Missing my uncle

When I finish writing this article and look up, I will surely remember the appearance of my uncle, the outline after the illness, so clear, and so far away. Only then did I truly realize that my uncle had really gone and would never come back.

For as long as I can remember, my uncle was full of silver hair, and he was kind and majestic, and he has always been regarded by me as an example. He's a strong man. The strong man has his superiority over the average person, and there are also places that are incomprehensible to the average person. He is atmospheric, but also domineering, he is happy and bold, but also hard, he makes you respect and make you afraid, he cares about others, but rarely shows his feelings, he is strong and conceited and cannot tolerate living behind others, but the tribulations of life make him lonely inside.

As the saying goes, "raising a child is like a grandfather", although the age gap with the uncle is too big, and the uncle is too far away, but since I was a child, my mother will always talk to me about my uncle, saying that my uncle is my role model, saying that my uncle is the first cadre in the village to go out, he joined the work in his teens, from the county to the city, step by step, step by step is relying on his superior ability and courage.

When I was in high school, my mother and I lived in my uncle's house close to the school, and every day after school, I would bring my uncle to today's newspaper in the newspaper box at the door, and my uncle would talk to me about national events in a very thick voice. In the afternoon, after dinner, I read in the yard, and my uncle would walk alone in the yard, and he would rarely talk to me, and every time he walked up to me, he would look at me for a long time, and then walk away quietly. Sometimes when I was alone at home, he would quietly walk up to my house, sit down and ask me about school, and tell me a lot of things about people.

One winter, the snow in Yulin was very heavy, and every morning, my mother would get up early, make me an early breakfast, and then go to the yard where my uncle lived to clear the snow. By the time I finished eating and getting ready to go out, my uncle had already returned from exercising outside, and after the cerebral thrombosis, my uncle had been stubbornly receiving various treatments and carrying out high-intensity exercises, and he was so strong all his life that he did not want others to see him sick.

In front of our uncles, we who are juniors will always relax. Although he is not easy to walk, his mind is always so young and active, no matter what the topic, he will talk to you endlessly. Throughout his life in politics, he always has the foresight and broad vision of a statesman, and he is always full of wisdom.

In recent years, I have come to Xi'an to study, and I have more opportunities to contact my uncle. This made me feel that in my uncle's eyes, I had risen from a child to a stage where I could talk about life and career on an equal footing with him. Maybe it was my uncle who suddenly realized that he was old, and he would always tell me about my mother's painful childhood when I was a child, when I was two years old, I didn't have a mother, and I grew up barefoot. Many times he told me to be filial to my mother and to write a biography of my mother when I had the opportunity. Every time I think of this, my heart will be extremely uncomfortable, I know that although my uncle is old and sick, his heart has always been worried about his sister who is far away from home, worried about me.

In his later years, his temper became particularly grumpy, he was easily emotional, he would scold people as soon as he opened his mouth, and his relatives were full of incomprehension and boredom, but I knew that my uncle was lonely, and the entanglement of more than ten years of illness made him a person who had been in the limelight, almost becoming half-dead, and in more than ten years, two sons had left him, and the desolation of losing his son in his old age was something that ordinary people could bear? However, like all the Hanzi in northern Shaanxi, he stood up again and again, silently bearing the injustices and disasters that life gave him.

Uncle's love is great love, although there is no bit of care, but his love is serious, strong, broad and profound. His bumpy life is itself a canon that records the fate of the family, and whenever I read it, it shines with wisdom and allows me to obtain a steady stream of spiritual motivation.

Two months ago, my mother came to Xi'an to visit my uncle who was seriously ill, and I sent my mother to my uncle's house, and the old man lay powerlessly on the bed, as if he had suddenly aged at a speed that could not be concealed, and his body was so emaciated that only a lump of skin remained, and the man who had once been majestic and roaring in my eyes was like a helpless child at the moment. He took my hand and said in a weak voice, "Uncle is no more, uncle is not okay." In an instant, my tears burst out of my eyes, and the emotions that had accumulated in my heart over the years made my heart turn upside down.

On the night of April 25th, I went to the hospital to visit my uncle, when I went, my uncle had just woken up from his coma, he was full of tubes, my mother told me that my uncle had not eaten for several days, only by infusing some nutrient solution every day, my uncle held me tightly again with his skinny hand, this time, I felt that my uncle was using all his strength to hold me, he turned his head and proudly said to the nurse who took care of him: "This is my nephew", who knows, this is the last word that my uncle left me. He had been holding it deadly, for a long, long time. At that time, I didn't say a word, presumably disappointing the old man. I'm not reluctant to say it, but I really don't know what to say or how to say it. Life is short, fate is uncertain, and in the face of such an old man who has experienced too many tribulations and changes, I know that all comfort is pale.

Later, I kept hearing the news that my uncle was critically ill, several times I wanted to go to the hospital to see my uncle, but I was afraid that people would go more to add chaos to my uncle, during that time, what I was most afraid of was to receive a call from my mother, every night I had to send a message to my mother, asking about my uncle's situation, I prayed in my heart, praying that my uncle could still avoid this disaster as before.

