May 9 is Mother's Day. In this special festival, the Shanxi Evening News reporter visited the mothers of 4 different types of families, including the mothers of autistic children, the mothers of children with cerebral palsy, the mothers of orphaned mothers and single mothers. Some of them are not afraid of the eyes of others and challenge themselves at any time; some people are both fathers and mothers, sighing that "if you can do it again, you must lower your posture and grow up with your daughter."
In the face of the bittersweet and bittersweet in life, they are strong, optimistic, brave and accepting. Let's take a look at the extraordinary lives of these mothers, and also pay tribute to the great mothers of the world on Mother's Day.
Mothers of autistic children: Born to be human, I hope that my children can live with dignity
On the afternoon of May 7, a reporter from Shanxi Evening News met Duan Huixing at the Shanxi Fenghui Mental Disorder Care Center located in a community in Changfeng Street, a provincial city. Her eldest son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 years old and is 21 this year.
Son diagnosed with autism Life began to change
Shanxi Fenghui Mental Disorder Care Center was registered by Duan Huixing in the second half of 2019 in order to provide a platform for older autistic patients to learn and communicate. Now there are seven or eight children who come here every day to study, including Duan Huixing's eldest son, Xiao Kai, a young man who is already 1 meter 8 tall.
Speaking of her son's illness, Duan Huixing can now face it calmly: "Some people may feel that this cannot be said, but for me, this is the truth and needs to be faced." Also, I would like more people to pay attention to the group of older autism, so there is nothing to hide. ”
Before discovering that Xiao Kai was suffering from autism, Duan Huixing had a good job, in her words, "as long as you work hard, you may face a promotion and a salary increase." "But everything changed when Xiao Kai was 3 years old.
When Xiao Kai was one and a half years old, because of work reasons, Duan Huixing handed him over to his parents to take. "At that time, the child was still very good, he would call his father and mother, and he could communicate with you briefly, but there were fewer words." Duan Huixing said. But slowly, when Xiao Kai was more than two years old, this kind of "less talk" attracted the attention of Duan Huixing's parents, at this time, Xiao Kai, not only talked less, but also did not want to play with other children, often playing quietly by himself. "But at that time, it didn't attract our attention, only to say that the child's personality may be like this, and besides, no one will think that their child has a problem."
However, just when Xiao Kai was about to turn 3 years old, when Duan Huixing and his lover called home, they found that Xiao Kai began not to speak. "He developed the regressiveness typical of people with autism." Duan Huixing said, "Even the things that will be there will slowly disappear." "After taking the child to the hospital, the doctor gave the diagnosis: suspected autism, which is now often called autism.
At the beginning, Duan Huixing did not think that Xiao Kai was diagnosed with suspected autism, "on the one hand, the relevant knowledge was little understood at that time, on the other hand, it was simply because of handing over the child to the elderly to bring, bringing less himself, as long as he can take the child well, even if he gives up his job." Duan Huixing said. So, while she concentrated on her children, she looked for information about "autism".
"Don't give up" is her insistence and has also made her almost "crazy demon"
"I still remember that day I was looking for information in the Internet café, and I got a call from home and asked me to go back." Duan Huixing said. After returning home, the family told her some of the information they had collected, and it was also at that time that Duan Huixing learned, "Autism is an incurable disease." "At that time, she could hear the despair of her child's future in the tone of her family, but she did not give up." Maybe it's because I'm stronger by nature! Duan Huixing said that she feels that the same thing, other people's children may not have to teach, or teach once, she teaches 10, 20, or even 100 times, can always teach children. She took a long vacation to the unit, took Xiao Kai to start doing rehabilitation training, some in the provincial city to do, the provincial city did not go to Beijing to do, do not have the conditions, she and other parents of autistic children united, the relevant experts invited to the provincial city to give lectures, is to learn professional knowledge to teach children.
