I tore my soul apart like a rag
Someone else brought it to wipe the table
Xiao Xiao's mental state was very bad when he said this
Smile shattered body emaciated
And all this pain originated from that cold winter
That year, Xiao Xiao was only 19 years old, introverted and did not like to talk
Always sitting in the corner reading silently
And Juan is very handsome and good to learn and belongs to the public lover
One day Xiao Xiao saw a note written by Juan in the pencil case
"I just want to get close to you and be friends with you, why would you reject me?"
Yeah, just make a friend why not
Xiao Xiao and Juan became friends soon after
Xiao Xiao found that the girls in the class hated her very much
Try your best to tease her
The teacher also talked to her
You are a very nice girl
Don't let falling in love affect your grades
At that time, Xiao Xiao did not fall in love with Juan
But she hasn't spoken to Juan since
Juan didn't give up always appearing around Xiao Xiao
It was also on a bitterly cold and snowy day
I waited at the door of Xiao Xiao's house all night
For Xiao Xiao to be able to take care of him
At that moment Xiao Xiao suddenly felt
There will never be a man who treats her so well in the future
She followed Juan home as a guest
Juan's parents divorced early
He lived with his father
The house where the father and son lived was very messy and dirty
The meal is also the last meal without the next meal
Xiao Xiao felt very sad and she wanted to make up for Juan's missing maternal love
Therefore, Xiao Xiao didn't have to do anything at home before
Now when he arrives at Juan's house, he plays a housewife
Tidy up the house, wash and cook
He even sewed his first quilt in his life
The quilt was tough to make
But as long as you can bring warmth to Juan, everything is worth it
She is investing more and more in this relationship
Grades began to decline
From first to fifth, and then to tenth
The mother was very dissatisfied with this and persuaded
You helped him so much that he got into college
If you don't get in, will your results be good?
Others are unreliable, and you'll regret it when the time comes
Her mother's words scared Xiao Xiao, but she couldn't stop her from going to see Juan
Until 1 month before the college entrance examination
Xiao Xiao was also in charge of Juan's three meals a day
At the end of the college entrance examination, Juan was admitted to the Department of Architecture of Tsinghua University with the first place in the whole school
Xiao Xiao did not obey the assignment because the volunteer of the newspaper was too high
Fell into a very awkward situation
But she didn't regret it because she had Juan's love
It's just that she has a terrible intuition in her heart
She and Juan are not going to be a family
There was something very deadly between them
Xiao Xiao didn't know what it was
Juan looked at her and said
A good girl like you will be deceived in the future
Xiao Xiao smiled and said how could it be? Unless you lie to me
Juan immediately asked if I lied to you, would you hate me?
He asked very seriously, and Xiao Xiao was a little scared
She replied that I would hate you, and maybe I would kill you
Because I paid so much for you
Juan continued in silence for a long time
In fact, you don't know what it means for a woman to give more
I'm not going to make you pay too much
Because after you give too much, you can't live
Xiao Xiao didn't understand what his words meant
I just think he's mature
Later, Xiao Xiao did not go to college
I was admitted to the hotel where I am currently working, with the first place in foreign language
Her job is hard and the salary is not high
But she never complained to Juan
He also spent most of the money he earned on Juan
Buy him books, buy clothes, buy nutrition
Afraid he is not nutritionally enough
Afraid that he would be looked down upon on a college campus
Juan was also very good to Xiao Xiao
That winter vacation, they also worked together to earn money and lived happily
When they make money, they dress up as adults and go to high-end restaurants
It was Xiao Xiao's first drink
She told Juan somewhat drunkenly and vaguely
I will never forget you for the rest of my life
Whether you marry me or not
Juan immediately replied that I had married you
Then the face suddenly changed into a dead silence
Xiao Xiao felt that the silence was terrible
It's like tearing their love apart
Little by little, the distance between them is separated
Juan would frantically hug her and kiss her after each silence
Since Juan's father was often away from home
There are many opportunities between them
But Juan never made any further demands on Xiao Xiao
Whenever they are in love with each other, it is difficult to restrain themselves
Juan shut himself in the house and smoked
Even scalded yourself with cigarette butts
Xiao Xiao didn't understand why
Juan replied that nothing was over every time
I'll tell you later that you're still too young
Xiao Xiao returned home and panicked for no reason
Emotions also inexplicably dropped to the bottom
Tossing and turning insomnia all night
The next morning she stayed up until 5 o'clock and couldn't sit still and went to look for Juan
I didn't forget to bring two eggs and a bottle of oil when I left
Because there was never breakfast at the Juan home
The keys to Juan's house were always on the skylight
Xiao Xiao took it down and opened the door to enter
I saw a pair of women's shoes in front of me
Xiao Xiao wondered how there could be a woman's shoes at home
But immediately she began to criticize herself for how she could think of others like that.
