The child who is rebellious is actually the most promising

Boy Pie

2024-05-27 10:23Posted in Anhui parenting field creators

The child's "rebellion" is actually the only way for him to become independent and self-reliant.

A child who dares to rebel is even more praiseworthy, and he should never be labeled as a bad boy by us.

Author | summer

Every time my girlfriend talks about her son, she feels a headache.

She finally asked someone to ask around, and found a particularly difficult piano teacher for her son to try out the lesson, but his son hated learning piano and shouted that he wanted to learn a dynamic drum set.

took her son to the mall, and her son didn't like any of the clothes she chose, and she was clamoring to buy the clothes she chose.

She watched her son tinker for a long time and didn't put together the transformer toy in his hand, and kindly wanted to help, but her son blamed her for being "nosy".

She told her son that Sprite and Coke were delicious together, but her son wanted to mix Sprite and orange juice together.

She said to her son:

"Be humble in school."

儿子却反驳道:

"If I don't show it, how will others know that I'm so good."

My girlfriend often complains to me:

"I gave birth to a son, and I obviously gave birth to a rival for myself."

Looking at my best friend's bitter and hateful appearance, I remembered that Mo Yan once said:

"I adore children who rebel against their parents."

I am also very envious of my best friend for giving birth to a child who is rebellious.

Psychologist Elaine Aronson once said:

"Children who dare to rebel tend to have more self-confidence and self-esteem, which can be very helpful for their future success."

That rebellious child has a hidden excellence that we can't imagine.

Is there a bone or no anti-bone

Determines whether the child has a strong self

Recently, colleagues often worry about their young son at work.

Her youngest son, who is 7 years old, is timid and docile, and he will happily say "yes" to whatever an adult asks him to do.

Even if his beloved toy was snatched by others, he never fought for it, but hid in his mother's arms and cried.

At home, his brother called him like a "little follower", and he never said a word "no".

At school, some classmates deliberately broke his automatic pencil sharpener, took a large box of his newly bought crayons for themselves, and sometimes even asked him to help with his homework.

Even if he is unwilling in his heart, he will still compromise again and again and endure again and again.

At first, my colleagues always thought that this was because the youngest son was docile and kind by nature, so he didn't pay too much attention to it.

Until recently, she found that her youngest son was listless every time he came home, not interested in anything, and did not have any vigor and sunshine that a 7-year-old child should have.

What worries her the most is:

The youngest son always has nightmares when he sleeps at night, sometimes he suddenly screams and wakes himself up, sometimes he cries in his sleep, sometimes he clenches his arms, curls up, and says something in his mouth, but he can't hear it clearly.

She also found that her youngest son didn't know when he had the habit of gnawing his nails, and the thumb and index finger of both hands were gnawed to the point of flesh.

My colleague was so worried that he had to take his youngest son for psychological counseling.

The psychiatrist told a colleague:

"This is a manifestation of the child's inner depression, he may not be as gentle and sensible as you think, but dare not say no, dare not refuse, dare not express his true thoughts."

In fact, the psychologist Piaget said a long time ago:

"From the age of 2, children begin to establish a sense of self.

As soon as there is an awakening of self-awareness, begin to express one's will in the form of resistance and rejection.

It is manifested as not following the advice and instructions of parents, liking to act according to their own wishes, being willful, stubborn, and even beginning to rebel. ”

It can be said that resistance is the nature of children's growth, and it is a way for children to explore themselves and establish themselves.

Whether there is a backbone or not determines whether the child has a strong self.

If a child has always been very well-behaved, does not resist, does not refuse, and does not cause trouble, it is not a good thing, but it can easily cause a series of psychological problems.

is like the rice peach in "Little Will".

She knew that it was not easy for her parents to earn money, so she used the torn, sewn and sewn schoolbag without complaint.

She wanted to go to the gold medal Olympiad class, and when she saw her parents worrying about money, she said against her will:

"I can't do it, I'll work my own, and I'll catch up."

She had a conflict with Huanhuan, her mother enlightened her to learn Huanhuan, and her father scolded her for being a "stuffy gourd" and couldn't be on the stage.

Even though she had tens of millions of grievances in her heart, she could only cry silently, hiding alone and skipping rope to vent.

It wasn't until later that she could no longer bear the pain in her heart, suffered from a severe learning disability, and was forced to suspend her studies.

is like Yuan Wu in "Disappeared Child".

He grew up living according to his mother's wishes.

His mother wouldn't let him make friends, so he only focused on studying and didn't have any friends.

The university and major were picked by his mother for him.

The relationship between the teacher and his classmates was sorted out by his mother.

The situation and dialogue during the blind date were rehearsed by his mother with him in advance.

He is like a marionette, obeying his mother's arrangement for everything, and has no opinion of his own at all.

As a result, as soon as his mother had an accident, his whole world collapsed, he was unemployed, addicted to gambling, gnawed at old age, and lived like a walking corpse.

Wang Zhanjun, president of the Education Science and Technology Research Institute of the Beijing China Relatives Federation, also once said:

"A child's obedience is a sign of educational failure.