During that time, Duan Huixing himself felt that it was difficult. On the one hand, in 2002, there was relatively little information about autism that could be collected; on the other hand, I did not know how to take care of Xiao Kai. During that time, no matter where Duan Huixing went, he had 4 cards in his pocket, all of which Xiao Kai liked to eat: apples, biscuits, milk and cakes. As long as there is time, even when the mother and son stop to rest while walking on the road, Duan Huixing will take out the card and teach Xiao Kai to read the words on the card. "I remember very clearly that when the child was 5 years old, we had been doing rehabilitation training in Beijing for a while, and he would finally call Mom and Dad." Duan Huixing said: "I called my lover, and when he heard his son call his father, he took a train from Inner Mongolia to Beijing overnight, and he was particularly excited. ”
It may be that this experience made Duan Huixing full of confidence in Xiao Kai's recovery, and in this way, she insisted on teaching Xiao Kai to learn over and over again and more patiently. "Later, the child has a language, can read words, and can read story books, all of which I teach little by little, and he improves little by little." She said. At that time, Duan Huixing sent Xiao Kai to the kindergarten, hoping that Xiao Kai could adapt to the environment, but she soon found that without intervention, Xiao Kai's ability in all aspects began to stagnate. In desperation, Duan Huixing took Xiao Kai to a special autism rehabilitation institution in the provincial city and became a mother who practiced sparring all day. That year, Xiao Kai was 7 years old.
In order to let Xiao Kai receive education like other children, Duan Huixing accompanied Xiao Kai to do various rehabilitation training in the rehabilitation center during the day, and after returning home, the first-grade primary school students had to learn pinyin and oral arithmetic, and she also taught every day. Recalling this time, Duan Huixing said that he may have been "crazy" at that time: "Later, I thought that at that time, it was not that the child needed to go to school, it was I who needed him to go to school, or that I needed my efforts to be affirmed and see the effect." "It is also true that as she wished, Xiao Kai went to the first grade of primary school when she was 8 years old, and she could keep up with the learning progress, but in the second and third grades, the children could not keep up." So now there are young parents of autistic people asking me, I will tell them about my experience and tell them what to do. Duan Huixing said.
The mindset is good now and hopefully the older autistic community will be noticed
After years of training in rehabilitation institutions, Xiao Kai can now master a lot of basic life skills, simple sweeping and mopping the floor..." But I don't think it's enough." Duan Huixing said.
As Xiao Kai grew older, Duan Found that Xiao Kai was no longer suitable to stay in the previous rehabilitation institutions, because the rehabilitation training there was aimed at young or young autistic patients. What really made her determined to set up the Shanxi Fenghui Mental Disorder Care Center was that she saw two news stories on the Internet about the sudden death of parents of elderly autistic patients. "To tell the truth, as human beings, which parent does not want their children to live with dignity, but we parents, do not dare to grow old, do not dare to die, do not dare to imagine what our children will do after we leave." 」 Duan Huixing said. So she decided to unite with some parents of older autistic patients to set up a special institution to provide rehabilitation training for older autistic patients.
Because it is close to Mother's Day, in the art class on the afternoon of the 7th, the portraits of 5 elderly autistic people are their mothers. Looking at those colorful paintings, Duan Huixing guessed which one was painted by Xiao Kai, while saying: "We mainly train their life skills, these art and handicrafts can only be embellishments, but seeing these can really make people feel good." She told reporters that although Xiao Kai did not know what Mother's Day meant, in previous years, Xiao Kai's brother would pull Xiao Kai to prepare a Mother's Day gift for himself, sometimes a painting, sometimes a card, and when she received it, she would feel particularly happy.
Speaking of mother's day wishes, Duan Huixing said: "In recent years, society has paid more and more attention to the group of autism, but I hope that more people will pay attention to these elderly autistic patients, be able to walk into them and accompany them, rather than just looking at them with pity and looking at our families." ”
Shanxi Evening News reporter Zhang Mengying
Lost mother: The days are still going to pass, and I have received the care of many people
Gao Mei (pseudonym), who entered the year of the flower armor, is a lost mother. Five years ago, after her only daughter died of illness, she washed her face with tears all day and did not dare to go out, let alone chat with people, because she could not hear others talk about topics related to children. Due to excessive grief, she was in excruciating pain on special holidays, and she spent most of her time in the hospital.
On the afternoon of May 7, a reporter from the Shanxi Evening News came to Gao Mei's home, her home window was clean, and the items in her home were neatly arranged and spotless. What is impressive is that one wall of the living room leaves traces of photo frames of different sizes, but there is not a single photo in the living room. "In recent years, getting up every morning to clean up my home has become my first priority, and looking at the clean and tidy home, our mood will be better." Gao Mei said that after cleaning up the house every day, one or two items of her daughter will also be thrown out, and over time, the traces of her daughter in the family are getting fainter and fainter, and the mood of their husband and wife is gradually getting better.
With that, Gao Mei opened the room where her daughter lived before she died, and the items in the room were all available, and like the living room, there were no photos in the room.
