Yesterday, I got along with the baby all day long, and the mother and son got along with each other, and there was chatting and laughing.
Just because I did one thing right, that is, when he wasted time and friction, not only did I not quarrel with him, but encouraged him to rest more, and the child was able to calm down and learn more.
According to the practice of summer vacation, children generally sleep until 11 o'clock, then watch TV until the afternoon, and then I am scolded sharply, reluctant to open the homework, symbolically write, and then have fun in the evening.
As for me, watching the child charge for 10 hours and learn the efficiency and quality of 5 minutes, I am angry and noisy: Look at you, I wrote these few woolen words in one day? Who are you perfunctory to see? If you don't want to write, don't write, if you don't want to go to school, don't go to school? It's not enough to waste feelings!
Drawing on the chickens and dogs that I used to get along, I decided to shut up this summer. The policy of not looking, not care, and not arguing is also in line with my philosophy of insisting on mindfulness.
Learning is the child's own business, he wants to learn without forcing will sit still, he doesn't want to learn, even if you carry an 80-meter machete and wave it, it won't help.
After thinking about this, I am not anxious and anxious, and I continue to build myself psychologically:
My child is just an ordinary child, he can't be as self-disciplined as a few children;
My child is not driven by a strong sense of purpose, but he is at least serious in class and doing homework;
Although my child is not very good, he is happy and happy, and he smiles sweetly;
My child is very healthy, mentally healthy, and filial to me, isn't it very good.
When encountering children's rotten and playful play, thinking about it from a different angle, the inner anxiety is instantly reduced by several dimensions.
I will tell myself: it is not that the child is not good, but that the parents are too demanding of the child. If you don't do what you don't do, you have to force your child to do it, or if you can do it easily, you take it for granted that your child should do it. This kind of thinking is to find yourself unhappy.
In my opinion, if a child doesn't want to learn, you will not only hurt yourself and say ugly words, but also make your child close his heart.
Even if the child is not as good as the parents, it is necessary for the parents to count the children again and again, and put the children's shortcomings and unsatisfactory places in front of the children again and again, is it to let the children admit that they are wasteful?
Not only is this meaningless, but it is also a lose-lose relationship for parents and children to communicate.
Based on this thought, when I saw that my child slept until 11 o'clock, not only was I not angry, but I thought to myself: I didn't sleep well at school, and I can make up for it.
When I see my child playing with his mobile phone and giggling at a video, I will also come up and say: I have seen something interesting, come and have fun with my mother.
When I saw that the child listened to the class for less than 5 minutes and went to swipe his mobile phone for 2 hours, I not only did not get angry, but also encouraged him to say: I don't want to learn, so I can play happily, and then learn when I have fun. Don't worry about your mom getting angry, just follow your heart.
When I no longer regard my child's grinding and playing with my mobile phone as a heinous thing, my child's attitude has also changed significantly, and after he finishes playing, he will say to me: Mom, I won't play like this tomorrow again, and I feel very guilty in my heart.
At this time, I persuaded him instead: there is nothing to feel guilty about. Studying in school for a semester is really hard, and you don't have to compare with other children, people are people, you are you. If I always compare like this, I can't compare to other people's mothers, so won't I be able to live?
When I say this, my child is very gentle with me. He will tell me any fun and interesting videos he finds: Mom, you come to see this, it's interesting.
I watched the video with my children, discussed these interesting things together, and by the way, learned about the preferences of today's children.
Of course, there are also times when anxiety comes to my heart and I want to urge my child to learn, but I only remind my child superficially: I have been playing for a long time, and I should consider learning for a while.
Usually when I have said this, I go to sleep or do my own thing, anyway, I have reminded him, and he will decide the rest.
In a daze, I heard the child say to his younger brother: Our mother is better now, and she doesn't quarrel with us anymore. Mom is actually amazing, her articles are well written, 100 million people on the whole network have read her articles, we also have to learn from Mom and work hard.
When I hear my child say this, I feel the power of being the right example for my child. If you think about it, I've worked really hard in the past few years, and I can be considered self-disciplined enough to work while taking care of the baby.
My heart is also becoming more and more self-consistent, and my tolerance for children to play, rub and play games is getting higher and higher, and I am rarely angry but think more from the perspective of children: why does he play games? What is the joy of the game? What is the sense of accomplishment? How can the joy of the game be synchronized in reality?
Don't treat games as a waste of time, don't take friction as an intolerable bottom line, no matter how playful your children are, don't amplify anxiety and fear, and don't compare with other people's children.
When I did this, my child told me, "Mom, I put my phone on DND mode so that I don't look at my phone for 40 minutes and can focus on studying."
Share the key points that my change has led to change for my children:
First of all, don't always focus on what your child can't do, but see more where your child has already done it.
Take a magnifying glass to see the child's strengths and affirm the child in time.
Secondly, don't always put your child playful, grinding and playing games on the line.
When it comes to games, I get angry in a hurry, and I feel that children should not be very bad, and I always want to nip the game in the bud.
In this age of electronics and information, avoiding games and electronic products is undoubtedly whimsical, and taking it with a normal mind will not make children more addicted to play.
Finally, don't always think about changing your child.
Parents always want to break down their children's problems, which is a particularly thankless task.
It is impossible to change the child, but parents can change themselves, let go of anxiety, let themselves work hard and self-discipline first, and then demonstrate to the child.
The child is a copy of the parents, and if the parents really understand this sentence, the child will slowly slow down the addiction to the game, and the self-motivation will slowly return.