Love seems to be the most unreasonable thing in the world:
Forced by his parents to go on a blind date countless times, he will still stubbornly say "I don't feel anything about him";
When in love, I was asked why I was ta, and the reason was "I don't know how I fell in love."
Free love, accompanied by marriage, but after marriage, roaring and saying "how did I blindly look at you"...
What happened in the moment of love?
Why are you sure that out of thousands of people, you are sure that he is not the person you are looking for?
Behind the marriage, what kind of psychological needs do people meet?
Choosing marriage reduces the anxiety of being different from others.
Almost everyone around you is pursuing marriage, your parents urge you to get married quickly, your friends complain to you about his married life, the media reports on which celebrity is married again, and everyone who is named "winner in life", without exception, is married. It's as if the whole world is telling you that "marriage is the only way to happiness."
Marriage is sometimes like a one-legged person looking for another leg in order to walk.
When the two men got together, they thought they had two legs and could walk like able-bodied people, as if all the problems had been solved.
However, often people overlook that they are an independent person. After finding the other leg, many people stood still and stopped walking.
But when the passion is gone, the laughter is gone, how long can the marriage last?
The purpose of love is to make each other learn to be "more ideal" and "more complete" people.
However, the problem is also here, when people enter love, they are often confused, they are not to make themselves an ideal person, but to try to make each other fit their ideals;
It is not to make yourself a more complete person, but to expect the other party to fill their own shortcomings.
If you look at people's feelings, are they all picking each other's faults, trying to change each other?
When you love a woman, you want to start improving her right away, and you think she should be.
Of course, she will improve you in turn, asking you to do this and do that, and asking you to do this or that:
"Speak like this" and "behave like that".
Then when the other person is not "this or that", the problem comes.
I wonder if you haven't noticed?
Couples argue back and forth for the same things, the same problems, the same conflicts.
The wife has a concept that the husband should be like this, and the husband thinks that the wife should not be like that, and both sides are trying to change each other to make the other fit their "ideal version", and the result is that the original good relationship is very bad.
Fate has an incredible magic, it has its own life and trajectory, it will evaluate, what kind of people, when, with what kind of people will learn the most things, will be therefore grown and transformed.
Therefore, the person you love, whether he is a rich man, a poor man, a beauty, an ugly man, or a rogue, a liar, a violent maniac, is the mysterious companion that your soul needs.
Only this person you love deeply, he has the opportunity to be so close to your heart, only he can lift the appearance of your fire tree and honeysuckle and enter the most claustrophobic place inside you.
He makes you cry, makes you laugh, overwhelms you, ecstatic, makes you hopeless.
Only this person has the ability to let you see the lack in your heart.
Only this person has the ability to forcefully open your well-covered wounds, expose it to the sun bloodily, and make you tear your heart and lungs apart in pain.
The person you love is your mirror, and it reflects your flaws and frustrations in the slightest.
Heaven has made you meet Him among thousands of people, not others.
What an amazing encounter!
Respecting each other as guests is the biggest lie in marriage
There is a story:
The young man went to visit the monk, and the two talked happily, so they agreed to eat together at noon.
During the meal, the monk pushed the big bowl in front of the young man and said, "Eat the big bowl!"
It was common sense that the young man should have pushed the bowl back to the monk as a sign of respect, but he did not prevaricate at all, and ate it with his mouth open.
When the monk saw him like this, he couldn't help but frown and thought:
I thought he was not shallow, but he didn't know etiquette at all!
After eating, seeing the look on the monk's face, he smiled and asked the monk: What is your purpose in keeping me?
The senior monk answered: Eat.
The young man pointed to the empty bowl in front of him and said, "Isn't your enthusiasm sincere?"
The monk had an epiphany: politeness means hypocrisy.
The same is true for husband and wife, if you put respect for each other as a guest in marriage, it is regarded as a goal to pursue, in fact, it is a disguised politeness, false courtesy.
Understand it from this aspect: I would rather believe that there is a little bit of banditry between husband and wife, and go straight to the point:
"Don't lie on the couch and play with your phone, be careful of blinding your dog's eyes!"
Then very accurately throw you a pillow, "Drink so late to come back, the old lady will let you spend the night outside the door", enter the door to find that in fact, you have already prepared a bath water, "the day is so cold not to wear more, freeze to death you deserve", and then put the coat on your body for you ...
In the dictionary of true love, there is no polite saying that we use our life's efforts to get infinitely closer to each other's hearts?
Finally, live happily into each other's left and right hands, and pinching them will hurt!
That's where marriage is most sensitive.
Respect each other as guests, treat people who are warmer than acquaintances and more polite than family.
And husband and wife are used to accompany and whiteheads, people who are closer than relatives, closer than family members, people with brothers and sisters, people with sideburns.
Once polite, there will be estrangement, and once respect, there will be reservations.
Imagine if one day the couple were polite to each other, making love would be Sven's politeness:
Can I get on you?
What kind of situation is that, sex is there, is there fun?
The farthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death.
But I have slept with you, and you have made me a friend!
What is the key to a happy marriage in the long term?
Not passion.
Passion is bound to die in love, and sooner or later a pot of boiling water will dry up.
Life often sees such a scene, desperate men and women in the love field, gritting their teeth and scolding: "I must have been blind in the first place, I fell in love with you, I met someone unladylike!" ”
More important than feelings is fairness.
In a good intimate relationship, everyone's benefits must be directly proportional to his efforts, that is, everyone feels that their efforts have been compensated and benefited enough.
When people feel that this is a fair "exchange", they will feel happy and happy, and they will have the initiative to be more willing to pay from the heart.
A good marriage is a win-win exchange.
Don't be afraid of the word "exchange", the essence of all relationships is exchange, including feelings, and when we give, we subconsciously hold the hope of getting something back, even if the parent loves the child.
Exchange can sometimes be utilitarian, but most of the time it is not utilitarian, on the contrary, it can also emerge from an altruistic point of view.
For example, "I love you, I want my love to make you happy, and your happiness is the best reward for me."
Love is a lifelong lesson, and it is also learned throughout a lifetime.
It is not marriage that disappoints, but marriage that makes people inevitably see disappointment in themselves;
It's not that marriage makes people happy, it's that marriage makes people learn how to make themselves happier;
It is not marriage that makes a person complete, but marriage that makes people learn to accept their own incompleteness.
In the final analysis, marriage is just a container, so that we in it can see a real but incomplete self, and make good use of such a limited self as much as possible!
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About the Author: Hyun-hong's teacher
Psychological counselor, tarot divinator, planetary energy bowl healer, free code word person, trainer.
I met you, and then I met myself! - Practical psychology
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