I've met too many wives who have been holding back after finding out that their husbands were cheating, thinking that they would protect their children.
In fact, this is wrong, the more you forbear and back down, the more unscrupulous your husband will be. The worse your relationship will be, and the more sad and angry you will be, and you will be stuck in sadness and anger all day long.
Then, the first thing you hurt, and the one that hurts the most, is your child.
In the "Zhu Shenyong Communication Drill Class" held in Shenzhen this time, many students said that when they came to Mr. Zhu to learn communication, they not only wanted to learn how to communicate with husband and wife, but also wanted to learn parent-child communication.
Because they found that extramarital affairs have seriously affected the growth of children, as well as their views on marriage and love, and mate selection.
01
Seeing that her mother had an unhappy marriage, her daughter canceled the wedding
When a mother talked about her marriage in class, she couldn't hold back her excitement with a choked voice.
Here's what she said:
Because of my husband's extramarital affair, I felt that I hurt my daughter, because when my daughter was about to get married, she cried, she didn't dare to enter the marriage, and canceled the wedding.
I am very anxious, but there is no way, as a mother, I still have to be strong, encourage my daughter to enter marriage, and when communicating with my daughter, I said, "No matter whether it is good or bad in the future, the road of life still has to be walked by yourself." ”
The extramarital affair made her daughter see the unhappiness of her parents' marriage, and she was afraid that she would live such a life like her mother.
My daughter said, I don't want to see myself, and I will be like my mother in the future, washing my face with tears at home.
I feel very sorry for her, I didn't run a good family, but I can't do anything, the current society is so open, a man's heart can't be controlled, when his heart runs out, I don't know, and I can't control it.
After Mr. Zhu's communication drill class, I thought of some ideas for communicating with my daughter.
I want to ask for her opinion, she can live how she wants, and we should live our own lives, our own wonderful.
This mother said the helplessness of her marriage, and a man's heart can't be controlled. But I want to tell all wives that there is a cure for extramarital affairs. First of all, you must have the courage to face it, if you are weak, you will not be able to protect your children.
Fortunately, this mother is trying to explore the problems of marriage and find a way to communicate with her children.
02
The child is roaring during the rebellious period, my dad is so bad, I don't want to get married in the future
Mr. Zhu's class is a system, which is worth taking many times and practicing repeatedly.
The student said that it was the second time that he had attended Mr. Zhu's offline class. This time in the communication drill class, my mind was full of thinking about the child, because the child told her many times that she didn't want to get married or fall in love.
The first time I went to Mr. Zhu's offline class, I asked Mr. Zhu about parent-child communication, and Mr. Zhu repeatedly taught that children should communicate more and check more. So, every time I finish offline classes, I go home and talk to her about it.
The child said to me coldly, "My dad is so bad, I don't want to fall in love in the future, I don't want to get married."
After this class, I still have to communicate with the children. My child is in her third year of high school, and I know that there is a lot of pressure on her studies, and she has nowhere to vent her anger on this dearest mother.
This also caused me to be very anxious, and every time I was angry with the child, I had to endure it, endure it again and again, and endure it until the college entrance examination is over next year, maybe it will be fine.
When I go to college, I want to communicate with her again, to have more boyfriends, to experience love, and not to be afraid. And I just learned a sentence in Mr. Zhu's class, "You don't see him well, so you kicked him." ”
But I also know that the child's fear of marriage is caused by our husband and wife, and to solve her fear, we must first solve our marriage problems.
I was accidentally hurt a lot in my recent battles, in communication with that family of my lover.
I am from Tianjin, my husband is from Guizhou, and I found that these two areas are the places with high divorce rates, and his whole family has contributed a lot to the divorce rate in Guizhou. In the family group, except for those who are not married, they are all divorced and second-married.
So I was very sad, I was hurt a lot, and I felt that I had to attend Mr. Zhu's trauma healing class for the second time. In class yesterday, the word "a thousand cuts" said by Mr. Zhu was too powerful for me, especially for my thoughts.
I think my husband is particularly suitable for this word, whether we choose to divorce or not divorce in the future, I think he deserves this word.
This mother is a very powerful mother, who knows how to endure humiliation for her child, and also plans her communication strategy with her child in advance. And she knows very well that if her marital problems are not resolved, it will be more harmful to the children, so she fights hard.
03
After recovering her parents' marital problems, she made her own choice
If the parents' marital problems are not resolved, they will continue to the children.
The young mother said that my father had an extramarital affair and my mother had been lying on her stomach for 30 years, and I have been facing this since I was 7 years old.
From childhood to adulthood, this problem has not been solved.
At a very young age, I asked my mother, why do you persevere, why can't you give up, can't you start over?
Like all moms, she said it was for me.
But in my heart, I don't want my mother to be for me, I want her to be for herself, no matter what choice she makes, I want her to be for herself.
I don't want my mom to tell me it's for me, I really don't understand it, I can't accept it.
However, I entered into marriage, and I also reproduced the problems that my parents encountered in their marriage, and my husband cheated.
Because of the relationship between my parents, I already have a certain scale of understanding, I believe that these things exist in human nature, but it does not mean that I can completely not destroy myself when I encounter this matter.
After three months of fighting, I got the compensation money and went to buy a house of my own. I was also very happy to give feedback to my ex-husband, saying thank you for giving me a home, which my parents didn't give me.
What Mr. Zhu said in class, husband and wife communicate at war, and wife and wife talk about these communications, I have practiced them and got the results. Now I am most concerned about parent-child communication, my children are still very young, and they live with me after the divorce.
When I see my little friend now, I will tell him that this is my mother's own choice, and my mother can't do without you. Mom is not for you, Mom is for myself.
I believe that every mother is not afraid of the mistress, nor of the ex-husband's brother, or the current husband, the only thing we are afraid of hurting is ourselves and our children.
Because, we are mothers, and we are responsible for the lives we bring.
I'm not saying what the older generation is choosing, I want to try to take responsibility for the kids.
In the future, when he asks me these questions, I will be able to answer him, or I will stop hurting him. Maybe I can't do it to be able to heal him, but I want to minimize the damage I do to him.
This may be the purpose of my communication class, and it is also the answer I want to find the most.
This mother herself has been traumatized by her parents' extramarital affairs, and when it was her turn to marry, the same problem arose, but she made a different choice from her mother, she chose to go to war, only in this way can she better protect her children.
And when communicating with her children, she is honest enough to communicate her choices with her children, letting her know that the divorce of her parents is the mother's choice, not the child's fault, and she is trying her best to learn how to minimize the trauma of the child.
We should all applaud such a brave mother.
If you also encounter parent-child communication problems, tell Teacher Zhu and give you ways to deal with it.