If one does not live in time, there can be no hope.
The author | See the psychology
Source| Seeing Psychology (id: kanjianxinli1)
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Qingming Pan Guangyi; Ai Ge - Twenty-four solar terms の清明
Some time ago, we did a solicitation:
Have you missed someone's life because of life and death?
As I read the many stories I had collected, the word "regret" took over my brain.
Some people witness the death of their father when they are young, and it is not until they grow up that they slightly appreciate the unwillingness of those who are dying;
Some people died because of their grandmother's suicide, and the scene of death appeared again and again in their sleep, and since then the word "grandmother" has become an untouchable pain;
Someone missed the last goodbye to her mother, and still hasn't let go, still struggling to find someone to replace her...
However, most people's attitude toward "death" tends to be "avoidant", or to feel obscure or frightening.
But what we want to say is that escaping "death" is a cruel thing to ourselves and to those who are about to die.
▷1◁
Half a year after my mother died, my father told me
Du Xiaohe, 40 years old
When my mother was in college at the age of 18, she left this world forever because of cerebral hemorrhage, and left me forever, but half a year later during the winter vacation, I was told this bad news.
It can be said that I didn't even see her last face.
Talking about the things that impressed my mother the most, I found that with her, what happened was some small things-
High school academic pressure is high, one night I rolled over in my bed, I couldn't sleep, I ran to my mother's room, lay quietly next to her, and fell asleep without any effort;
Once she rode me to play, when I crossed a small door, I stretched my leg and was hit by a barricade, I was a big girl at that time, but my mother still jumped out of the car anxiously, hugged me in pain, and kept apologizing to me;
After going to college, in order to save money, I only used the public phone to call home once, and my mother blamed me for not contacting her, but then I received a family letter with the handwriting of my father, mother and brother...
Although the letter was soaked in rat urine in the cupboard of my dormitory, I still took it back to my hometown and kept it in the drawer of my house.
Because this is the last time families get together, in the way of a letter.
That winter vacation, I came home from a long distance, saw that the bedroom bed was changed into a high school residential quilt cover, I felt a little different, and wondered if it was my mother to clean up, it should not be like this, she will definitely prepare a new warm quilt cover Ah... After two days at home, Dad finally told me I didn't have a mom.
Since knowing that my mother had died, the family had changed dramatically, and in the depths of my heart, I seemed to have always been reluctant to say goodbye to her, and even to this day, I am still looking for someone to replace her.
I remember doing my first counseling session, the counselor suggested me a complete goodbye, but I never found the right person.
Now gradually autistic, life has no direction.
I never dared to expect what would happen if my mother was still there, but if this self-exposure was a farewell, it might not be a bad thing for me.
▷2◁
I never dreamed that she would leave in this way
YUI, 18 years old
On October 31, 2019, as if with a premonition, even the heavens were crying, and it rained for a whole day.
When I woke up at noon that day, I opened my phone and saw the message sent by my sister, and the whole person was so sad that I began to convulse continuously, crying until I couldn't stand up, and I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes that day.
The sister's message said that Grandma was gone and had committed suicide.
I never thought that such bad news would come to me, as usual, and when I woke up, my grandmother, who was thousands of miles away, left me forever in this way, and the Mid-Autumn Festival was the last time we saw.
On the day of my grandmother's death, the water was cold and cold, and it was dark all day.
Before this, I remember my grandmother the most, that is, every time we went back to her house, she was always busy taking care of us, eating, all the best she could give, whenever we wanted to go back, always eager to give our best to us, our car was often stuffed.
But since my grandmother committed suicide and died, I often have in my mind the scene of her walking alone back to her hometown.
There was no one in her hometown, there were many dense trees on both sides of the road, she was alone in the rain, eating a few buns she bought, step by step, walking to the well in front of her hometown, jumping down without any nostalgia for this world, towards eternal death.
For a long time after that, I didn't dare to sleep alone, because my mind constituted the scene of my grandmother committing suicide, which made me tremble with heartache, and I would never have dreamed that my grandmother would leave us in such a way.
To this day, when my friends around me say the word "grandmother", I am always very silent and sad.
Because, that's a wound I can't touch.
▷3◁
May we still be a family a hundred years from now
Cathy, 30 years old
When he was 6 years old, his father was seriously ill, and when he and his family rushed to the hospital, they were immediately greeted by him with various tubes in his nose, his face was sallow, and his body was thin.
At that time, I was very young, and I did not notice that my father, who was seriously ill, was no longer alive or interesting, and only felt uncomfortable in the hospital room full of the smell of potions.
My aunt took my hand and asked me to say the last word or two to my very weak father, and I remembered that a few unfamiliar relatives next to me looked directly at me, and seemed to be expecting what I was going to say next.
However, in this strange and oppressive environment, shame grabbed me fiercely, making me too shy to speak for a long time.
The aunt next to me saw the situation and reminded me that I even taught me word by word that I would study well.
After I finished saying this sentence like a parrot, I hurried away from the pale and terrible ward.
