The daughter of the third year of junior high school didn't want to do her homework, so her mother helped her daughter "support"

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-05-29 14:53Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

How would your child react if your child suddenly walked into the room in the middle of the night and said to you, "Mommy, hug"?

Mi Li's mother's first feeling is that the child may encounter difficulties.

Recently, Mi Li's mother swiped a post in which a mother told the whole process of her third daughter "asking for help" from herself.

From the moment her daughter asked for a hug, the mother keenly noticed that her daughter's emotions were wrong, she got up from the bed, hugged her daughter, and gently patted her on the back.

The mother didn't say anything, and the daughter cried under the caresses: "Mom, I'm so uncomfortable, I can't sleep." ”

Seeing her daughter's pain, the mother immediately began to ask her daughter what happened, and the daughter completely opened her heart to her mother, and the mother and daughter chatted for more than 2 hours.

And the problem that plagued the third daughter of junior high school turned out to be homework.

Do you have a feeling that you are having some kind of difficulty, and you just can't finish your homework?

But the mother did not stage a "change of face", but captured a signal: her daughter was about to be crushed by homework.

So, really don't let your child do homework?

Children just need your "differentiatory"

It turns out that my daughter's academic performance has been good, and she also has relatively high requirements for herself, and in addition to completing her homework, she also needs some time for independent learning to consolidate or preview.

However, the amount of homework per day is too large for her, and she is very serious about her homework, so she can't improve her speed, so she creates a dilemma:

If you finish your homework, you won't have time to study independently, and you will be penalized if you don't finish it.

So in the face of this problem, my daughter felt that she was being pulled left and right, and the pressure was huge.

And this state has started since the second year of junior high school, although I am trying to adjust and overcome, but there has been no way to solve it for more than a year.

I can't go to sleep until 12 o'clock every day, not only my daughter is uncomfortable, but my mother is also anxious in her eyes.

Thinking that the child has been sick often since the second semester of the second semester of junior high school, either with stomach pain or sore throat, the mother realized that the child was caused by sleeping late and psychological pressure.

Knowing her daughter's situation, her mother immediately made a decision: "You just relax, if you can't finish your homework, the teacher looks for you, you ask him to come to me, and I'll give you a cover." ”

This may be just a matter of words for adults, but for children, it is a boulder that suddenly moves away from the heart.

The mother didn't just talk about it, and the next day she sent a message to the head teacher, tactfully expressing her request for exemption from her daughter's homework.

However, the class teacher may not feel that it is easy to make an exception, so it is recommended that the child take the initiative to talk to the subject teacher about this matter.

The mother knew that her daughter would not dare to take the initiative to speak, so she asked the head teacher for help and explained to the teachers of each subject.

As a result, there is this "out-of-the-ordinary" application for exemption and exemption of homework.

In this mother's life, she has always been well-behaved and has never come out of the ordinary, but for the sake of her daughter in the third year of junior high school, she has done such an outrageous thing.

Although the mother is also very apprehensive, and even thinks that doing so can be called "deviant", she does not regret supporting her daughter.

There is such a passage in the post, which makes Mi Li's mother very moved to read:

School rules, children are not capable of fighting.

And I, as her mother, was her strong backing, and when she encountered unsolvable difficulties, I chose to stand by her side and give her strength, support and help.

Eventually, the child's homework was waived, but instead of relaxing, she completed the parts that she thought were important before falling asleep in peace.

However, my daughter's words have become more and she has become more smiling, and her illness has also improved.

Seeing such a change, the messages below the post are almost all supportive, but Mi Li's mother also found some quite sad stories.

"My mom would just say, is it that hard to do questions in school? Is the exam that stressful? ”、

"If it were my parents, they would definitely say that everyone else was fine, why can't you!"

Mi Li's mother can understand that when a child encounters difficulties, parents want to use other people's experiences as a comparison to motivate their children to get through the difficulties.

But the problem is that the same mountain has different heights in the eyes of people with different distances.

Every child's situation is different, teachers need a bowl of water to be level, shouldn't parents teach according to their aptitude?

Parents want to see others treat their children well, but in fact, what children need most is the special treatment of their parents, not the "equal treatment" of classmates and friends.

Just like this girl in the third year of junior high school, the burden of homework has been so heavy that she can't breathe, and her serious attitude is even so internal that it affects her health, if her mother doesn't make a move, how can she get through it?

