Boy, I hope you know

Child, I hope you know that I have never been so desperate as this moment, this is the last time I remember your smiling face, and the next second, we will be separated forever and will not see each other. As a father, not being able to participate in your growth is my biggest regret in this life.

Half a month ago, outside the delivery room of the hospital, I nervously clenched my fist hidden in the pocket of my coat, hesitating whether to go out and smoke a cigarette, maybe it was too nervous, I just bought yesterday, there were more than half a box of cigarettes left, all of them were broken, and even the lighter in my pocket was warmed by me, but it was still difficult for me to calm down, I felt that my heart was beating as fast as if it was going to fly directly out of my chest, and even my chest cavity was suppressed and breathless. "Drink some water, see your mouth is going to be dry," said the sister who was waiting with me, still holding the water cup that had unscrewed the lid, I took a big sip from the water cup, I didn't expect that the mouth was too dry, and some of the water actually flowed out along the corner of the mouth and spilled to the floor, "Don't drink so urgently, drink slowly, quickly wipe your mouth with paper," my sister whispered, saying that she was ready to go and get the paper towel in the bag, "No need, just wipe it with your hand," I said as I bent my right index finger into a hook. Scrape off the water from your chin from left to right and flick it off with your thumb.

The corridor outside the delivery room was quiet, everyone was sitting on the benches, and apart from the occasional whispering conversation from the family, all that was left was my own wheezing and coughing, and nothing else. Just like that, after waiting for a long time, suddenly "hummed", the door of the delivery room was gently pushed open, I "sighed" and stood up, and quickly slipped over, the doctor who delivered the baby came out, "Congratulations, mother and child are safe," the doctor took off the mask and said, hearing this, my shoulders were like curtains, and "uproar" fell, because before this, I was so nervous that I almost buried my neck in my shoulders. I took a deep breath, but immediately took a sharp breath, I had never felt so comfortable as at this moment. Although the most hated place in my life is the hospital, at this moment I am really grateful here, because I have you here, my dear child, I swear that I must love you well, give you all I have, and I will accompany you to grow up to be a man who dares to do something! Child, I hope you know how fulfilled I was in that moment.

We named you "Mu En", hoping that you would receive the favor of all things in the world and live a peaceful and happy life. However, fate is always unpredictable, tomorrow and accident, we never know which will come first. On the ninth day after you were born, I felt something abnormal in my body, and when I woke up in the morning, my head was groggy, my chest was like it was tightly bound by a rope, and every breath I took would immediately spit out, and there was cotton in my throat, blocking my cough. I thought I was cold, so I took a few cold pills and fell asleep, I saw you in my sleep, my child, I saw you snuggled in your mother's arms, your mouth kept sucking on her milk, I was trying to go over and touch your little face, and as a result, a sudden sharp cough woke me up, this time the situation is really not good, because I am sweating all over my body, my cheeks are hot like freshly burned molten iron, and my head is like a leather ball that is pumping, and it feels like it will soon explode. So, I put on the slippers, ready to drink a cup of water to slow down, but unexpectedly, my thighs were as heavy as being stuffed into a lead block, the soles of my feet were as soft as stepping on a sponge, just two steps out, I felt that I was about to suffocate, how can I not use strength, "Oh my God, am I going to die," The thought of death instantly rushed to me like a sea of mountains, "boom" crushed me.

At the moment, I was lying on a critically ill bed, with a trace of breath at the corner of my mouth, tears accumulating in my eyes, "Maybe in the next second they will flow out," I thought. The virus has taken many people's lives and broken many people's lives, and I have not been spared, but, my child, I hope you know that Dad is smiling at the last second of his life, because all my mind is you, and everything about you is beautiful. I closed my eyes gently and exhausted my last breath, and in that second, farewell forever, my child.

I watched tears burst out of the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks into my cochlea, re-accumulating. Child, you must believe that we will also be reunited like these tears, the truth has always been there, you will never go alone.

I saw tears coming out of the corners of my eyes and down my face