On the afternoon of May 1st, when I dreamed that my uncle had died during the noon break at home, I suddenly woke up from the dream, sweating profusely, and there was a vague ominous omen in my heart. At six o'clock, I received a call from my mother, who told me in a heavy voice that my uncle had died at 4:46 p.m. I hurried to my uncle's house, and as soon as I entered the door, I saw the portrait placed in the middle of the living room, and at that moment I really realized that my uncle was gone, really gone.

During my uncle's funeral, I sat alone on the bed where my uncle had once been lying, staring at the portrait of my uncle in the living room. I watched from a distance countless times, using my eyes to sketch my uncle's face, so that my uncle's voice and smile would be engraved in my heart forever.

Early in the morning of May 3rd, the farewell ceremony of my uncle's body was held, and when I looked outside the solemn memorial hall, my uncle's name appeared on the huge man's curtain, the name that had appeared familiar to me in my life, the name that was once as great as a monument, but now it became white, everything changed, my heart was sour, my uncle really had to go. He slept quietly among the flowers and cypresses, as in the past, kind and majestic, covered with a bright red party flag. From then on, in this city, I could no longer see his straight figure, and I could no longer hear his hearty laughter, even though I lived to be a hundred years old, a thousand years old, and I would never see my uncle again. The Optimus Prime of our great family collapsed like this!

I can no longer make a phone call at any time, as I used to, just say hello: "Uncle, I will see you today", and then I can run to the family hospital of Longshou Village Central Hospital to knock on the blue door. My uncle always sat in a chair next to the sofa in the living room and waited quietly, tilting his head to greet me with his piercing eyes. Since then, I can no longer see the shadow of my uncle at family gatherings, and in the past, every holiday, my uncle's family would always call me to go to school in Xi'an and go out to eat together. He was always so decent, although it was inconvenient to move, but every time he went out, he always had to wear the cleanest and neatest clothes, tie his shirt in a belt, comb his hair meticulously, and wipe his shoes clean.

These days, my eyes are often touched by my uncle's suffering, and whenever I am alone, I often think of the way my uncle looked when he last saw me, and he cried involuntarily several times.

Uncle, my uncle, I know that your life has been bumpy, but in the face of life's tribulations and injustices, you always maintain a calm and calm in your heart! You have never lacked the wisdom of survival and the philosophy of being a human being, almost understanding the world, and especially humane. Yes, everything is a smoke cloud, everything will pass! What a state of mind! How should people live to live their lives? And how should we face the injustices and gains and losses in life? People who have experienced the ups and downs of life, will they still care about gains and losses, fame and fortune? Having experienced the life and death of a loved one, what else cannot be tolerated and cannot be released? You have left too much, too much life thinking and enlightenment for our juniors! You are a person with great ambitions, and politics may not be your first choice in life, but you can do anything, and your understanding of life is like a fire that burns a brilliant flame.

Uncle, my uncle, you remember when you left Yulin to give me your treasured watch, and encouraged me to study hard and strive to be admitted to Xi'an University.

Uncle, my uncle, you know that I have been carrying the watch you gave me, and looking at it, I will remember everything you have said to me, and I will remember what my mother told me, "Be like your uncle, stand up to the sky."

Uncle, my uncle, you still remember that you were still worried about my work in your hospital bed, and told my mother over and over again to correct my mentality and remember to be ambitious.

Uncle, my uncle, you know that until now, I am not used to turning around and not being able to find your figure, pushing open the door of your house, I can no longer call "uncle" first, and there is no longer a life in which you sit on a chair and talk to me. When I saw the obituary of anyone in the newspaper, I still couldn't help but look at the old man's death first, more than yours. Seeing the Expo on TV is so wonderful, you will complain and wonder why your uncle can't be a few years younger, if you can live for two more years in health, you may be able to see the opening of the Expo.

And all of this is now left in the blue sky and white clouds, in the wisps of green smoke, in the black land that can never cross the yin and yang! Separated by yin and yang, across heaven and earth, by my constant thoughts of my uncle.

People always like to say that the most precious thing is never to be obtained. In fact, the most precious thing is what we have around us, whether it is family, love or friendship. What should be cherished is everyone around you, and it is because of fate that you can come together. Know how to cherish, not those who have not been given or have been lost, but what you have now.

Born and happy, there is no regret in death. The flowers are still blooming, and the water is constantly flowing. I don't know if, through this writing, through these scattered passages, about my uncle, I can leave all that feeling, my pain, my regret, to these words, and discard them in the words. From then on, let these words bear what I can't bear. Life itself is meaningless, but family affection is attached to the shell of life like a snail for as long as life. Perhaps life only gains meaning by virtue of true affection. Tonight, at this moment of infinite thoughts, I only feel a force that helps me to cheer up quickly, I understand, it was given by my beloved uncle!

Written in the early hours of May 6, 2010, the fifth day after my uncle's death, this article was written by my cousin in memory of my father.