#长文创作激励计划#
True wisdom,
It's about understanding people's needs.
Author: Insight Leyla
Psychologist Adler said that human troubles stem from relationships.
Walking in the world, we always have to deal with all kinds of people.
Some people try their best to be friends, but they still can't get sincere friendship;
Some people struggle to build co-worker relationships, but they are still exhausted by the complexity of human affairs......
But in fact, as early as more than 2,000 years ago, Zhuangzi exposed the nature of human relations with his profound wisdom.
Zhuangzi said: Love is pro, benefit is to come, reputation is persuaded, evil is scattered.
By reading these 4 sentences, you will be able to easily grasp interpersonal relationships.
1
Love is dear
Zhuang Ziyun: Love is kissing.
In just four words, the emotional needs of human beings have been broken.
If people don't give each other sincerity, they will only end up drifting apart.
Only by paying a sincere heart can we harvest a piece of true love.
At the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, Liu Bei served as the minister of state in Pingyuan County, which coincided with the ravages of natural disasters and the displacement of the people.
He worked tirelessly every day to give alms and comfort those displaced by famine.
One day, a man with a yellow face and thin muscles and shabby clothes suddenly broke into the mansion.
Seeing this, Liu Bei did not hesitate at all, immediately invited him into the house, and personally brought him wine and food to invite him to a full meal.
But the man didn't take a few bites, and he knelt down with a "plop".
With tears in his eyes, he said, "I am an Assassin, and I have been ordered to assassinate you. But you're so good to me, I can't bear to do it. ”
It turns out that Liu Bei has always stood up for benevolence and righteousness, and has won the admiration of his subordinates and the love of the people.
In "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Chen Shou also lamented that Liu Bei won the hearts of the people:
"Those who are under the priests will sit at the same table and eat together, and they will have no choice, and many will return."
Later, when Liu Bei retreated from Fancheng, tens of thousands of people spontaneously followed, and many children of the scholar clan followed.
These include strategists like Ma Liang and Yi Yuan, as well as famous generals like Huo Jun who have their own armed forces.
They joined Liu Bei's team one after another and volunteered to help his career.
In the "Zhuangzi", it is written: "The true one is sincere." If you are not sincere, you can't move people. ”
People are always mutual.
To get the sincerity of others, you must first learn to give love and sincerity.
In "Teahouse", Wang Lifa is shrewd, but he has a sincere heart for people.
Kang Shunzi passed by the door of the teahouse, dressed shabby, haggard.
Wang Lifa saw it and was distressed.
Although he didn't have much money, he took the initiative to take in the other party and carefully provided food for Kang Shunzi.
Kang Shunzi was grateful and regarded Wang Lifa as his own relative.
A few years later, Wang Lifa's teahouse fell into crisis, and Kang Shunzi did not hesitate to help.
The friendship between the two also lasted a lifetime.
As the old saying goes, "He who loves others will always love him." ”
If you are willing to give your heart to others, others will give you warmth when you are lost.
If you are willing to open your heart to others, they will give you comfort and companionship when you are lonely.
The secret to a long-lasting relationship is not complicated.
As long as you put more time, energy and sincerity into others, you will definitely be able to reap sincere friendships.
2
The benefits are coming
Zhuangzi said that the second point of interpersonal relations is that the benefit will come.
A story comes to mind.
A lonely and frustrated young man found the old Zen master and cried about the cold state of the world.
The Zen master did not speak, but blew out the lamp brought by the young man.
Faced with the young man's puzzlement, the Zen master asked rhetorically, "Can you still see the shadow that followed you all the way?" ”
When you live without light, the shadow will be far away from you.
People interact with each other for a long time.
Just like the shadow is chasing your light, the reason why many people come to you is also because of the word profit.
The ancient Shang saint Fan Li was particularly good at using this principle.
When he was in the Qi Kingdom, he observed that the local horses were of high quality, but the Wuyue region lacked such good horses.
So, he had a plan in mind and decided to buy horses and ship them to Yue Guo for sale.
At that time, wars were frequent, banditry was rampant, and long-distance transportation was extremely risky and the cost was unpredictable.
After understanding, Fan Li noticed that there was a powerful businessman Jiang Zidun.
Jiang Zidun was a wealthy merchant in the Qi State, he frequently sold goods to the Wuyue region, and he had already used money to ensure the safety of transportation at places along the way.
However, how to get to know Jiang Zidun?
Fan Li thought of a clever plan and wrote a notice and posted it in the city:
I have a horse team, and because of the opening, I can provide three months of free shipping.
As expected, as soon as the notice came out, Jiang Zidun took the initiative to come to the door.
Three months later, the cooperation was carried out smoothly.
Jiang Zidun couldn't help but ask Fan Li curiously, what do you rely on to feed the horse team?
