In a variety show, Fu Seoul and her husband Lao Liu left a deep impact on me.
Once, Lao Liu said casually: After cooking for a few days, I felt that my hands were full of the smell of green onions, ginger and garlic.
Fu Seoul immediately retorted: Why does Yuan Hong cook every day, and there is no smell of green onions, ginger and garlic on his body?
In the show, when Lao Liu expresses her opinions, she will subconsciously refute them and find loopholes in his words.
Netizens commented that she seems to be unable to distinguish between debate and life, and regards rebuttal as a habit, making people feel that she is not Lao Liu's wife, but a debater.
Yuan Hong also asked Lao Liu a question: "There is a debater at home, do you argue with her?" ”
Lao Liu replied: I basically don't talk at home, and I can't say the key. So, I gave up early.
If there is someone in the family who likes to compete for victory and defeat, right and wrong, such a family will have problems sooner or later.
is like Fu Seoul and Lao Liu, in the end, they can only use divorce as the end of this relationship.
Life has become a debate competition, which is really sad.
The root of a family's misfortune is that there is a best debater in the family, and everything must be divided into right and wrong.
01
Writer Wang Ning wrote an article called "The Other Party Argues with You, Give Him the Victory", which has a plot.
The male protagonist He Xuan is quick-witted and logical, and he can always talk eloquently about the points he wants to express.
Before getting married, his wife admired his eloquence.
But after getting married, this advantage almost became the fuse for the breakdown of their marriage.
But whenever there is a conflict between the two, the husband can always scare his wife until he is speechless.
Once, He Xuan went to pick up his wife from work, and waited downstairs for half an hour without seeing his wife, and there was no reply to his phone calls and WeChat messages.
After a while, the wife hurried downstairs. Explained to her husband that she was temporarily called to a meeting by her boss when she was about to get off work.
My husband said impatiently, "You could have told me in advance."
The wife was also very aggrieved, and the incident happened suddenly, and she was not given time to think about it at all.
Apparently the husband didn't buy it:
"Your eyes are full of work, it only takes a few seconds to send a message, and it doesn't delay your time, but you didn't expect me at all.
Even if you're in a meeting and I've sent you so many messages, don't you even have a chance to reply? ”
It was like a teacher reprimanding a student harshly, and he had to force his wife to admit his mistake.
The wife was so stunned by her that she couldn't speak, opened the car door and threw down the sentence "Divorce, I can't live this day", and left with her bag in a puff after speaking.
It can be depressing to have someone in your family who is always arguing.
Even if it is a trivial matter, he has to distinguish between right and wrong, and always wants to prove that he is right.
The stupidest thing in the world is to argue with your partner about winning or losing.
Husbands and wives are not enemies, and families are not debate competitions, and there is no need to score the merits of the competition.
If you win every quarrel and end up losing to that person, are you still willing to fight right and wrong?
There's a quote in The Simpsons: "Honey, if you're too competitive, you'll never be happy." ”
A really smart person never argues about right or wrong at home, although he suffers a loss in words, but in exchange for the peace of the family.
02
There is a good saying: the so-called good relationship comes from one person's tolerance and accommodation, and another person's moderation.
Only by getting along with family members and being more tolerant and understanding can we turn big things into small things and small things into small things.
Writer Zhuo Wen once discussed with her husband a new sofa for the family.
On this day, her husband went on a business trip, and she went to the furniture market alone to pick out a set of sofas.
When she checked out, she realized that the sofa was staggeringly expensive.
The next day, my mother-in-law came to the door, saw the new sofa in the house, and asked her how much she had spent.
As soon as she heard the price, her mother-in-law's face immediately pulled down, accusing her of spending money indiscriminately, she must have been deceived.
Zhuo Wen had to try her best to defend herself: "Expensive things must have their reasons, and the quality is always good." ”
In fact, she was very weak-hearted, and she also felt that the sofa was expensive, and she was worried that her husband would count her down when he came back.
A few days later, my husband came back from a business trip, looked at the new sofa at home and said: The color is good, and it is very comfortable to sit on.
Hearing her husband say this, Zhuo Wen lowered her head and admitted her mistake: "Husband, this sofa is too expensive, and I still regret it a little." ”
Then he told me about my mother-in-law's visit to the house before.
As a result, when her husband heard this, he did not blame her, but comforted her and said:
"The sofa is going to be used for many years, and it's not expensive to be expensive. As for what Mom said, don't take it to heart, I'll do her ideological work. ”
A good family is only about tolerance and understanding.
Life is not a tightrope walk, and you can't afford to make a mistake.
The family is not a competitor either, and there is no need to have the upper hand in everything.
We must always remember that relatives are more important than reason, tolerance is more important than transformation, and intimacy is more important than correctness.
03
I like this analogy:
Home is like a car, reasoning is stepping on the brakes, and intercession is stepping on the accelerator.
If a car only has a throttle, it is easy to have an accident on the road, and if a car only has a brake, it can't go anywhere.
Only when the accelerator and brake are coordinated, and the reason is blended, the "home" car will drive more and more steadily and farther and farther.
As the best debater of the national debate team, Chen Ming has won many awards because of his rigorous logic and eloquence on the field.
But in life, he never won a quarrel with his wife.
Once, Chen Ming and his wife went shopping, and his wife took a fancy to a bag and had to drag him to buy it.
But Chen Ming looked at the price tag and found that the bag was too expensive, so he immediately began to enter a state of debate, trying to persuade his wife:
"You look at this bag, you look at the price of this bag, do you know how much it costs, do you know how many times its profit has multiplied?
You calm down and think about it, the current economic situation of our family, our income situation.
Do you buy such a bag now, is it rational, is it responsible, is it a choice we should have now? ”
Up to the concept of consumption, down to the cost performance, income ratio, risk ratio, income and expenditure comparison of buying this package......
After saying the truth, even Chen Ming was conquered by his own calmness and rationality.
But his wife was unmoved, blinking her eyes and asking him: Is it important that those big truths are important, or am I important?
In a word, he was speechless when asked, and in the end he chose to surrender obediently.
Is he unable to compete with his wife? Not really.
What made him compromise was his care and love for his wife.
Home is a place to hide love, not a place to reason.
Instead of fighting for your superiority and my inferiority, it is better for someone to give in first.
Instead of winning the truth, it is better to keep the love first.
Because I love you, I am willing to tolerate all your bad temper and be willing to accept defeat for a lifetime.
Isn't this kind of loss a win?
▽
I've seen such a passage:
"If a family wants to be peaceful, there must always be one who has to back down. If both husband and wife want to have the upper hand and prove themselves right, then the relationship is wrong. ”
There is no right or wrong in family affairs, only harmony and discord.
Living under the same roof, there will inevitably be stumbles, and truly wise people never use their families as battlefields.