For such a child, his best destination is to spend his life in aggrieved and mediocre. ”

Therefore, if you want your child to have a future career, you must help your child forge a strong self-heart.

Only when the child's self-awareness develops better and stronger, can the child build enough self-esteem and self-confidence, have the courage and strength to develop a complete self, and grow up healthier and better.

A child with a backbone

It's easier to succeed in the future

The famous educator Liu Yong often scolded his son who was a "bastard boy".

He asked Liu Xuan to learn Chinese on holidays, pick up pine cones, sweep leaves, and clean gutters under the eaves when he went out to play.

Liu Xuan always talked back to him and did it, thinking that he was looking for something to do.

Once, Liu Yong couldn't bear to ask him:

"Why do you always work against me?"

Liu Xuan said confidently:

"Because I feel like I've grown up and shouldn't have listened to you for everything.

So, you tell me to go left, I'll go to the right, I have my own ideas, I should find where I am. ”

I remember that the German psychologist Heisher once tracked and investigated the behavior of 100 children with a strong sense of resistance and no sense of resistance, and traced it to adolescence and found that:

85% of children who are resilient grow up to be strong-willed and judgmental.

Only 24% of children who do not have a sense of resistance develop strong willpower, and most of them rely on others for their lack of judgment.

In other words:

Children who dare to rebel have a super ego and super willpower are more likely to succeed in the future.

And that's exactly what happened.

Liu Xuan, who rebelled all the way, amazed everyone when he grew up.

Despite his father's opposition, he studied psychology that he liked and became a famous psychologist.

He used the agile thinking he had trained with his father from childhood to adulthood, and became a representative of Taiwan's media people.

He uses his character of not admitting defeat, like to try, and like to challenge, and constantly tries and explores his various possibilities:

Become a well-known advertising creative;

Became the national champion of "I Am a Speaker".

So, stop worrying about that rebellious child.

Behind their rebellion, there is a strong curiosity, a complete and healthy self, a valuable adventurous spirit, a bold sense of challenge and innovation, and an unbeatable high adversity quotient......

They will bring us more unexpected surprises in the process of exploring themselves and the world.

How to deal with your child's "backbone" moments

It is the wisdom of parents that is tested

Carl Rogers once said:

"Parents should encourage their children to express their thoughts and feelings, rather than suppressing their feelings of defiance."

In the process of growing up, children will inevitably have disobedient, back-talking, and contrarian moments, and how to deal with such moments is a test of the wisdom of parents.

1. Listen to your child's rebellion and respect your child's independence and autonomy.

A psychologist once explained that the psychological motivation of a child who loves to "resist" has three layers:

The first layer: he needs to identify with his own value;

The second layer: he wants to get rid of the control and present himself in an independent posture;

The third level: he wants to gain the right to control himself.

All the rebellion of children actually comes from rebellion against bondage and limitations.

Like what:

Your child wants to eat the food in front of him, but you have to ask him to eat the whole table.

If your child wants to play with his homework first, you have to ask him to do his homework immediately.

If your child wants to learn to dance, you have to learn to draw.

The will imposed by the parents becomes the rope that binds the child's heart, and the child can only gain the freedom he wants by desperately breaking free.

So, when the child starts to rebel against us, don't rush to suppress the child roughly.

Try to squat down, listen to the child's "why resist", understand the child's needs, respect the child's wishes, give the child some choice and decision-making power, and the child's hostility towards us will naturally disappear.

2. Accept your child's rebellion and help your child learn how to express himself in a positive way.

I've seen a really powerful mom.

One of the things she said to her daughter the most was: We are friends.

Usually, when her daughter makes a request, she never refuses and judges without thinking.

Even if it is a very ridiculous request, she will respond and discuss it "as one thing" after careful consideration.

She will seriously and calmly find good reasons to convince her daughter to make her point of view.

She has a disagreement with her daughter, and when she has a dispute, if she thinks about it afterwards, she will put down her shelf and take the initiative to admit her mistake to her daughter.

Even when she encounters a very necessary problem, she will not ask her daughter in a commanding tone, but will use "I want to ......" or "I suggest ......" to leave her daughter with autonomy.

Under her influence, her daughter has never confronted her by splashing and rolling, yelling, or deliberately disagreeing.

Instead, actively express your thoughts and feelings, and talk about problem-solving solutions in a thoughtful manner.

Therefore, instead of getting angry because of your child's rebellious anxiety, it is better to accept your child's resistance, encourage your child to speak up about his thoughts and feelings, and work with his child to find the root cause of the problem, so that his child can feel understood and cared for.

Lead by example to help children learn how to express themselves in a positive way and solve problems peacefully in order to achieve their goals.

Hermann Hupfer once said:

"If a child has not resisted, then he has no real childhood."

Rebellion, in the final analysis, is a child's struggle for independence and autonomy.

Therefore, that rebellious child is not deliberately against anyone, but a child who wants to grow up and wants to "live his own life".

In the face of children's "rebellion", we have more acceptance and patience, and children will have more courage and confidence to explore themselves and break through themselves.

It's a good start for all parents.

Because, our children must go through this temporary struggle and pain before they can slowly mature and break out of the cocoon into butterflies.

View original image 59K

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

•