Gao Mei said that the lover was 4 years older than him, the couple married later, and when the daughter was born, the lover was 40 years old. As a new father and mother, the couple is very fond of their daughter, and every time period of growth, they take photos to record it, as long as the daughter opens her mouth, they try to be satisfied. "Neither of us had a high income, and my daughter had to learn piano after she went to elementary school, and she quarreled for a long time. At that time, we had entered middle age, and there were 4 elderly people to support, which cost a lot. Later, we gritted our teeth and borrowed 20,000 yuan to buy a piano for our daughter for 36,000 yuan. Gao Mei said that it was all the family's savings, and later they saved money, and the loan was repaid for more than two years.
To Gao Mei's relief, her daughter was particularly angry, not only did she have good academic performance, but she also played the piano very well. Looking at her sunny and healthy daughter, she and her lover are also particularly relieved and imagine their future life. They think about their daughter going to college, and the couple is at retirement age, when they can go to the park together, exercise, they plan to adjust their bodies, wait for their daughters to get married and have children, they even plan where to take their grandchildren or granddaughters to play.
The family's happiness was shattered in 2011, and Gao Mei said, a sudden illness that plunged her daughter into a coma for a time and was later diagnosed with leukemia. After 5 years of battling the disease, the daughter left them.
When she recalls these things, Gao Mei sometimes shed tears and sometimes smiles, saying that the pain brought to them by her daughter's departure could not be repaired. Every time it comes to her daughter's death day, birthday, To Mother's Day, Father's Day, Spring Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival, she will be particularly uncomfortable, feel the whole body is painful, lying on the bed motionless, people are getting thinner and thinner, the body is also deteriorating, the first two years, she and her lover spent most of the time in the hospital. "As long as I'm in the hospital, my mother in her 80s will definitely go to the hospital and keep watching over me all night, and I also feel sorry for my mother, who is so old and still has to worry about me." Gao Mei said that gradually she also figured it out, the days will pass, although her daughter is gone, she still has lovers and family, and now the community and many non-profit organizations are also concerned about their group, she can feel this warmth.
Shanxi Evening News reporter Yang Zhoufen
Mothers of children with cerebral palsy: the treatment is long and arduous, but will not give up
Fan Liyun (pseudonym) is 45 years old this year, Lingling (pseudonym) is the only daughter in the family, because of her daughter's cerebral palsy, Fan Liyun's life has changed a lot. One night in the winter of 2014, Lingling, like all newborns, fell to the ground in the anticipation and joy of her family. Fan Liyun endured severe pain on the operating table, hugged Lingling and kissed for the first time, and at that moment, she shed tears of excitement.
Elderly mother + daughter with pregnancy hypertension was born prematurely at 7 months
Fan Liyun is an elderly mother who was 38 years old when she gave birth to Lingling. When pregnant, Fan Liyun anemia, low blood sugar, but also accompanied by high blood pressure, obstetric doctor advised her not to want this child, because such physical conditions are not suitable for pregnancy, the body of pregnant women is very harmful, the child can not get a good support. Since this is Fan Liyun's first child, after consulting with the child's father, she still decided to give birth to the child.
And just like that, the tough ten months began. When she was 50 days pregnant, Fan Liyun had a serious pregnancy reaction and frequent vomiting. At that time, I could only drink some porridge a day, and even a little water. At the age of 4 months of pregnancy, gestational hypertension is detected, starting with a high pressure of 140 mm/Hg and a low pressure of 90 mm/Hg. The doctor advised her to pay attention to rest, and to have regular obstetric examinations, and to seek medical attention in time if she found that she was unwell. At 5 months, blood pressure rises to 150 mm/Hg, and at 7 months, blood pressure rushes to 180 mm/Hg.
With such high blood pressure, the doctor immediately asked her to terminate the pregnancy. In this way, the 7-month-old Lingling was born, and when she was born, she weighed less than four pounds and cried weakly. Ling Ling lived in the incubator and stayed in the incubator for a month. This month is Fan Liyun's most torturous day, due to premature birth, Lingling will not breathe spontaneously, will not swallow spontaneously, and will not even suck. Fan Liyun can only use a small spoon, feed her little by little, 30 ml of milk, need to be fed for an hour, and heat the milk several times in the middle. Every time she was fed, Fan Liyun was already sore and backache. But seeing the child go to sleep contentedly, Fan Liyun still smiled happily.