You must know that parents' understanding and support for their children is an umbrella over their heads when they are teenagers, not only to keep out the rain, but also to provide shade for children who are exposed to the sun that will never go away.

The assembly line model can't raise healthy children

Li Liunan, the author of "Mother's Book of Repentance", is the principal of a well-known elementary school in Seoul, South Korea.

seems to be a proof of educational ability, her son in the third year of high school ranks in the top three in the whole school, winning various competition awards, and her daughter is also in the second year of high school in a well-known girls' school.

Therefore, parents also want to stuff their children into the class she leads, and their careers and families are so successful, Li Liunan is not too much to say that he is a winner in life.

However, suddenly one day, my son and daughter refused to go to school, and directly suspended school at home, messing up every day, either playing games or watching movies, and even collapsed and self-harmed.

What made Li Liunan even more desperate was that a pair of children who were once obedient and sensible were disgusted when they saw her at home like a cockroach, and even glared at her viciously:

"I get goosebumps just by hearing my mother's voice, and I feel out of breath when I hear my mother speak, please don't speak, keep your mouth shut! Want to see us die? ”

Hearing such a description, you may think that words such as "white-eyed wolf" and "unworthy descendants" cannot describe the badness of this brother and sister, but the fact is that the reason why they became like this is completely forced by their mother.

Because he consciously has experience in educating children as a teacher, since the two children were born, they have been placed on the "advanced life production line" in his mind by Li Liunan.

When you get home, you touch the TV first, judge how long the child has watched TV, and then blame your head and face;

To participate in the student union election, you must not only repeatedly revise the speech and recite it, but if you make a slight mistake, you will be reprimanded, and if you can't correct it, you can't sleep;

My son wants to sign up for the hip-hop dance club, but no, he must go to the reading club, otherwise he can't write it into his resume to add points, and he rushes directly into the school to find a teacher to modify it without discussing with the child;

My daughter wants to wear the clothes she likes, but no, she doesn't look serious, and she leaves a bad impression on the people around her, so she would rather tear all the clothes apart.

In accordance with the excellent standards in her mind, she pinched out two dolls that met the requirements little by little, and the children beat and scolded if they didn't listen, all the processes were simple and rude, and she only pursued the ultimate efficiency.

Because in her eyes, there is only the ultimate goal of a prestigious school, and there is no need for children.

However, children are not just popsicles that can be poured out of the template by stuffing them, and education is not a simple process.

In order to put his anxiety and treat the child's growth process roughly, Li Liunan also got the child's greatest rebound.

Cultivating children in an assembly-line way is not only a desire to control, but also a proof that parents are lazy.

Even if you are farming, you have to allow the fruit to grow big and small, and if you want to use the easiest way to get a perfect child, it is not only difficult for the child, but also irresponsible.

Some people say that every child has their own flowering period, and we parents should wait for the flowers to bloom.

But Mi Li's mother felt that this was half right.

Every flower is different, some like yang, some like yin, to provide the right environment, the same is true for children, as long as parents are willing to provide the most suitable help according to the child's situation, wouldn't it be faster to grow.

Do you still remember the Peking University professor who had a headache because his daughter was the first-to-last?

He said that he and his wife are both highly educated, and it is impossible to give birth to a stupid child.

But my daughter just can't learn and can't understand, slapping the table, arguing, crying, and almost every day when tutoring homework, she has to stage a round of such dramas.

The children are aggrieved and uncomfortable, and the parents are also miserable.

In the end, he also recognized his daughter's mediocrity and decided to cover up for his daughter.

This kind of "bottom-up" is not to let children learn casually and gnaw at the old in the future, but to teach in the most suitable way for children.

Finding that the child's receptivity and comprehension were poor and needed a lot of time, he rode his bicycle to pick up his daughter from school every day.

On the way, I talked to my daughter about what I learned today, and the father and daughter asked and answered each other, consolidating the knowledge in the classroom again, deepening the impression, writing homework at night, and also providing targeted tutoring.

The "lazy" education method does save effort, but it is not worrying at all.

It's not because the child is clumsy, it's because the parents use an inappropriate template.

Mi Li's mother feels that parents support their children, not only to support him, but more importantly, to find the most suitable solutions with their children, and to provide valuable experience for his next decision-making.

