01
After giving birth to the second treasure, the mother-in-law volunteered to help us with the child. When I first gave birth to Dabao, I didn't let her take it, mainly considering that her health was not too good, my mother-in-law was 66 years old, had high blood pressure, and her legs were not too good, so I have always been personal in the matter of taking children.
I don't force my mother-in-law to help me with the child, in my opinion, her body is the most important, "can take it, can not bring and do not force" .
I had two children, and my mother-in-law didn't take care of my confinement, first, my mother was younger, and second, I got along more well with my mother. In these small things, the mother-in-law does not help, and I do not complain about anything, because in my opinion, the old man can help you as much as he can, and if he can't help, he will find a way with his husband.
Fortunately, after two months of the second treasure, the mother-in-law said that she was in good health, so the second treasure also let her take it. Mother-in-law with two treasures, I never restrict anything, completely by her method, I will not instruct her to do housework, about cooking is also the two of us to discuss. Now that I have been with my mother-in-law for five or six months, the two of them have not had any conflicts. My mother-in-law was happy to help us with our children because she got along better with me.
I am grateful to my mother-in-law, and I did not take it as a matter of course for her to help with the children.
Helping is a sentiment, not an obligation.
My mother-in-law often said that when I take your daughter to kindergarten, I should go back to my hometown to live my own life. I smiled and said, "You live here all the time, we don't hate you." The mother-in-law said, "I know you don't hate me, but I just want to live my old age." In three years, I will be 70, and when the time comes, I will go back to the old house with your father and live in the old house for a few years of leisure."
My mother-in-law and I have always said something, my mother-in-law's later life is quite OK, she helped her eldest brother's family with children when she was 45 years old, we got married relatively late, fortunately, when she was 66 years old, she had a second treasure, and it was still too late. But some elderly people are not as lucky as my mother-in-law, who has been busy with her children and grandchildren since she retired, and she does not know when she will be a head.
If the children and grandchildren can thank her for hurting her, it is better to say that they are afraid that "you are kind enough to help, and they take your good as a matter of course."
I told the story of a 75-year-old aunt who was a neighbor in our neighborhood, and she said to me: "Your mother-in-law is happy, at least you all know how to be grateful, unlike me, helping my children with children ruined my old life, and I fell ill." I think now that I am really tired of living, and I have not lived much for myself. ”
02
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > helped my children with children ruined my old life and fell ill</h1>
Aunt Lu is 75 years old, but she is still helping her son and daughter-in-law to bring the second treasure, in fact, the year before, Aunt Lu could finally go home and reunite with her husband, but a phone call from her son came, and she could only come. The daughter-in-law said before that she did not want a second child, but later she may have regretted it and had a second child.
It is a good thing to have a second child, but Aunt Lu has not had a good relationship with her daughter-in-law.
In the early years, when Aunt Lu helped to bring her eldest grandson, she had a lot of contradictions with her daughter-in-law. Aunt Lu's daughter-in-law has a lot of things, the child's bottle must be disinfected every day, and the rag that wipes the bottle must be separate from the one that brushes the bowl. Aunt Lu did everything, but she still couldn't satisfy her daughter-in-law, who hated that her bowls were not clean and the ground was not clean, and she was always reprimanded. Aunt Lu is not strong, only promises, she does not dare to say anything to her daughter-in-law.
In those years with the eldest grandson, living under the same roof with her daughter-in-law was like walking on thin ice for Aunt Lu, which was really painful. But if you don't help with the children, the daughter-in-law here will make a more serious fuss, in short, her relationship with the daughter-in-law is: the daughter-in-law needs her help, but she treats everything as it should, and gives her as a nanny, never grateful.
Her daughter-in-law has an attitude: I have given birth to grandchildren for your family, and the surname is also your family's surname, and you don't bring anyone with me. When I marry into your family, you will have to take care of your grandchildren, which is what you should do, and who will let the children call you grandma?
Aunt Lu was dissatisfied, but she did not dare to say anything, thinking that as long as her son and daughter-in-law lived well, it would be possible.
During the day with the child, the child slept with her at night, and she had to get up to help make milk powder, because the daughter-in-law did not have much milk in the first child. So in those years, Aunt Lu didn't know how to survive, and sometimes she felt dizzy and didn't dare to tell her daughter-in-law, for fear that she would pretend to be sick.