The child was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and has since embarked on the road to medical treatment
A month later, Lingling's weight grew to 5 pounds, and she finally left the incubator and returned to Fan Liyun's arms. However, little Ling Ling was never able to open her eyes. Fan Liyun thought that it may be that the child's physical development is insufficient, and then wait and see. Just like that, 55 days after the birth of the child, I didn't see her open her eyes, and Fan Liyun was a little anxious.
Is it because the child does not open his eyes that there is a problem with his eyes? When Lingling was 65 days old, she couldn't wait any longer and came to the hospital with her child in her arms. After diagnosis, the doctor of the hospital's rehabilitation department told Fan Liyun that the child suffered from congenital cerebral ischemia and hypoxia, which is commonly known as cerebral palsy. Listening to the doctor's words, she collapsed weakly on the ground and cried bitterly.
This news undoubtedly brought a serious blow to Fan Liyun's family, Fan Liyun's mother could not sleep all night, and she burst into tears at the thought that her children would not be able to take care of themselves in their future lives and that intelligence might be lacking. The child's grandfather persuaded Fan Liyun to give up treating the child, and raising such a child is also a kind of harm to the child himself. Relatives and friends also advised her to give up, believing that giving up was the best choice for her children.
But Fan Liyun believes that the child's disease is self-inflicted, because the doctor said that the cause of the child's cerebral palsy is likely to be that her blood pressure soared in the third trimester, causing the blood vessels to close, resulting in the child's cerebral ischemia and hypoxia. In the face of this small life, Fan Liyun's heart is full of guilt, she did not listen to the advice of her family and friends, and resolutely decided to grow up with her child, even if she was in the hospital all her life.
In this way, Fan Liyun took Lingling and began the road to seek medical treatment. "In the rehabilitation department of the hospital, I have seen a lot of such children, some of them are 5 years old, but they still can't walk, some walk upside down, they can fall at any time, but the mothers of these children are still strong and optimistic. A parent also comforted me that Lingling's condition was discovered as early as possible, the earlier the intervention and treatment, the greater the possibility of recovery, do not give up, the child will be fine. Listening to their words, my heart was also full of strength and hope. Fan Liyun said.
The first time the child called "Mommy" she cried out in delight
The process of treating a child with cerebral palsy is long and arduous. Because the emotions of children with cerebral palsy are easily out of control, therefore, Lingling often suddenly cries, it is difficult to stop crying, often crying until the middle of the night, only by holding her and walking on the ground, the crying will stop, once she is placed on the bed, the crying will immediately ring out again, until she is exhausted from crying.
Because of this, the treatment of cerebral palsy is continuous and long-lasting, and it is necessary to take her to the hospital every day for massage, infusion, and acupuncture. These treatments are almost simultaneous, so Lingling's small head has a long time with a stuck needle, and sometimes Lingling needs to massage while infusing fluids. This will make her mood very irritable, and Fan Liyun needs to hold her to soothe her emotions while cooperating with the doctor's massage. At the end of each treatment, Fan Liyun's clothes would be soaked with sweat. After returning home from the hospital, lingling also needs to be assisted by treatment, and 3 to 4 cerebral palsy fitness exercises are done every day to help the child learn to turn over as soon as possible and reduce the child's muscle tone.
After 3 months of treatment, Xiao Lingling's eyes have a radiance, she has learned to follow up, and she will laugh sweetly when she sees her mother. When she is one year old, Lingling will climb, at one and a half years old, Lingling will call her mother, two and a half years old Lingling can stand, 3-year-old Lingling will step... Watching the child get better day by day, Fan Liyun was full of hope in her heart, she recorded every bit of progress of the child with video, and proved that all her persistence and efforts were worth it. "The first time I heard my daughter call me 'Mom', I cried out with joy, and I immediately saw hope and believed that my daughter had the possibility of recovery. Calling a mother is a simple thing for a healthy child, but the meaning for Lingling is extraordinary, which is the result of everyone's efforts, the result of Lingling's own efforts. I am proud of Lingling, I will always stick to it and will not give up. Fan Liyun said.
Nowadays, Fan Liyun is also the "old patient" in the hospital, because of her daughter, she has become stronger and more optimistic, and she will give comfort and help to every new patient. During the holidays, she also volunteered at the welfare home, washing and cleaning the children in the welfare home.
Now, Lingling is almost 7 years old, although compared to normal children, she is small and not very fluent, but she can walk, break her fingers to do simple arithmetic problems, and greet people who come to see her warmly. Fan Liyun said that in September this year, the child will go to primary school, she has applied for a companionship, she will always accompany the child.
