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#长文创作激励计划#"Dad, where's my mom?" ”
I believe that many fathers have such troubles, every time their children call home, they often have to find their wives to answer the phone before they have said a word to themselves, which is frustrating.
Recalling that when the child was a child, he was also very close to himself, why as he grew older, the child became more and more distant from himself.
For this sad father, you might as well take a look at the theories given by relevant psychologists.
In childhood, children may prefer their dads
Some time ago, I went to my cousin's house. As soon as I entered the door, I found that my sister-in-law was happy to do handicrafts, but my cousin was playing with my little nephew, and I was tired and sweaty.
This picture made me very surprised, recalling that before, the little nephew was comparable to the little pendant on the sister-in-law's body, and he couldn't leave for a minute wherever he went.
I didn't expect that now I don't pester my mother, but instead of "torturing" my father.
When my cousin saw me, it was like seeing a savior, and asked me to play with the child for a while and let him rest.
I never thought that before I played for long, the little nephew went to pester my father again, which made people call it a sweet burden.
Seeing that I was surprised by such a huge change in my little nephew, my sister-in-law only smiled slightly, in fact, the reason is very simple.
Before the child is two or three years old, it is generally the mother who takes care of it more, and the child at this age is often the closest to whoever spends the most time with.
Once this age is past the age when you need to be taken care of all the time, the child's playful and active nature will be revealed, and at this stage, the person closest to the child is the person who can play with him.
In this field, generally fathers will have more advantages than mothers, after all, "men are teenagers until they die", and childish and playful seem to be the genes of most men.
Moreover, compared to moms, most dads will be more funny and humorous, especially for boys, many memories of childhood adventures, with dad involved.
Mother's love is mostly gentle and delicate, so in the child's childhood, the image of the father in the heart will often be taller, and at the same time, there will be a certain admiration for the father.
At this stage, the child's dependence and affection for the father is mostly higher than that of the mother.
Especially in some small things that are messed up, the father is also more tolerant than the mother, and will not be too calculating and harsh, and the child will feel that it will be easier to get along with the father.
However, this often changes as the child reaches puberty.
Adolescent rebellion and resistance
Adolescence is an important stage for the development of children's personality, and it is also a stage for the gradual formation of self-awareness, and many parents will feel that their children's personality has changed.
Psychologically, it is believed that all children go through a process called "individuation" during adolescence.
To put it simply, it is a phenomenon in which children gradually mature as they grow older, and they are emotionally separated from their parents and try to be independent.
During adolescence, children may feel that it is childish to become too dependent on their parents.
This phenomenon is more obvious in the relationship with the father, and many children believe that keeping a distance from their childhood "playmates" is a sign of growing up.
And, as children grow older, fathers will make changes for the sake of educating the next generation.
will no longer "obey" the unreasonable troubles in the child's childhood, nor will it be tolerant of everything, but will choose to educate in a more strict way for the sake of the child's character development.
Due to the change in the way their fathers educate and get along with each other, many children begin to gradually "drift away" from their fathers during adolescence and are no longer as close as before.
In addition, there is also the "gender identity" that children gradually develop.
This is especially true for girls.
Out of the psychology of being embarrassed by the intimacy of the opposite sex, many girls will gradually keep a certain distance from their fathers at this stage.
In fact, not only for the children themselves, but also for the differentiated behavior of parents' emotional expression, it is also an important reason for the relationship between fathers and children to become more and more distant.
Differences in the way parents express their feelings
As the saying goes, "A father's love is like a mountain, and a mother's love is like water." ”
In the traditional concept of the mainland, the father is generally a majestic figure, while the mother is a gentle figure.
In particular, Chinese people are often more restrained in the expression of emotions in their bones, and fathers will relatively less verbally express their love to their children than mothers.
During the child's childhood, the father can also play with the child to express unspoken feelings.
But as they grow older, men will become more mature and stable, and their love for children will not be expressed in words, and most of them are hidden in the bits and pieces of life.
However, in this way, many children may not be aware of it, but will become closer to their mothers who often express their love.
Especially as the child gets older, the father will be more powerful and unshakable than the mother when it comes to certain issues of choice or freedom.
Such behavior will also make the child rebellious and alienate the father.
In the face of such troubles, what can fathers do to maintain a close relationship with their children?
How to maintain intimacy effectively
First of all, give your child an equal position in communication.
In the minds of many children, the number one reason for estrangement from their father is the feeling of pressure from their father.
Adolescents, in particular, crave recognition, attention, and equality.
No one likes to be commanded by someone else, including between parents and children.
Fathers should try to put themselves in the same position as much as possible when communicating with their children, rather than exerting pressure on their superiors.
Less giving orders, more consultation and recognition, will make the child's heart feel extremely warm.
Second, be a little more patient and a little less blame.
No one is perfect, and every child will have more or less trouble growing up.
In this case, you should first stay sensible, take patience to listen to the child's explanation, understand the reasons behind it and then make a judgment, instead of blindly blaming.
Parents' understanding is a good medicine for children on the road to growth.
How many fathers and sons are estranged comes from a sentence from a child: "I don't think my dad understands me at all, and he doesn't understand me." ”
Taking more time and patience to carefully understand what is going on in the child's mind is a must for every father.
Finally, learn to be respectful.
The relationship between children and parents is the most taboo "wishful thinking".
The sentence: "Mom and Dad are for your good" has become the last straw that crushes many children.
Respect your child's ideas and choices, and don't try to force them as a father.
Give your child more personal space, and the premise for every child to be truly independent is to be respected.
epilogue
In fact, it is a common normal phenomenon for children to be estranged from their fathers during adolescence, and there is no need to be too entangled and anxious as a father.
The focus should be on how to get along with the child after the psychological changes.
Patience and respect are essential conditions for bringing your child closer together.