She went to the kitchen to fire and cook and then told Juan to get up
Then I heard a woman's voice in the bedroom
Xiao Xiao kicked the door open
Juan was seen in bed with a woman
They're not dressed yet
Xiao Xiao felt a stick hit her on the top of her head at once
She had only one thought left to escape
At that moment she was enveloped in a great sadness
It's like all youth, all love
All the efforts are gone
She was so in love with Juan
Suppose Juan needs human flesh
She would cut off her own flesh and cook it for him to eat
But she got something
She was particularly disgusted at the thought of kissing Juan
She kept spitting until she choked out a sip of water
In the evening Juan came to her new home to explain
I hated all the women from the day my mom left
Later I was taken to bed by a woman 12 years older than me
Since then, it has become more and more unmanageable
But there are no feelings, only needs
All you see is one of them
The first acquaintance with you was a bet between classmates
See who can get your prickly, cold rose
But the more I touch you, the more I find that you are so pure, kind, sensitive
Every time I see you smile at me
I also want to smile as purely as you do
But I couldn't
I hug you so eagerly, kiss you, and want to get you
But I have to restrain myself and I have to respect you
I want to protect you and be responsible for you
It's something I've never had in a relationship before
You can not forgive me, but I really want you to understand me
I've never spoken from the heart to anyone else
You're an exception and I really love you
Xiao Xiao felt that these words were extremely false
She would never understand Juan and would never forgive him
She told Juan to go and never see you again in this life
Xiao Xiao has been hiding from Juan ever since
Juan after seeing Xiao Xiao's sadness and determination
The decision not to bother her anymore had since disappeared into her world
Before I knew it, years had passed
In the past few years, Xiao Xiao has not been in love
She didn't dare to love anymore
One day Juan suddenly found her
Juan said I'm now a mature man
I still love you
Give me a chance to marry you and protect you
Girls like you in this world
One day you will be deceived into having nothing
Xiao Xiao only felt that what he said was very grandiose and hated him very much
A person who waits for you all night in the snow can easily sleep with another woman
So will there still be true love in this world?
Does this person come back to you again, is his feelings real?
Xiao Xiao didn't believe it
Juan kept telling her
I really, especially want to marry you
You just have to forgive me and let me do whatever I want
Xiao Xiao replied that he wanted me to marry you
Unless you get down on your knees here and beg me
Xiao Xiao thought he wouldn't kneel
But Juan almost didn't think about it and fell to his knees
Xiao Xiao fled in fright
Juan said behind his back
I swear I'll be married within three months
Xiao Xiao did not expect that he would really get married within three months
On the wedding day, Xiao Xiao also went
The bride is very beautiful The guests who come are all dressed in gorgeous clothes
Only Xiao Xiao sat in the corner shivering
Drinking red wine vigorously
Later she came home and burned the diary she had written over the years
Then the phone rang and it was Juan
He said that everything he did was to make Xiao Xiao forget him completely
He didn't love his wife
But they soon had children
But Juan still felt that he could not face Xiao Xiao and he went abroad
A few more years later he returned from abroad
A classmate asked Xiao Xiao to accompany him to the airport to pick up someone
That man was Juan
The main purpose of Juan's return was to get a divorce
Later his daughter followed him
Juan's reasoning
If the daughter and the mother will have a stepfather, the stepfather will insult her
If the daughter and herself may have a stepmother, she will be abused
But at least chastity can be maintained
After this calm conversation they also realized that they could never be
They used to be separated by women, and now they are separated by children
After that, Xiao Xiao never heard from Juan again
She's grown up to be 29 years old
He and Juan have also been separated for 8 years
She felt she had forgotten about him and now it was time to have a home
Xiao Xiao's mate selection criteria are very arbitrary
If you can see it, you can go to the end of the world with him "with a bamboo pole."
If you don't look at the billionaire, don't marry
A friend introduced her to a man named Hu Jin
Xiao Xiao had a good feeling for Hu Jin
Because he and Juan are both surnamed Hu and his height is also similar
The mother told Xiao Xiao after she knew
You don't want your dad to waste this cabinet book
If he wasn't a very learned and cultured man
He won't understand you and this home
You don't say it for so many years
We also know you're already in pain
Don't be irresponsible to yourself
Xiao Xiao felt that he was measured
She wanted to get along with Hu Jin and try it
Later they went out on a date for the first time
Hu Jin said he used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day
Later, I decided not to smoke and really did not smoke again
This sentence is very important to Xiao Xiao
Let her think that Hu Jin is a very restrained person, she admires
They went boating again
Hu Jin sat down next to Xiao Xiao and kissed her naturally
The frequency and feeling of his kissing Xiao Xiao was strikingly similar to that of the man of the year
At that moment, Xiao Xiao felt that she had found herself again
After so many years of wandering, I have found a reliance
But she had an intuition again
Hu Jin is just a veteran of the love scene and does not really like her
She confirmed with Hu Jin over and over again whether she loved her
Hu Jin's answer was yes
Every time he heard this kind of answer, Xiao Xiao would blame himself
She shouldn't think of people so badly
If a man doesn't really like a woman
Why would you kiss her?
And Hu Jin is 35 years old and he should know how to control himself
Xiao Xiao returned home and spent the night thinking about his relationship with Hu Jin
But the next day she found that Hu Jin "evaporated in the human world."
