#二婚##离婚##重组家庭##后妈##人物故事#
This is the 4,283rd real story we have told
I'm a edamame mom and I'm currently working full-time at home with 3 kids.
My childhood was not perfect, my family was poor, my father died early, I dropped out of school to work, and I endured all the hardships of life.
After a failed marriage, I met my husband who was also divorced, who not only paid off my 450,000 debts for me, but also gave me a warm family.
There is no blood, there is no vicious stepmother, after marriage, we live happily, and we have become best friends with our ex-wife.
(Art photos taken with my husband, ex-wife, and eldest daughter)
I was born in 1986 in a small village in Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, the fourth of five sisters.
Our family was poor and we had many children, and my father's concern for us was a little inadequate. Maybe it's because I look like him, he once said, "People who look like me, I don't hurt the most." It made me feel an unspeakable sense of loss since I was a child.
Housework and farm work have become our daily routine. Because of the poverty of the family, the sisters left school early to go out to work.
When I was 10 years old, my father was sick and paralyzed at home, and he could only move his hands and mouth. My mother was busy with farm work and pigs and other poultry at home, so the burden of caring for my father fell on me.
Every morning, I cooked breakfast for my father, took care of his diet, and by the time I arrived at school, the first class was over. The teacher was strict and did not tolerate my family's situation. Standing every day has become my norm, and the gaze of my classmates makes me feel pressured.
Every day after school, the first thing I do is go home and give my father a massage, and after the massage, I feed him and read to him.
(My eldest son and my ex-husband)
In the beginning, I read martial arts novels for him, but as his illness worsened, my father stopped reading other books and only listened to me read the Bible. I read it to him day after day, and I could memorize the thick Bible. Three years have passed.
When I was 13 years old, two or three days before my father died, the way he looked at me changed. It was a look of love and nostalgia, and I could clearly sense that he might be aware that he was about to leave this world. In those two days, wherever I went, his eyes would follow me, full of reluctance.
Although my father didn't express much during his lifetime, at that moment, I felt his deep nostalgia.
After my father passed away, I chose to drop out of school. My classmates came to my house, delivered postcards, and asked me why I wanted to give up my studies. They didn't understand, but I knew in my heart how much helplessness and bitterness there was behind my choice.
I actually like to study, and my grades are in the upper middle of the class. But my father's illness and the burden of the family forced me to make that difficult decision. Whenever I think back to those days, my heart is always filled with tears.
(Me and my eldest son)
I longed to be able to continue to sit in the classroom and enjoy learning, but the reality was that I had to take on the responsibilities of becoming an adult early and start my part-time job.
Being a child laborer has made me hit a wall when looking for a job, but the pressures of life have left me with no choice. I wash dishes in the back kitchen of a restaurant, serve dishes at the night market, and even help out at a barbecue restaurant. I wanted to learn how to cook, but for various reasons, I couldn't finish it a year later and continue my part-time life.
Later, following in the footsteps of my sisters, I came to Yangzhou to continue working odd jobs until I was 16 years old. After that, I returned to my hometown and worked in a plate factory for more than a year.
When I was 18 years old, I followed my sisters to Yangzhou again. This time, I worked at an internet café as a front-end webmaster. It was there that I met my ex-husband, a man from Fujian, who was also an employee there.
We quickly fell in love. However, my family was so strongly opposed to our relationship that they even locked me in the house and locked the door with a stick in an attempt to get me to give up the relationship.
(After divorcing my ex-husband, I took my son out to play)
My family's opposition fueled my rebellion. The more they objected, the more determined I wanted to be with him.
In the end, I chose to elope with my ex-husband. When I was 19 years old, I got pregnant. Although the family was helpless, they also had to accept this fact.
When I was 20 years old, I gave birth to my eldest son, and at the age of 22, we reissued our marriage certificate.
My ex-husband and I have been married for four years without any disputes. We used to run a store together, I took care of the kids, and he took care of the shop. But the return of the mother-in-law brings variables, and her strength and overprotection of her ex-husband gradually build a wall between us.
Eventually, when my son was six years old, I decided to end the marriage, and the divorce process was simple and quick, and half an hour later I was standing alone on the street with a few pieces of clothing, dazed.
In order to be closer to my children and see him regularly, after the divorce, I temporarily lived at a friend's house in Fuzhou and worked as a salesperson in a large clothing store.
