"My Spiritual Path 4" talks about a lot of "scenery" floating in the sky, and you may ask: When will it come down, and what makes me decide to come down? In fact, this is not "I" in the decision, but like you go from Shenzhen to Beijing, you say "when will I get off the plane", of course, when you get to the Beijing airport, everything is natural, naturally, all you can do is always live in the moment, when you put down the hand of "confrontation" and "control", you will see the whereabouts of the plane.
01
Not acceptance, but change
When the body gradually recovers, the inner chaos subsides little by little, my life becomes calm, I don't have any questions about myself to ask, but I often have a feeling, there is a kind of power within me but can't come out, there is a feeling of wanting to move but not knowing where to move. Am I doing what I love every day? It seems that now no one interferes with me, no one accuses me, and there is no fierceness of the civil war. Isn't that great? Why did I feel something was wrong. At first I thought it was another lesson, teaching me to accept the most ordinary life, but after a while, I found that what I did not accept was not ordinary life, but the power that I wanted to rush out, and I suppressed it with the concept of "accepting ordinary life".
As it kept appearing, I began to look at what it was, what was it telling me, and I subconsciously saw a pool of extremely calm water, and that force was the creative energy that could make the lake move again. In this process, there is a crucial person who has done a "fueling" thing, selling it first and staying at the end.
Non-"moving" non-"moving"
If you don't move as a method, you are just practicing concentration, and you can still be awake and aware of concentration in chaotic emotions, feelings, thoughts, and states. This does not mean that we have lost the ability to experience them; on the contrary, only by daring to experience them in this vortex of layers will we discover their unreality. The manifestation of divinity is more "alive" after a deep understanding and experience of all aspects of human nature, which is an aware, clear, warm and vibrant feeling, rather than a constant withdrawal, indifference, and lifeless silence. In the normal state of life, even the experience of pain is "cool", and in a lifeless state, even if everything seems to be fine, there is always a faint sadness and dryness in the heart that cannot be erased.
If you don't move and live without stopping, there is no conflict. When one has tried to allow surrender to let go, and there is no conflict that is obviously to be dealt with, what is needed is a creative force to move forward, not acceptance, but change.
What exactly is this creative energy? It is the soul's desire to live out its own life, the process of creating after remembering who it is. At this time, what is in front of me is no longer to live and live this life according to whose standards, but to face this blank canvas, how I will draw the blueprint of the soul, recreate my identity and life, how to manifest those creative whimsy, those ambitious excitements, those bloody and sonorous under the real wish in this world little by little, and then use these manifestation processes and results to awaken more souls who want to go home, here and now, is heaven.
02
The connection of "passion"
I deeply feel that I want to use this power to ignite the spark of life. And about the passion, about the spark, the first thing I thought of was the girl named Mengjie. So on July 26, 2021, I completed my Passion Test 2.0 checklist. That night I excitedly shared this list with my husband, and I couldn't help but cry as I spoke, and I felt that behind that emotion was a passion and ecstasy, a fiery love for the world.
First of all, let's talk about this "enthusiasm test", the first test was in 2019, when I was the envy of others: a bright academic background, the status of foreign executives, a free and rich material life, a husband who loves me, and two cute dogs. But day after day, life makes me feel more and more lifeless, and I feel more and more like a mother, a teacher and a society, but do I really like it? Is this really what I want? It was then that Mengjie appeared in my life. Looking at her circle of friends, I like this enthusiastic girl, the "emotional diary" she shared, the record of the enthusiasm test for the case, let me involuntarily want to get close to her, although at that time I may not realize the pull of this intuition, because after years of mental training, I am a very rational person, but life is very wonderful, in the dark you will go the way to go.
After "investigating" for a while, I decided to try her, not considering what amazing "information" I could get through her, but feeling in my heart that maybe she would understand my feelings: a feeling that others think it is good but I am very confused, a feeling of "temperament" in the eyes of others. In this test, I got my first list with the psychology of "doubt" and "play", interestingly, none of the five passions were related to work and the "success, status, and money" that I once thought to pursue, the first passion was actually "forming my own spiritual system", and the others were either staying with themselves or going to nature, which was like a monk. Is it possible? Maybe, but I really didn't take it seriously, just tested that I was interested in these things, so what, can I really put down all this now and pursue these few lines of text on paper?
