In the latest episode of the variety show "Heartbeat Signal".
Guest Guo Qilin blew himself up about the reason why he was still single for so many years.
Guo Qilin, many people may not know much, only know that he is Guo Degang's son.
He was also known as the "Grand Duke of the Deyun Society".
When he faced marriage problems, even if his father Guo Degang constantly urged marriage, he still insisted on his own ideas and opinions.
Guo Qilin directly confessed: "I don't want to fall in love now." ”
Because he felt: "Loneliness is longer, not companionship".
At the same time, Guo Qilin also said: "My first love occurred when she was 13 years old, when she was still young, and her feelings were still in a state of ignorance, this love talked for seven months, and finally ended because she dropped out of school and went home to learn crosstalk." ”
When Guo Qilin was asked why he was still single, he generously expressed his thoughts:
"People are constantly switching between loneliness and companionship, and for twenty-four hours, you may sometimes want to be lonely, and sometimes you want to seek companionship. The reason why I don't want to be in love now is because I think it's cool to live alone. I will fall in love when I really need companionship because I am afraid of loneliness."
Guo Qilin's answer does not feel like what this age group would make.
He has his own ideas and opinions, and he controls his emotional transformation very well.
He also summed up his reasons for being single on the show:
1. It is easy to ignore the feelings of those around you
2. Don't know romance at all
3. No one can see it
As soon as these remarks came out, netizens immediately fried the pan, and they all felt that Guo Qilin had spoken his heart.
His ideas actually represent the ideas of most contemporary young people, which is why they have caused a hot discussion on the Internet.
Of course, some netizens also expressed their opinions: they think that many people do not talk about love until now because they have not talked about it in a serious way.
Sometimes I will see through a lot of stories from the people around me, causing myself to lose my enthusiasm and confidence in love, and I don't want to fall in love more and more.
This is also the reason why the marriage rate has been declining continuously, and more and more people are reluctant to get married.
Now that the living conditions have improved, the pursuit of the personal aspect is getting higher and higher.
This pursuit is not only a spiritual pursuit, but also a requirement for the other half.
Everyone is no longer limited to beautiful appearances, and there are other deeper things.
Guo Qilin also exposed his mate selection criteria in the program.
He said of his ideal type: "If you are looking for a girlfriend, you must first look at the appearance of the other party, the appearance should be good and temperamental, if you want to get married, appearance is not the most important, you need to consider personality and temperament."
And directly said that "will not find insiders, must not find peers, will not find girls who listen to cross-talk, cheerful personality but can not be too publicity, the age difference can be accepted difference of about ten years."
Such conditions make netizens feel a little harsh.
If you don't look for a crosstalk, especially his fans basically can't meet the standard.
Guo Qilin is also not afraid to take off the powder, and still expresses the truest thoughts in his heart.
It was not surprising that he had such thoughts.
Growing up in the cross-talk circle and understanding this circle, you will be able to understand the effort and hard work behind it.
Not only that, but this also has a lot to do with Guo Qilin's experience of growing up.
It is understood that Guo Qilin is the child of Guo Degang and his ex-wife Hu Zhonghui.
Hu Zhonghui, an amateur actor, met while attending a cross-talk student class held by the Tianjin Hongqiao Cultural Center.
The two met for half a year and got married, the woman was at home with children, and the man has been busy with his career outside.
As a result, the relationship between the husband and wife fell to a freezing point and the marriage ended, when Guo Qilin was only 4 years old.
He was later raised by his grandparents.
When he was in elementary school, he worked very hard and did well in his studies.
Later when someone asked him why he was trying so hard.
Guo Qilin said: "I am Guo Degang's son, and I don't want to embarrass my father. ”
Such a growth experience is inevitably heart-wrenching.
In particular, her biological mother left Japan after divorce and later settled in the United States.
Father Guo Degang remarried, even if the stepmother treated him well.
But Guo Qilin was still cautious in such a life.
This can also understand why Guo Qilin would say that he is not just enjoying loneliness.
In fact, part of the reason is that he does not know how to deal with intimate relationships.
From Guo Qilin's feeling that no one has looked at this, it can also be seen that he still lacks self-confidence in his heart.
Many times people do not want to fall in love, but are afraid of falling in love.
Fear of doing yourself a lot of harm in an intimate relationship.
We are not enjoying solitude, but weighing the pros and cons to the lesser.
Thinking that intimacy is not something you urgently need at the moment, nor is it something you can control immediately, so you want to enjoy a lonely journey first.