Now that I have reached the age when I can understand my father, I have not fulfilled the promise I made to my dying father at that time, and I did not study well during my study, but now my life is on the formal stage.
Occasionally thinking of the lifeless face and the empty eyes in the ward, I began to feel strongly how unwilling he was when he was struggling with the disease.
Unwilling to leave a poor wife;
Not willing to be absent from the child's growth;
Not willing to live their short lives...
Sometimes envious of others who can still snuggle up next to their father, I often think, if I could say a word to my father who is far away in heaven, I would like to say:
Dad, I know that you are very unwilling, and I know that when you leave, you can never let go of us, but our family will take your life, work hard together to live, live well, and hope to see each other again in a hundred years, we are still a family.
▷4◁
Remembering him who is no longer there is sad and regretful
Small, 22 years old
My dad wasn't around me for over a year.
I remember that just the day before the accident, I had a phone call with him, and I happened to be playing in Hong Kong, watching the people in Hong Kong coming and going, and thinking that I would take him here to see it in the future.
Dad was happy on the phone because I said I had five days to go home, and he said he was flipping through the calendar every day, waiting for my return date, and I was looking forward to the moment when I came home. I never slept that night, thinking about what I was going to do when I got home:
To make a cake for dad to eat;
To take Dad on a tour;
To talk to Dad about his little grandson...
The next day, before dawn, I heard my brother's phone ringing in the next bed, and in my confusion I heard my sister-in-law choking on the other end of the phone and saying, "You're coming back, Daddy's gone." ”
It seems to be in a dream, but it is so real.
The brother was afraid that he had heard wrongly, and called the big brother again, until he heard the big brother say "Yes, I am here with Daddy", and we completely believed in such a nightmare.
My brother sat on the bed and didn't move, and when I got up and sat on the stool outside, I didn't cry, but when I went to the car after packing my things and pulling my suitcase, the tears never stopped.
Sitting in the car, I was very anxious, I wanted to go back to my father's side quickly, I hoped that when I got home, I could see him smile and tell me, Don't you have five days to come back, how did it come earlier?
However, after reaching the scene of the accident, the closer you get, the heavier your steps become. When I was about to arrive, I saw him covered with a white cloth in the distance, and I felt that my feet could not be moved, and I did not want to believe that the person lying on the side of the road was my father, and obviously we were still on the phone yesterday.
Summoning up the courage to lift the cover and find that it was really him, lying there peacefully, I collapsed and knelt down in front of him, tears constantly sliding down.
Now that I think of him who is no longer there, it is sad and regrettable.
Obviously he was so healthy, but he had not yet enjoyed the blessing, so he left this world and left me.
▷5◁
He said, "I just hid."
L,24岁
My boyfriend, who has been away from me for 9 years and 7 months.
I met when I was in junior high school, and he was at the same table at my back table.
He doesn't like to learn, and I often force him to learn at the end of class;
He loves to smoke and when I asked him to quit, he said he tried harder;
When I was not very familiar, he would hold my hand and patiently teach me to skate;
After that, we were in a relationship for almost half a year.
He and I go to class every day and sneak up on phone and text when we get home.
Thinking back to the last time I met him, it was a Friday afternoon, I and his good friend had to have one more class, he and my girlfriend stayed together to wait for us, after the class the four of us walked out of the school together, I don't know what was ridiculed by his good friend, I was a little embarrassed at the time, I didn't even say goodbye, I went home separately.
On the weekend we chatted on the phone as usual, when I went shopping on Sunday afternoon, it happened that the phone was out of power, went home to charge the phone, found that he had not sent me a message, felt a little strange, but still did not pay attention to it, did not call him to send a message.
It was late in the evening that his friend told me that he had drowned and had not been able to save him.
I cried all the time that night, I don't know when I went to sleep, and in my sleep he stood not far away, unable to see him clearly, and he texted me and said, "I just hid." ”
For a long time, I fell into endless self-blame, and I thought that if I didn't go shopping, if I could talk to him all the time that day, he wouldn't go out, there would be no accidents.
I remember the night before, his friend sent me a message saying:
"Sister, don't talk to him all the time, let him play poker with us."
▷6◁
Write at the end
The deceased "Yang Fei" in Yu Hua's "Seventh Day" preached:
"We walk in silence, and the name of this silence is death. We stop talking, then because our memories don't move forward. ”
As I look through these stories, I also feel sad that the imprint of someone left in this world has come to an abrupt end.
Bystanding life and death, we have too much helplessness;
Facing life and death, we have too much helplessness.
Every time we publish an article about loss and death, our backstage always receives many stories about regret.
Some people are in endless pain, caught in the vortex of despair of losing their loved ones, and cannot get out for a long time;
Some people strive for hope, looking for new warmth again and again, and finding their own new life.
It can be said that death, like survival, will always be a big problem that we humans must face and think about.
But we always have to follow the footsteps of time and move forward.
As the saying goes:
- The End -
Article Introduction: The original public account of this article [seeing psychology], the fundamental need of life, is the desire to be seen, pay attention to the public account "see psychology", and understand yourself.
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