At first, I saw my child once a week, but then I changed it to half a month or once a month due to my busy work, and when my child entered elementary school, I would take him out to play on weekends, and this life lasted for three years.
(The eldest daughter who met her husband for the first time)
Three years later, I decided to go back to my hometown, and every summer, I would pick up my eldest son to stay for two months, until the outbreak of the epidemic broke this habit. During the pandemic, I had to stop spending time with my children, and those three years of separation were both a challenge and a deep longing for me.
In my hometown, I tried to start my own business and open a beauty salon. At that time, the V business industry was emerging, I invested a lot of money, at first it seemed smooth, I even got a little carried away, for a large-scale hoarding upgrade, a one-time investment of three or four hundred thousand, this money is partly borrowed from relatives and friends, partly by credit cards and online loans.
Unfortunately, with a backlog of goods, poor sales, and the outbreak of the pandemic, the beauty salon business was dismal, and I was in financial trouble. In order to pay off the growing interest, I began to tear down the east wall and replace the west wall, and the debt snowballed and grew.
In 2018, I met my current husband by chance at a dinner party. His sister and I worked in the same factory when we were young and had a close relationship. He was depressed because of the divorce, and he would take him with her every time my sister and I got together.
(The eldest daughter who met her husband for the first time)
At a party, his sister half-jokingly suggested that the two of us try to get along. At first, I rejected the offer because of the age gap, after all, I was four years older than him.
But as we got to know each other, we found out that we fell in love with each other, confirmed our relationship, and got married in May 2020.
When I met my husband, I didn't disclose my finances to him. As the debt problem got worse, I had to start asking him for help, first thousands, then tens of thousands, and he never asked me for repayment.
It wasn't until one day, when the debt collection call came to him, that he learned about the huge debt I was carrying. Faced with such a situation, I filed for divorce and did not want to drag him down, but he firmly disagreed.
He said that once married, there is no such thing as divorce. He would rather sell the house and help me with my debts. Later, he mortgaged his house in the county town and helped me pay off my debt of 450,000 yuan.
I was deeply touched by his commitment and open-mindedness. In my most difficult time, he did not leave me, but chose to face it with me. I will always remember this affection.
(Accompany the eldest daughter for her birthday)
The relationship between me and my current mother-in-law is very deep. Back when I was working in the factory, I developed a strong friendship with several of her daughters, and we often visited her home, and we were very close.
It's been a friendship that has lasted for almost 20 years, and they know me as a person, and I know their family, and they know each other well.
My mother-in-law is an extremely kind and attentive person. During my confinement, she would get up at 5 o'clock in the morning every morning when it was still bright and prepare brown sugar eggs for me.
She would carefully bring breakfast to my bedside and wake me up over and over again in a whispered voice, for fear it would get cold. When I finished eating, she always carefully put away the dishes and chopsticks and told me to continue to rest.
When my child wakes up, she takes her away so I can have more time to rest. This kind of care has not changed since I gave birth twice.
This care and care is reflected in many small things. In daily life, as long as I say what I like to eat, whether it is my father-in-law or mother-in-law, I will keep it in my heart, and that dish will always appear on the table next time. My father-in-law also deliberately went to the field to catch a little rooster and stew it for me to eat because of my words.
(I accompanied my eldest daughter to the hospital for a hanging injection)
I was deeply touched by the kindness and thoughtfulness of my mother-in-law and father-in-law, and it also made me cherish our relationship even more.
In the process of my acquaintance and love with my current husband, it was inevitable that his relationship with his ex-wife, as well as their daughter in common, were involved.
My husband's eldest daughter and I met before we got married. It was in 2018 when I went to their house to play and met his eldest daughter for the first time, she was just over five years old at the time, she was very cute and had a cute appearance.
At that time, she called me Auntie. As our relationship stabilized, I would often take her back to my hometown to play, and she was willing to go back with me, and our relationship gradually deepened, until one day, the eldest daughter took the initiative to ask me if I could call me "Mom", and my eyes were hot, and I nodded happily in agreement.
In my daily life, I also have certain requirements for my eldest daughter. For example, I would ask her to do proper household chores, such as washing her own small clothes such as underwear and socks when the weather is warm. I would also ask her to finish her homework every day before going to play.