It's also a beautiful reason why people find themselves single.
Human nature still yearns for the beautiful, after all, love has continued for thousands of years since the birth of human beings.
01
The reason most people stay single
1. Parental patterns
In the original family, if the relationship between the parents is not good, it will also directly affect the intimate relationship of the next generation of children.
Why parents are children's role models, parents only need to do their own good, is to give children the best education.
Even if Guo Qilin is now a star, he still has a lack of confidence in his bones.
In order to prove himself and make his father pay more attention to himself, he dropped out of school at the age of 13 to learn cross-talk and accept the strict management of his father Guo Degang's education method.
Unhappy family relationships will invisibly make children form a flattering personality.
This is not only reflected in the body of the unicorn, most of the stars have this phenomenon.
When you are young, the quarrels of your parents will bring these bad emotions to your children.
When children face their parents' bad emotions, they will wonder if they have done something wrong.
Parents divorce, and many children instinctively impose their parents' mistakes on themselves.
Especially after the parents divorced, they were put up next to their grandparents.
This will make the child feel more deeply that he has been abandoned by his parents.
Such a child, in adulthood, enters into an intimate relationship.
Not only will they have low self-esteem, but they will also not know how to deal with intimate relationships, how to care about people, and they will not know how to communicate.
Just like two of the reasons why Qilin himself talked about being single.
Everyone has a chance to redeem themselves once as an adult, and if they want to, they can have a new life.
Let go of past right and wrong, and don't impose the idea of your parents' divorce on yourself.
Let go of this guilty mentality, parents are parents, they are themselves, learn to divide, and get rid of the victimization mode of the original family.
At the same time, constantly learning to communicate and get along with intimate relationships, and constantly overcoming fears in practice, life will start again and be happy.
2. To overcome the psychology of inferiority, you need to increase your sense of worthiness
Most single people, when faced with someone they like.
Even if the other party's conditions are a little worse than their own, they will feel that they are somewhat unworthy of the other party, and instinctively fear that the other party will abandon themselves.
Fear of the other party abandoning themselves will produce a kind of anxiety.
This anxiety will make up all kinds of bad pictures in your brain. In order not to appear in these pictures, people will form a flattering behavior.
This kind of behavior is also the psychology of flattery.
Most people with this kind of psychology have some inferiority complex deep inside.
Even after getting along successfully, such people will not know how to care for each other and take care of each other's feelings.
Men will show kindness before they get it, and after they get it, they will feel tasteless.
They reduce their own efforts, but also make women very confused, feel that men change their hearts.
It is not that men change their minds, but that men will enter a state of self-relaxation.
Women will have an indifferent attitude before they get it, and they will be on top.
Once they enter into an intimate relationship, their sense of need will continue to increase.
The other person's attitude changes, and it will produce a flattering behavior or flattering psychology as mentioned above.
Most men and women do this, because they have a deep sense of inferiority.
This feeling of inferiority sometimes stems from the parents' mode of getting along, or the mode of education.
The only thing we can do is to learn to increase our sense of worthiness, which is one of the most effective ways to overcome inferiority.
02
How to increase the sense of worthiness of the self?
1. Positive cues
Constantly give yourself the most positive hints from the subconscious of the self.
Imply that you are the best, that you deserve to be happy, and that the more you hint, the better the effect.
2. Pay attention to self-improvement.
It is not only the creation and investment of the external image, but also the inner richness.
We need to learn to constantly improve our own insights and insights, so that we can become a person who practices both inside and outside.
This will not only gain self-recognition, but also increase the recognition of others.
I believe that a person who insists on doing both of these things can become a truly confident person.
Confident people can really make love do: start with appearance, loyal to character.
It can also make love persistent and avoid being rarely frustrated in feelings.
Everyone has the right person in their life, the key is that they have to be the right person in other people's hearts, otherwise why choose us?
Feelings are a college question.
Whether a person chooses to be single, in love, or married.
As long as you are willing to open the door to the emotional world, continue to learn and grow, one day you will thank yourself for your efforts and growth.
Rejoice that you have grown into the person of the other person's ideal.
If you meet sooner or later, the spark of love will shine the brightest light.
What do you think about this reason for not being in love?
We look forward to your message
The author of Luo Mingyan Emotional Counselor, who has been focusing on the emotional field for six years, is good at love redemption and repair, as well as the healing of the original family, helping the client to get rid of the victimization mode brought by the original family, grow and get along better in the relationship between the sexes, save himself, save his lover, and become a person with the ability to be happy