings, but with your help, his/her attitude is getting worse and worse, and even attack, hate you, and break off relations with you.
When you encounter such a superb event, you will definitely think: what a wolf heart and dog lungs!
In fact, excluding external factors such as provoking dissension, this is the envy of the other party.
Envy is a very hidden hatred.
May come from the sequelae of self-esteem injuries to resource scrambles in human evolution.
When your friend feels a sense of self-esteem hurt and inability to transcend from gratitude, and when he/she projects dissatisfaction with life onto you, he or she will see your every help as a believing.
This process may be unconscious, and the feelings cannot be broken, and the cracks in the interpersonal relationship will appear.
He/she may have some awkwardness with you, which is an unintentional confrontation.
But it will eventually lead to the breakdown of each other's relationships.
Self-righteous narcissists are unreasonable, and arguments based on real circumstances and logic are of no use to them.
They use contempt and indignation to prop up their positions and prove wrong those who disagree with them.
When mistakes or failures threaten their own self-esteem, they quickly shift the blame to others.
Narcissism consists of three components.
One is self-esteem. Associated with self-esteem is a sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
The second is a sense of self-identity, also known as self-identification. The objects of identification include me and my belongings, my residence, my family members, colleagues and friends, and social circles.
The third is self-consistency, or self-continuity. It embodies the integrity of the personality structure and brings a sense of continuity and stability.
Just as one cannot live without self-esteem and status, one cannot live without narcissism.
Narcissism is neither a good nor a bad thing, it is normal, a normal thing.
It is worth noting that when we talk about good or bad, that is the difference between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism.
Modern object relationship theory holds that narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by "self as the object", in layman's terms, "you and I do not distinguish, other I do not distinguish".
The reason for this is that patients have experienced interpersonal trauma in their early years of experience, such as long-term separation from their parents, parental discord, or their parents' attitude towards them is too rough or too doting.
There are some experiences that make patients feel that loving themselves is safe and deserved.
Judging criteria: Narcissistic personality, mostly formed in early adulthood, clinically meets the following five, may be narcissistic personality.
1． Have a sense of omnipotence about yourself. After they have achieved a little achievement, they always think that they are the best.
2． They indulge in endless fantasies of success, power, talent, and beauty.
3． They believe they are unique, they think they have noble blood, and they think that these unique "abilities" of their own can only be understood by a small number of high-ranking people.
4． Addicted to praise, can't listen to the negative words.
5． There is a feeling of a privileged person.
For no reason, they expect others to have special care for themselves.
They disregard the interests of others and only care about "as long as I am happy" and are risk-takers of relationships. They think that "everyone has to go around me" and that the slightest "snub" in the crowd will make them hostile to others.
6． Lack of capacity for empathy.
This seems to be common to almost all people with narcissistic personality disorder. They seem to understand people at times, but they can't really interact with each other equally. They may pay lip service to equality, but the actual manifestation is that "it is a Marxist demand for others and liberalism for itself."
7． Often jealous of others and believe that others are jealous of themselves.
8． Exhibits an arrogant behavior or attitude.
In order to get rid of their inner feelings of defect and inferiority, narcissists usually use three major strategies:
1, transfer responsibility: they will blame you for their mistakes (throwing the pot).
2) Form a sense of superiority: They will treat their critics with superiority or contempt.
3) Indignation: Even the smallest challenge to self-esteem may be provoked and indignantly countered.
At the same time, narcissism makes people obsessed with the use of others, and all interpersonal interactions are only to meet the needs of the self.
If others no longer have use value, people's "love" disappears.
The end of narcissism is the barren land of love
If a person makes you angry, there is a basic reason: the other person does not do what you say, think, and demand.
That is: you are angry because the other person does not meet your expectations.
Only people who make us uncomfortable, we will use the "reasonable" way to tell each other that they are doing wrong and expect each other to change.
Behind this discomfort lies a narcissistic fantasy: others (and more deeply, parents) should do what I expect and should make me comfortable.
Blaming others is because of the inability to take care of themselves
The reason we can't stop judging comes from our own growing up in the instructions of our parents that "it should be this way" and "shouldn't be that way."
Emotions, especially negative emotions, are always denied, and adults constantly tell us to "not cry" and "not to lose our temper", but never tell us why, or how to deal with them effectively.
Gradually, we have a disgusted and repulsive mentality toward negative emotions, and learn to ignore our inner feelings and only do things according to the "should not" taught by our parents.
Since then, we have been separated from our inner feelings.
Narcissism is a very important part of developmental psychology, and if a person is not narcissistic enough, he will not be able to really love others in the future!
Therefore, narcissism is the basis for whether a person's personality is stable and mature.
If human narcissism goes wrong, it is more due to the empathetic, incomprehensible, and contemptuous attitude of our past culture towards the experience of individual narcissism. If this attitude of non-acceptance lasts a long time and is intense, it will seriously hurt the individual's sense of self-worth.
For example, in order to promote their children to obtain excellent academic performance, parents use the so-called radical method to belittle the achievements that their children have achieved so far, and their children's grades may be better, but people's narcissism is often hit, resulting in a decrease in self-worth and easy to suffer from depression.
Some people use filters, beautification, and various technical means to package themselves as stars.
There's nothing wrong with entertaining yourself, but don't be obsessed with this illusory self.
Plain-looking you are actually quite good-looking, the key is that you have to be able to accept your true self - narcissistic but not excessive.
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