When I brought my eldest grandson, I was still young, 58 years old, and I could still withstand some physical hardships.
With her in it, the daughter-in-law does not do any housework, and the daughter-in-law does not work, even if she will pick her fault. Her son can help her, but he often travels, and most of the time she lives with her daughter-in-law, so she is also bitter. She often thinks, "Did this grandson give birth to me?" But it's not my surname, and the grandson is not filial piety to his son and daughter-in-law, and how much does it have to do with her. ”
But Aunt Lu did not dare to talk to her daughter-in-law more, for fear of causing more contradictions.
When the grandson reached the age of 7 and the first grade, the daughter-in-law said that she would not need to land aunt in the future, so she let her go home.
After Aunt Lu returned home, she felt sorry for her daughter and helped her bring her children for several years. Because Aunt Lu helped her daughter with the child, the daughter-in-law has been looking at her unpleasantly, "Also help the daughter with the child, I see that you are not tired, what good can you do with your grandson, is it your grandson?" Aunt Lu is also helpless, her daughter has no mother-in-law, and she can't watch her girlfriend have no job.
After helping the girlfriend transition, Aunt Lu returned to her own home for a few years of leisure.
She made up her mind not to give her daughter-in-law a second child, because she felt that she didn't have the energy, but then her daughter-in-law wanted to have a second child and squeezed her: "You have helped your own daughter-in-law to bring it, and you have to help us bring it." "She didn't force her daughter-in-law to have a second child, but her daughter-in-law wanted a daughter-in-law, who was more than forty years old, and gave birth to a second child." Aunt Lu also had a hard time saying, her son and daughter-in-law's phone rang, and she could only come from her hometown.
This time Aunt Lu was not as good a bully as in previous years, she couldn't do any housework, Aunt Lu said to her daughter-in-law: "I can help you with the child, but this time how to bring me." You don't want to make me a babysitter, I'm old and I really don't have that energy. If I really get sick and am hospitalized, it will be more than worth the loss. ”
Aunt Lu hopes that her daughter-in-law is a grateful person, but a person's nature is so such that it is not so easy to change. Aunt Lu is also a very hard time.
Aunt Lu said: "It is said that raising children to prevent old age, but I don't think so, I have been busy working for my children and grandchildren in the second half of my life, tired, tired, and there is no old age life." Sometimes I think I should really be selfish, or you will not be able to live well. She is grateful to you, if you are not grateful, you can't wait for the blessing of 'ten years to see your daughter-in-law'. ”
03
I listened to my mother-in-law about Aunt Lu.
My mother-in-law later confessed to me: "Do you know why I am willing to help you with your children?" You don't have that much to do. You also care about me very much, and if I am tired you will let me rest well. You put my body first, and you treat me as a family member. If I take the child, you tell me to dislike me, and I will not do it, and no one will be willing to do anything that is not gratifying. We have lived most of our lives, and in our later years we are still so bullied, who wants to. ”
In fact, it is like this, comparing heart to heart, if it is me, I am not happy.
On the question of "who brings the child when the little couple has a child", my understanding is that the elderly can help, and we the younger generation should pay for sharing and gratitude. If the old man can't help, the couple discusses a solution to see who resigns, or find a babysitter to bring.
I have always believed that it is the responsibility of parents to bring children, and we cannot put their responsibility on the elderly, who are not the parents of children. Since we choose to have children, we have to take good care of children, which is our responsibility as parents and a necessary stage of our growth.
The old man helped us with the children, and we were more thankful.
Like Aunt Lu, to be honest, since the effort is not flattering, it is really better not to bring it and live your own life well. Why bother? You pay money to make efforts to be unflattering, and you are disliked by people, you are tired and sick, people still say that you are pretending, such a sincerity is a bit excessive. The old man to help us with the child is not the right, you give birth to the child is not for the old life, a little more grateful, as long as the mother-in-law is not so much, must be better for it, so that there will be a more harmonious mother-in-law relationship.
Writing this article, I hope that the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law should understand each other, it is not easy to understand others, and respect is mutual.
Mother-in-law is also not easy, to be kind. Elderly people with children are not easy, to be grateful. Young people want to be independent, not overly dependent. The elderly should also think more about themselves.
Today's topic: Do you think the mother-in-law has the obligation to bring her grandchildren? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.