As long as people live in this world, they often encounter many things that make them angry.
For example, let the husband come back to the supermarket to buy vegetables, but forget to buy salt, so he comes back and yells at him;
The leader talks about the project with the department leader, because of a wrong data in the subordinate report, resulting in the project can not be carried out, so the leader is angry;
Driving into a car owner who does not comply with traffic rules, almost got into a traffic accident, and was eager to beat the other party.
When we encounter things, we will be overwhelmed by anger, unable to control our emotions, knowing that we should not be angry, but still unable to control our temper.
Anyone will be angry, anger itself is not terrible at all, what is terrible is behind the anger, if we can't control our emotions, it will lead to the consequences in the eyes.
So how do we control our emotions?
How not to be angry, a 20-year study by American emotion management experts Raymond Chip Taft and Howard Kashinoff, is a book that helps you control your anger and lead a more productive life, which makes us stop the endless emotional friction and help us rebuild the rational order within us.
01 How does anger hurt us?
You will find that some people's lives are very unhappy. It turns out that they live in anger, and it is because of anger that their lives are terrible. In the book "How not to be angry", anger can bring misfortune to people's health, work, and life.
Through medical research, it has been shown that anger can cause serious health problems, it will make people's ecglyctic instability, and anger can also lead to an increase in cardiovascular disease.
Anger is also very harmful to interpersonal and work, we will communicate with others for a long time, but the emergence of anger makes two people who are closely related, thus destroying this relationship.
In our relationships, if we often feel angry, we will solve problems in cases of anger, which will lead to the breakdown of the relationship, which will affect life and work.
So anger is terrible, it will keep us in this uneasy situation for a long time, so what is anger?
02 Do you know what anger is?
Anger is that we compare what we expect with reality, and when this expectation is not met, we will have a negative emotion, but how I face how anger comes from, is it a bit vague, I give you an example:
Driving to work today, I also encountered car owners who did not comply with traffic rules, forcibly plugged, waited until the company was late, and then encountered the leader called to let him go to the office, to make the plan before leaving work, tomorrow's meeting to use, it was not easy, before leaving work to finish the plan, I did not know, I want to stay for a meeting, wait for the meeting to finish, return home, see the husband did not prepare dinner, play games on the sofa, nameless anger gushed out.
Are you going to get angry? So the husband quarreled, and then counted the husband, the husband did not consider the wife's work is not easy, but counted the wife for the work of the family, the two sides have a cold war.
In fact, your point of anger is: I have worked all day, I have not eaten dinner, and I see my husband sitting on the couch who only cares about playing games and is not considerate of himself at all. The next time you encounter a similar situation, the brain will unconsciously intensify into "angry" behavior, thinking that anger can solve the problem.
Our angry behavior is greatly derived from the influence of our original family, we will imitate the pattern of getting along between parents, if the parents use quarrels and anger to solve the problem, the child learns anger and quarrels,
I am constantly correcting my behavior through learning and time, so I think that our behavior is wrong and can be stopped in time.
03 Three stoves to get angry
We clearly see that anger is not only a failure to solve problems well, but also harmful to our health, relationships and lives.
Control your anger and do the following three things
First: Lifestyle changes
When we are angry, we must examine the reasons for our anger at this moment, when anger can solve the problem, do we want to solve the problem through other methods first?
We come out of our previous angry emotions, re-examine our emotions, and find a way of life that suits us so that we are not led by anger.
Second: Self-improvement, a new approach to socializing
We feel very angry when we encounter problems that are difficult to solve, and if we want to get rid of anger, we have to find another solution, so it is very important to improve our ability to solve problems.
We tend to have three attitudes toward problems: avoidance, rudeness, and positivity. Choose to avoid problems, the actual can not solve the problem, rough will only bring more problems, only actively face the problem, can solve the problem well.
So how to improve yourself and face the problem positively? The first thing we have to do is to clarify the problem and find the cause of the problem; secondly, find a solution to the problem, and when time permits, we can prepare multiple solutions; and finally choose the best solution to solve the problem.
Third: Change your thinking and break down stereotypes
When we are angry, let our hearts calm down and think, tell ourselves that we don't have to be angry about this matter, but find a reasonable solution.
In life, we have to practice how to control our emotions, the practice of any ability is through continuous reinforcement to achieve fixation, a strong heart is also produced in this situation.
Therefore, properly changing the mode of thinking can also greatly solve the problem.
Write at the end
To live what kind of life, to control their emotions, a person who can't even control his emotions can't live his life.
Anger is not terrible, what is terrible is that we humans cannot reasonably control it.
The book "How not to be angry" made me understand that anger has brought harm to our health, life, and interpersonal relations, and only by facing it correctly can we better live our lives.