Fan Li smiled and told the truth, every time he bought good horses in the north to fill the horse team, he sold some of them after he went to the south, so he made a profit back and forth.
After hearing this, Jiang Zidun admired Fan Li's intelligence and maintained a lifelong cooperative relationship with him.
The world is bustling, all for profit, the world is bustling, all for profit.
Regardless of ancient or modern, society has always been profit-oriented.
Your relationship with anyone depends on how much leverage you have.
This bargaining chip can be money, connections, or fame and fortune.
As long as you can provide someone with what he wants, then friendship can naturally be established.
The more benefits you have, the more people you will attract and the more valuable relationships you have.
3
Reputation is persuaded
Zhuangzi said that the third point of interpersonal relations lies in the persuasion of reputation.
What is the rationale for this?
Meaning: Those who receive praise are more likely to listen to persuasion and work harder.
There is such a story in "Zhuangzi: The World".
There was a famous sage named Yan Qi in the Lu Kingdom, and he was invited to be the prince's teacher.
Yan Yu heard that the prince had a violent personality and was not sure if he could teach, so he went to ask the wise man Lan Boyu for advice:
The prince was proud and conceited, and was unaware of his own faults.
If I had taught him strictly, I am afraid that he would not only not listen, but would have killed me in a fit of rage.
But if I let it go, then his ascension to the throne in the future will bring great disaster to the country. What should I do? ”
After hearing this, Lu Boyu replied: "The first thing you have to do is to praise him in words and deeds, so that he is willing to listen to you."
Outwardly, it is obedient and close, but in fact it is reconciled and guided.
In this way, he can change completely. ”
After Yan Yu went back, he often praised the prince and said that he would definitely be a virtuous king in the future.
Sure enough, under the guidance of Yan Qi, the prince gradually got rid of his violent problem, and finally became a Ming monarch.
Zeng Guofan once said: "Persuading people not to point fingers at them, they must first beautify their strengths." If people are happy, the language is easy to enter, and when they are angry, the language is difficult to enter. ”
If you want to dissuade someone, the best way is not to preach, but to learn to praise them first.
Because people usually like to be affirmed and praised rather than reprimanded and belittled.
Pointing out his faults bluntly is easy to incur the disgust of the other party.
On the contrary, if you can speak tactfully about the advice of the contrary, the other party will be in a happy mood, and will naturally listen to your opinion.
Even if it's just a compliment or an affirmation, it can bring each other closer.
Learn the art of praise, and the relationship with each other can be more harmonious and harmonious.
4
Evil is scattered
Regarding the fourth point of interpersonal relationships, Zhuangzi once gave this answer:
Evil is scattered.
It means that if you impose something that you don't like, they will choose to leave because they hate you.
There is a story in Zhuangzi's pen about "Luhou raising birds":
There are birds from the sea and roost on the outskirts of the capital of Lu.
Lu Hou thought that this bird was a "sacred bird", so he caught it back to the palace for a good life.
The sacred bird is offered in the temple of Lu Guozong, and every day there are musicians who are ordered to play music for it, and there are servants to feed it the delicacies of the mountains and seas.
The birds were so frightened by the sound of music that they did not dare to eat, and died within a few days.
Lu Hou took it for granted that playing music for birds and eating seafood was good for it.
But the opposite is true.
Your own likes and dislikes are not equal to the likes and dislikes of others.
Impose something that the bird doesn't like, and it will leave you because of death.
The same is true of people.
When you ask others to do what you think, it will only end up in two shots.
Learning to respect the lives of others is the only way to keep the relationship lasting for a long time.
Zhuangzi had a friend for many years named Keiko.
Keiko was a senior official of the Wei State, and he liked the life of fine clothes and jade food, chasing fame and fortune the most.
But Zhuangzi believes that to be an official is to put an invisible shackle on life, and the soul will never be at ease.
In Keiko's view, Zhuangzi was so poor that he couldn't afford to wear pants, and he fantasized about being free all day long, which was a typical nihilism.
Despite their very different outlooks on life, they never interfered with each other's choices.
On the contrary, they cherished each other and became rare confidants and friends.
Zhuangzi once said: Zi is not a fish, how do you know the joy of fish?
In life, everyone has their own ideas and pursuits.
Blindly asking others to live according to their own ideas is a kind of cruelty, and it is also an invisible kind of bullying.
No matter what the relationship is, there are two words to learn: respect.
Understand each other's differences, be considerate of each other's differences, and tolerate the feelings of others.
Respect from the heart, followed by understanding and acceptance, is what makes a relationship resilient and long-lasting.
▽
It has been said that true wisdom lies in understanding people's hearts.
Those who seem unfathomable to wisdom do not possess supernatural powers, but are able to cater to the psyche of others with a keen acumen.
Like it, remember the 4 sentences of Zhuangzi, and gain insight into the psychology of others.
At any given time, you'll be able to navigate interpersonal interactions.