As a mother of two children, Dabao is four years old, Xiaobao is one year old, half a year ago I was immersed in the happiness and joy brought by a pair of children, but I did not realize how to better accompany my children, how to make children grow up physically and mentally healthy and happy.
First, the challenges and anxieties of parenting
I didn't pay too much attention to my children's family education, and I took it for granted that children who have been staying with their parents will be unrelated to some deviant behaviors.
Until one day, I found that Dabao's temper was getting worse and worse, playing alone, and suddenly screaming, throwing things, playing tricks, very impatient, and crying when encountering a little difficulty. Every time we see children crying and playing tricks, we always can't control our anger and impatience, can't help but criticize, count down, and even move rough when we are severe.
However, children do not become obedient under our strict upbringing, but become more and more emotional and impatient.
Suddenly, one day, the crying child kept shouting in his mouth: "I don't love mom and dad anymore, I don't care about you." Then a man ran into the room and closed the door. At that moment I was shocked, this is a three-year-old child, a little age to say such a thing, to make such a move, until the child is in his teens, the rebellious period, how do we get along with the child?
Although the child is just born, he hopes that the child will grow up to be able to keep the same heart with them, get along like friends, and share happily together.
At this time, however, there is a deep anxiety about parenting.
Second, learn the turning point of positive discipline
It wasn't until I walked into the positive discipline classroom that I was full of confidence and expectation in the upbringing of my children.
Positive discipline based on Adler's individual psychology, advocating a kind and firm parenting style, love and encouragement are the powerful motivators that motivate children.
In positive discipline, there are dozens of parenting tools that can cope with a child's various challenges.
In May, through the study of the basic class curriculum of positive discipline, and insisting on practicing the positive discipline education tool, the positive discipline encouraging language and heuristic questions are used in the daily relationship with children, and the encouragement tree stickers are written for children every day.
After more than two months of practice, I was pleasantly surprised to find changes in my child:
In the past, I used to get up and wash myself, and I was seriously angry, but now I get up in the morning and take the initiative to brush my teeth and wash my face. In the past, every time I got up, I had to toss and turn, drag and rub, brush my teeth to pull my mother to stand next to me.
When you encounter challenges in playing with things, you will no longer suddenly get angry and cry and shout like in the past, but learn to find adults to help.
More importantly, children also slowly learn to express themselves. One day playing with the child on the balcony, the child expressed it in his own language for the first time:
Baby: Mom, sometimes I feel like my mom loves me, sometimes I feel like my mom doesn't love me.
Mom: When did baby think mom didn't love you?
Baby: When Mom gets angry, I don't think Mom loves me.
Mom: Really? What do you want your mom to do when she's angry?
Baby: Mom, you got angry and went to the study to calm down in outer space, you weren't angry, right?
Mom: Yes.
Baby: I got angry and went to calm down in outer space.
……………
Baby: Mom, how happy am I?
Mom: Can you share your happiness with your mom?
Baby: Okay, Mom just got angry, I'm so happy.
Mom: Huh? Why is mom angry with you and happy?
Baby: Because my mother is angry and loves me.
At that moment, really stand in the child's point of view, to feel the child, how innocent and lovely they are. They don't really want much, they just want to be noticed and loved. Love and encouragement can make a child feel loved and is useful.
Third, love and encouragement allow children to gain a sense of belonging and value
In the face of children's challenges or mistakes, adults usually stop children with harsh criticism or punishment, and even hope to make children remember sex for a long time.
When we condescend to accuse the child, all the child wants to say is: I am just a child, I just need a sense of belonging and value.
Children do not feel the sincere love, encouragement and trust of their parents, they will lose their sense of belonging and value, and seek attention through some of the biased behaviors that adults think they have.
Many times, adults think that the child's wrong behavior, in the child's cognition, they do not feel that this thing is wrong. As a result, after adulthood, parents are waiting for their children's gratitude, while children are waiting for parents' apologies.
A misbehaving child is a child who has lost faith, and this loss of confidence comes from his or her disappointed belief and lack of belonging and self-worth.
Children will do well when they feel good, positive management of education children, kind and firm attitude, based on respect and cooperation, so that children feel love and encouragement. When the child feels the sincerity and trust of the adult, the child will also use his sincerity to give back to us.
Nowadays, every day, the child returns from kindergarten from school, and before she enters the door, she hears her shouting: Mom, I am back, I miss you so much, I love you.
The phrase "Mom, I love you" has also become the most confession of children every day.
Seeing the progress and changes of children day by day, I am very touched and relieved, and I also deeply realize that the tools of positive management education are effective, and love and encouragement are the mysteries that reveal everything.
Because of positive discipline, I am also full of confidence and expectation in my child's education, and I also believe that I can always be with my child and accompany my child to grow up happily.
I look forward to more parents joining the learning of positive discipline and allowing children to grow up healthy in a kind and determined family. #情感写作小能手 #