Hit a dozen pagers and don't return
Xiao Xiao couldn't help but think wildly about what accident Had happened to Hu Jin
She was so worried that he missed him
Xiao Xiao felt that he was in love with Hu Jin
Later, Hu Jin returned the call
He said he had not received the pager at home
Xiao Xiao was willing to believe his explanation
The two began dating Hu Jin to make further demands
Maybe it's been suppressed for too long
Maybe he was too much like Juan
Although Xiao Xiao scolded himself in his heart, he still accepted it
But after further, Hu Jin disappeared
Xiao Xiao looked for him for 3 months
Worry about it every day
She thought that if Hu Jin was accidentally disabled, she would accompany him for the rest of his life
If he died, she would find a good cemetery for him and send him flowers every year
In short, she decided that he would not abandon him
Xiao Xiao's state was a bit crazy
Friends comforted her not to believe too much in the relationship
Xiao Xiao did not listen to her and thought that Hu Jin would come back and marry her
Because she doesn't believe a man would kiss a woman if he didn't love her
And it was a first acquaintance
Finally, the introducer really can't see it
Let Hu Jin give Xiao Xiao a call back
Hu Jin said that we were not suitable and had no feelings
At that moment, Xiao Xiao felt that he was terrible
She tore her soul to pieces
It's like a rag someone else takes to wipe the table
She also voluntarily wiped the table clean
But the man who wiped the table threw her into the paper basket
It hurt to move either of the two knives in her heart now
Xiao Xiao didn't know how to continue her life
She was admitted to the hospital because of depression
Whenever I recall my emotional experience, tears always flow outward
I don't know how many more years it will take to forget all this
"Longing for a Feeling of True Love" is directed by Li Shaohong
A drama film starring Chen Kun and Xu Yun
Adapted from Absolute Privacy: Oral Accounts of Contemporary Chinese Emotions
All the stories are true!
In fact, xiao xiao depressed ending
It has a lot to do with the educational environment she is exposed to
She was well protected by her family
From an early age, it has been a flower in a greenhouse
Coupled with her personality, she didn't have much contact with boys at all
In the film, Juan kissed Xiao Xiao for the first time
Xiao Xiao subconsciously slapped him
Because Xiao Xiao was particularly simple when he was young
Think that people kissing will make you pregnant
She didn't dare sit on the stool the boy had sat on
When I grew up, I had some understanding of both sexes, but I also seemed to understand it
And she simply doesn't have the ability to handle a relationship
She didn't know what to do after a failed relationship
For her she longed too much for a true love
Love is everything
In love, she will always excuse the other party
Tell yourself not to think too badly of people
As long as you think of people dirty, you will blame yourself
I feel that only my own dirtiness will think of others like that
The side she's been exposed to since she was a child
Or what her family let her see is simple and beautiful
But forgetting to teach her that people are multifaceted
So when seeing the dirty side of others
The reaction will be so broken
I'm going to be devastated from now on, and I can't believe anybody
Of course, Juan's relationship with her also had a great impact on her
If it is a normal relationship with Juan
Perhaps her understanding of gender relations will gradually grow
But this love is deformed
This led to her later becoming more and more sensitive and extreme
When she is in love with Hu Jin, she will constantly ask the other party if they love her
Will emphasize their fear of getting hurt
Will keep calling for security
But in fact, did she really love Hu Jin?
She and Hu Jin met a total of 3 times and went on 2 separate dates
Is it really that much love?
It took her 8 years to get out of the love injury, how it was love at first sight
Speaking of which, I have to say a movie I watched before
One of the lines in "He Actually Doesn't Like You That Much"
Don't believe the spark thing
Men invented the spark
That way they can not call
Being cold to you makes you elusive
Then make you believe that these anxieties and fears arise naturally
This is called a spark."
Hu Jin was like this to Xiao Xiao
When they were together, they sometimes liked her and sometimes they were cold
Sometimes it's warm on the phone, sometimes it's not possible
This will make Xiao Xiao wonder why?
Why doesn't this man call back? Is something wrong?
Over time Xiao Xiao felt it
Why am I always worried about this man
Why do I always think of him
Am I in love with him?
I must have fallen in love with him
But in fact any one person
Always on you near and far cold and hot make you uncertain
You will also be attracted to his attention
But is this really love? not necessarily
In my opinion, it is not so much that Xiao Xiao loves Hu Jin
It's better to say that she fell in love with the man she fantasized about
And the feeling I imagined
In fact, the saddest thing about Xiao Xiao is not the failure of feelings
It was that she had been waiting for true love all her life
Never been proud of being single
Love is a beautiful thing
But before love comes
Shouldn't we allow ourselves to live a wonderful life?
Go enjoy being single and enjoy independence
I've always felt that being single is an empty suitcase
We know what we want
We will put it into the box little by little from what it needs
Go on a better journey
At that time we could choose to travel alone
It is also possible to ask someone to join them
This person can add color to the journey
But that's not why the trip started, and it's not all about the trip
Indian films are too daring to make, desperately "blackening" their own country, but exposing countless social problems