Isn't it the most cost-effective education to support your child and make 100 correct choices once?

Spiritual nurturing is more important than anything else

Do you still remember the disappearance of 15-year-old Hu Xinyu?

A high school student disappeared suddenly, and people speculated whether the child couldn't think about it, but the parents were sure that the child was obedient and sensible, and there was no abnormality, so it was impossible to disappear suddenly, so a lot of manpower and material resources were used to carry out a carpet search.

As a result, the child was indeed overwhelmed by the pressure and chose to end his life in an extreme way.

Mom always believes that the child has excellent grades, and the teachers and classmates in primary and junior high schools like him, and it is impossible not to think about it because of poor grades.

But the fact is that after entering the first year of high school, Hu Xinyu was ranked in the middle and lower reaches of the class in multiple tests, said in his notebook that he could not integrate into the environment, and wrote down the idea of suicide on social media.

The topic of life and death discussed with his classmates was only treated as a joke, and no one knew his inner struggle for life and death.

But in the process, he also sent a distress signal to his family.

Half a month before his disappearance, he called his mother three times a day, crying that he didn't want to study and wanted to go home.

The mother did not understand the deep meaning behind the child's emotions, and although she rushed with her brother to appease him during the eleventh holiday, she never really solved his problem.

Many people say that if a mother knows that her child is on the verge of collapse when he calls, she would rather stop letting him go to school than let him go to school.

Yes, a child's call for help is often able to show abnormalities, but the signal is extremely weak.

So what can we do as parents?

A while ago, a parent-teacher meeting at the High School Affiliated to the Beijing People's Congress gave a standard answer.

The National People's Congress is attached to the top of the six small schools, the Universe Cow School, but the parents' meeting is not about what parents care about, but about the children's inner thoughts.

The National People's Congress conducted an anonymous survey of the children in advance, asking them what they would most like their parents to help them.

It's not studying, it's not material, it's just making something delicious.

When it comes to the way parents want to be involved in learning, the children's opinion is also very unanimous: try not to participate.

"Have a sense of boundaries", "Don't start to control my pace of study", "Don't always call me stupid"......

In just a few sentences, you can see how depressed and painful children are under the control of their parents, but they cannot change the status quo and can only write their hearts in this anonymous survey.

If it weren't for this opportunity, perhaps parents would never have known that their own needs were completely out of line with their children's needs.

What children really need from their parents is precisely the simplest "emotional value".

Children only want their parents to comfort themselves, encourage them when they feel discouraged, and praise them when they make progress.

Compared with the results of an exam, the nourishment of the soul is far more important than anything else.

Unfortunately, many parents understand it too late.

Mi Li's friend Qiu Qiu, a top student in the community, was diagnosed with depression in elementary school and has been suspended from school for two weeks and is now receiving treatment.

Mi Li's mother remembered that every time they met before, he was preoccupied, and she really didn't expect that this child would have an iceberg hidden in his heart.

Mi Li told me: Qiu Qiu is also very good at studying, but unlike the active learner, he doesn't really like to write papers.

Even if he did more papers, he would not be happy, but even if he was sick and suspended from school, Qiu Qiu still thought about writing papers in his mind.

Mi Li's mother couldn't help but sigh:

There is nothing wrong with teaching children to work hard, but children cannot only work hard in their lives, but also need a little inconsequential sweetness to survive the difficulties of life.

A while ago, Mi Li's mother saw a mother, because her daughter in the third year of high school had not shown a smiling face for a long time, so she bought a marshmallow machine online and asked her daughter for a night of self-study.

That night, she and her daughter played with the marshmallow machine for a night, leaving all the books, knowledge, and grades behind, so that the child was completely relaxed.

The next day, the child went to school with a full level of energy, and even more energetic in learning.

Netizens' comments Mi Li's mother agrees:

"If she can get into 985 and 211, it will be not bad for this night, and if she can't pass the test, it will not be bad for this night, but her heart will always remember the happiness and ease brought by this night."

"Persistence" is indeed a reassurance to follow the crowd, but it is not a private order that children want.

Regardless of any educational method, the child's feelings should be considered first, because the most important thing is to let the child grow up mentally healthy.

There is no template for education, each child has his or her own personality, and the responsibility of parents is to explore the best plan for growth with their children in the "exclusive service".

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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