(Eldest daughter's 10th birthday party)
At first, my ex-wife was hostile to me, worried that I would treat her daughter harshly, and called from time to time to inquire about my husband's children. As a person who has come over, I am open to the connection between them and understand their necessary communication as parents, but I also have grievances in my heart.
This faint relationship lasted for a while, until one day, my ex-wife asked me to meet at a café.
At first, she was emotional and burst into tears, but as the conversation deepened, we began to understand each other's positions and feelings.
She told me that she was getting married and planning to have children, which meant that she would not be able to visit her daughter as often as she used to.
She also revealed that she had health problems, possibly in the early stages of cancer (which later turned out to be a misdiagnosis). The news came as a shock to me because multiple members of my family had also passed away from cancer.
I also expressed my dissatisfaction with her, believing that she should not judge me by personal prejudices. I emphasized that I was not the stepmother she imagined.
(When the debt was not fully exploded, I was still running a beauty salon while pregnant)
She kept apologizing to me, and after three hours of candid communication, the misunderstandings and grievances between us were released and resolved. During our conversation, I assured her that she could come and see my daughter at any time.
Later, my ex-wife and I began to interact frequently, talking about our children, our new families, and sometimes talking on the phone for more than an hour.
Once, when my eldest daughter burst into tears because she missed her mother, my heart was cut like a knife, so I promised her that I would take her to see her mother.
On Friday, the moment my children got out of school, I immediately drove from Xuzhou to Nanjing, which took more than four hours. I, on the other hand, chose to wait quietly in the hotel for two days before driving my eldest daughter home on Sunday night.
On my eldest daughter's 10th birthday, my ex-wife and I conspired with a plan. I booked a venue at a large local hotel and prepared a big birthday party. The ex-wife carefully selected a princess dress for her eldest daughter as a gift, and took a leave of absence to rush over on her birthday.
(Me and my current husband)
On her birthday, we invited my father-in-law, uncle, sister and other relatives and friends to celebrate our eldest daughter at the hotel. I was deeply touched by this heartwarming scene and was moved to tears.
This birthday party is not only a celebration of an important moment in the growth of our eldest daughter, but also an important affirmation of our family relationship. Through our joint efforts and love, we made this day an unforgettable memory for our eldest daughter and further deepened our emotional bond.
I have always believed that conflicts between adults do not need to be brought into the world of children. I treated my husband's daughter with sincerity as if it were my own children, and this sincerity eventually touched my ex-wife and children. My child can also feel my love for her and often express her love and gratitude for me.
Once, the eldest daughter went to stay with her mother for a few days, and every night she called back to talk to me, and she said that she had 2 mothers who loved her and she was so happy. When the simple words came out of the child's mouth, I was very moved.
Gradually, the relationship between my ex-wife and us became more harmonious, and every time I bought something for my eldest daughter, I would definitely have a share of my child.
(I accompany my eldest daughter to buy clothes with my husband's ex-wife)
During a Chinese New Year, my ex-wife and her current husband came to pick up our eldest daughter and brought gifts for our family.
I prepared a big table of hearty meals, and we sat together to make dumplings and enjoy a warm family gathering. Now, our relationship has become like a family, and my mother-in-law even wants to recognize my ex-wife as a goddaughter, and we move around like relatives.
All of this change stems from the fact that we let go of the contradictions of the past and redefine our relationship with understanding and love.
Marriage is for happiness, and so is divorce.
I don't think you should talk badly or quarrel endlessly with your ex even if you're divorced. If there is a misunderstanding or conflict, adults should sit down and communicate calmly because, at the end of the day, everyone is doing it for the good of the child.
Through honest conversations, we can work in the same direction and work together to create a better environment for children to grow up.
(The eldest daughter's mother came to pick her up)
I didn't have a happy childhood myself, but I want my children, both biological and step-child, to have a carefree childhood under my protection. I will do my best to give them more love and warmth.
I am grateful to my current husband for reaching out to me during the most difficult time in my life and helping me to get out of my difficult situation and reorient me in life.
Nowadays, our family is harmonious, although we are not rich, but we enjoy a plain and happy life.
(Welcome to follow: Edamame's mother's second married life)
[Dictation: Edamame Mom]
[Author: Ping Ping]
[Editor: Xiaoqi]
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(*This article is based on the oral statements of the parties, and the authenticity is the responsibility of the oral narrator.) Friendly reminder from this account: Please identify the relevant risks by yourself, and do not blindly follow the trend to make impulsive decisions. ）