Shanxi Evening News reporter Yao Jia
Single mother: Experienced difficult years and grew up with her daughter
Wang Liuwei is 64 years old, a single mother, a 37-year-old daughter, and two lovely grandchildren. Speaking of the years she spent with her daughter, she feels that she has a lot to say, "Although my relationship with my daughter is very harmonious now, and I am very close to my two grandchildren, if I can do it again, I will definitely lower my posture and grow up with my daughter." 」 ”
On May 7, a reporter from The Shanxi Evening News met Wang Liuwei and listened to her tell the story of herself and her daughter.
A major change in marriage made her both a father and a mother
Wang Liuwei has been engaged in medicine, broadcast hosting and other occupations, and has a certain reputation in the circle. Speaking of her identity as a single mother, she was very frank: "Although it was a little difficult during that time, after that period of time, I grew up. ”
Wang Liuwei and her lover are lovers of Qingmei Bamboo Horse, and they are very affectionate after marriage. In 1992, she was 36 years old, her daughter was only 8 years old, her husband was having an affair, she was a young and beautiful female colleague, and she was the last to know the truth. She was a soldier by birth, and in the face of betrayal, she could not forgive, and wrote a letter of more than a dozen pages to the other party. The other party's reply has only a question mark, plus an exclamation point.
Knowing that there was no way to save the marriage, Wang Liuwei chose to divorce. In front of colleagues and friends, she behaved very strongly and dressed more appropriately than ever, while in front of her girlfriends, she cried a lot. But in the face of her daughter, she never showed her vulnerability, because she did not want her daughter to see.
The major changes in marriage made her both a strict father and a gentle mother. She desperately earns money to support her family, just to let her children live a good life and let the elderly in the family have a superior environment. But over time, in the communication with her daughter, Wang Liuwei said that she would inevitably transfer her anxiety and wandering to her daughter and let her bear more.
Participate in psychotherapy activities with your daughter
During his "healing", Wang Liuwei read many books on psychology, literature and pedagogy.
Once, she received a call from her daughter, the daughter cried very sadly on the phone, and then asked to know that the daughter and the father went to deal with a matter, when they said goodbye, the daughter who went first turned back to find that her father was still standing in the same place, a gust of wind blew, the gray hair fluttered with the wind, the daughter took two steps, to a corner, secretly looking back, the father was still leaning out, looking at her. And this scene in front of her made her feel very uncomfortable. "Because her father was 'absent' for too long in her upbringing, he didn't care much for her, but whenever she felt a little love, she couldn't stand it inside." Wang Liuwei said that she realized at this time that her daughter may have some knots that need to be untied. By chance, she met Wang Yan, a national second-level psychological counselor, who opened a health psychology studio. While the two were chatting, she realized that she needed to do some healing work for her daughter.
Subsequently, Wang Liuwei and her daughter participated in several sand table activities held by Wang Yan, and through some psychotherapeutic means, both of them said the words hidden in their hearts. Later, Wang Yan also shared her childhood story with them, and it turned out that Wang Yan also grew up in a divorced family. In this way, Wang Yan's role is the role of her own daughter, and the two of them have similar feelings and growing pains.
The daughter told Wang Liuwei, "Mom, in fact, you don't need to say so much, you just need to hug me tightly, I know you love me!" ”
Wang Liuwei said that now her daughter is very good, doing the host, engaging in psychology and aesthetics lectures. The daughter also inherited her father's cleverness and smiled at others.
Every Mother's Day she receives surprises
Speaking of Mother's Day, Wang Liuwei said that she has surprises every time. At 3:08 p.m. on this year's "March 8th" festival, two young grandchildren appeared in front of her on time with flowers and greeting cards. These are all things they learned from their mothers. Once on Mother's Day, she received a 3,000 yuan dance card from her daughter and asked her to learn to dance ethnic dance.
She said she was often taught by her two young grandchildren not to "talk to death." What is "talking about death"? It is always treated with a condescending attitude, such as how many points they have scored, what they should do, and so on. "If I could do it again, I would like to lower my posture and grow up with my daughter." At the same time, she doesn't like the way the public labels, such as the children of single-parent families must have problems, or how pitiful single mothers are, etc., in fact, the reality is really not like this. Wang Liuwei said.
Wang Liuwei said that love is a luxury, and he has never given up his vision of love, and if he meets the right one, he will choose.
Shanxi Evening News reporter Song Junfeng
(Editor-in-charge: Candy)