The original novel "Night Running" thinks about the meaning of life together

There are 8 fences for windows, the winter sun shines into the bed at 9:30 and slips away at 4:00, there are only holly in the yard, then high walls, and then nothing can be seen. Doctors and nurses come to check 3 times a day, and one of them is a good-looking walking model, but he can't twist it well.

"Did you know that the leaves are falling, the weather is getting cooler, people are wrapped up in clothes, isolated from everyone, and the world seems lonely." 」

"You know, 'not to be happy with things, not to be sad with yourself' is really difficult to do, because the environment has created you, and everyone only cares about themselves."

"You know, I'm sometimes in a clear mood, sometimes sentimental, but I'm hiding in my heart and pretending to be at ease."

Every day, I have too many similar little thoughts that I only tell myself - the patient in the same room is an old stubborn, familiar with the world, loses the beauty of life, and says that he is not interested in self-seeking; doctors and nurses are not good, they give people the feeling of cold, mechanical treatment and care for people. Parents and friends are even worse, because they can't understand, can't understand a different you.

In the middle of the night when I was tormented by illness, I would rely on meditation and soft language to peel away the pain and surpass myself.

"How to prove the existence of love? Hear and hear, see color, love can't see or touch, by feeling? Is it an electromagnetic exchange? ”

"What is the meaning of the existence of all things in the world?" A grass and a tree, all sentient beings, is just a dust between heaven and earth, what is the meaning of dust? ”

Whenever I think about these unanswered questions, I don't feel pain. All along, I can feel the love of my parents, the love is like the warm current of hot milk across the heart, like the winter sun caressing the face, involuntarily making you squint. As the pain became more frequent and the dose of the drug increased, I gradually felt that the love was unbearable and began to think about how I existed.

"It is said that there is a small river outside the courtyard wall, although the river is not large, but the water is very clear, the most important thing is that this river is connected to the Brahmaputra River, the Brahmaputra River is connected to the Jinsha River, the Jinsha River is connected to the Yellow River, the Yellow River is connected to the Yangtze River, and the Yangtze River is connected to the Pacific Ocean. The old stubborn does not like to talk, but he will tirelessly use his clumsy geographical knowledge to tell the intimate relationship between the small river outside the wall and the Pacific Ocean, and when he says this, he uses "we", as if we were together at that moment, I, the small river and him, and the Pacific Ocean had an intimate relationship together.

On an ordinary morning, the old stubborn and calm death, as the sound of the earth rushed farther and farther away, I lay on the bed and slowly stretched my body, and my soul became more awake and lonely. The whole ward was just me, as if the whole world was lying alone in the wasteland. He and I are not good patients with deep feelings and mutual encouragement, we just know each other, just patients who are randomly assigned together, but his death does make me uneasy, because this incident makes me sober, soberly aware of the terrible and irreparable disappearance, realize that this house is really me alone, and realize that the intimate relationship between "us" and the Pacific ocean no longer exists.

The moon was bright that night, illuminating the earth very white. People slept, snakes, insects, rats, ants, flowers, trees, all slept. I heard the flow of the river, and I heard her laughing in the moonlight. I was drawn to the roof by this joy and free flow, and saw the majestic and heroic river flowing unremittingly to the Brahmaputra, to the Jinsha River, to the Yellow River to the Yangtze River, and finally to merge with the Pacific Ocean. I felt like I was full of strength, running against the moonlight, jumping into the river.

From then on, I was free from everything, and I became the sea.