It didn't take long for this list to be forgotten by me, and then I continued my "anxiety", my "unhappiness", to constantly open up the second curve of my career. The emotions are accumulating more and more, the pain and suffering in my heart are increasing, but I don't know what's wrong, maybe I have more money and more projects to achieve a larger scale, right? The more I walked in this "opposite direction", the more obstacles in life, until I woke up in the morning and broke down crying, and my husband said I didn't want to live like this, I didn't even know why I was alive and what the meaning of life was. After reading the book, I knew that my symptom reaction at that time was that mania and depression were alternately going on, and for a while I couldn't face anything at work, didn't want to see anyone, and finally, fell ill, and I could finally do the thing on the list of passions: quietly with myself.
One day in that time, I suddenly remembered that I had done a passion test, there was a list, I asked Mengjie if she remembered, she was very professional to call up my "file" at that time, when I saw it again I was stunned, and at that moment, I could no longer control my desire to live according to enthusiasm and heart, since the body has been like this, to do these things will not be worse, so I finally "calibrated" the GPS, start again.
03
The creation of the self
In the course of a year, I studied various spirituality courses, human figures, Akashi, hypnosis, Reiki healing, nlp, family row, Buddhist practice, enlightenment of the truth, watched n spiritual books and movies, my body has undergone many changes, and I have changed from a person who lives only rationally by the mind to a person who has sensitive feelings and intuition today. The pain, the chaos, the collapse, the confusion of not being able to enter the world, the darkness of the soul, the fierceness of self-destruction and civil war, the meaningless loneliness, really only those who have experienced it understand. I wrote about this process in detail in My Spiritual Path 3: Understanding the Truth. At that time, I didn't even realize what had brought me back to life in each of my most desperate times, perhaps the faint but never extinguished passion and spark of my soul.
Unlike the first test, this test, I was soberly using this tool, hoping to see the specific direction that my heart wanted to create, make a plan to execute, and the rich feelings in the process were almost heaven and earth compared with the first time, and I knew that I was really out of state when I was tested. Regarding this tool, when talking to Mengjie this time, she also said her own feelings: "The enthusiasm test is really not to tell a confused person what your enthusiasm is, but when you know the direction, it can make the direction clearer, let you see the true desire in your heart rather than the choice given to you by the mind." Indeed, on the path of self-exploration, if you really want to live yourself, don't expect any tool to give you a clear answer, no one can tell you what you like, what your passion is, when you don't know the answer yet, please go back to the inside again and again, to try, to be with your feelings, to find the experience that makes you feel excited.
When Mengjie and I combed through the list of enthusiasms that I had written in advance, she kept reminding me, "Will you have a very wow feeling when writing like this", indeed a lot of words I just write down the "facts", I am clear about the things I want to create, but I did not consider how to write can be excited, and this "heartbeat" is really the energy and spark that the list of enthusiasm can bring to a person. Under her guidance, my subconscious gave a very specific picture, I felt in the picture, the body from the top of the head to the tail of the spine of the current, in many pictures I can not help but cry, feel their freedom, feel the most authentic beauty and romance of life. With this excitement and surging of excitement, the original ordinary list suddenly became the words that the soul most wanted to see, this enthusiasm test, not only to write a few lines, not to use the mind to judge which choice is more worthy of us, nor with fear to choose the one you dare not lose, but to focus on "who are you", "what are you going to create", "what are you doing in that state". The re-sorted list, the importance of the order is also different from my original list, experience proves that your mind thinks which is more important and better, and your soul is more eager to choose which, is most likely a completely different choice, the "good or bad" of the mind is the mind for the past experience and standard copying, and the real feeling is the direction you want to create the most at the moment.
I deeply felt that in fact, what I wanted was already there, and the universe had presented it very clearly to me, when there was no desire or fear, just immersed in the beautiful world outlined by my own wishes, in addition to creating it, where else could I have any other ideas? The only way to express one's wishes is pure action and creation.
The 2.0 version of the list of passions began the most important journey in the second half of my life, which was a journey to achieve myself, and also let me clearly see my own wishes and missions, and I couldn't wait to write down the implementation plan. This time, I knew who I was, and I knew why I had come to this world.
If I say you're touched and like it's good, you see what you're identifying with; if you don't like it and are upset then it's good, you see what you're rejecting.
You don't need to see me, I'm just a mirror, please see you, and your own.
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The present moment awakens the inner awareness