Lai Peixia, a Taiwanese, was a former actress and presenter. Raised by her mother alone until the age of eight, she began to study psychology after the birth of her eldest daughter and came into contact with many psychology masters.
The first time I knew Lai Peixia was on a variety show called I Am an Orator.
When the host asked her, what are you going to give us today?
She said, and asked the audience two questions.
When the family are all policemen and there is a thief, who is the traitor?
When the family are thieves and out of a policeman, who is the traitor?
When no one could answer, she said, "I'm not talking about right or wrong here, I'm just talking about the impact our families have on us." In my twenty-five years of psychological counseling, the most common thing to talk about is the impact of the original family on us, especially the influence of the values of the original family.
<h1>When your mother is full of sorrow, do you dare to be happy. </h1>
What are the values?
It is a person's standard by which things are measured.
Probably don't dare, the mother is not happy, the child really will not be happy.
Do adults remember the shadow of being beaten and scolded by their parents' sticks as children?
What was our mood at that time, afraid, afraid, cautious, afraid that if we didn't do well, we would be scolded.
The father is strict and the mother is kind. When criticized by your father, you can look for your mother's embrace. What if our mother's arms are not stable?
When the mother also begins to blame the child, the child will feel isolated, begin to wonder, and begin to be heartbroken. And the traditional Chinese parents will say that I scold you because I love you, and I beat you because I love you.
They feel that you are wrong, they feel that hitting you and scolding you is loving you, which is the value of parents to measure things.
Sometimes we do not make unforgivable mistakes, but the mother is very angry, why adults can understand the adult world, can not understand the child, parents scold the child is not because the child has made a big mistake, but after the child made a mistake, they are very angry, can not control their emotions.
It is impossible to deny the love of parents for their children, but some acts in the name of love and do hurtful things.
So what will happen to this child, when she wonders, when she does not understand, she will think,
Imagine a child who was sneered at by his parents in childhood, and when he grows up, he expresses his concern for his parents in the same way.
Don't you have a lot of money, don't you have millions, and you can't afford to buy medicines?
Children who are explicitly forbidden to do things by their parents in childhood are forbidden to do things in the same way.
I'll throw away your broken speaker when I go square dancing, and you're going to have this leg for me to sleep at home.
Are they happy like this, as if they have made an equivalent exchange.
If my children do this to me in the future, how will I feel?
<h1>If we do this to our children now, that's how we treat our children later. </h1>
Some of our original families not only gave us distorted values, but also gave us unhappy childhoods.
It may be difficult to change this, some people are looking for it all their lives, but parents have the will to teach their babies in a different way than they once did, and give the love that our parents did not give us, the patience ❤️ they did not give us, to their children and parents.
Then our children will definitely harvest a different year, there will be no more unhappiness and regrets, childhood is full of warmth and love, if our parents are a "thief", I hope we can be a [policeman].
I like Teacher Lai Peixia very much, I hope to pass on my love to more people, I am Rose, a mother walking on the road. Follow me to learn together @ Rose Love Baby # Smart Kids Growing Up # #防疫养娃日记 #