Whether children are filial or not can be known by eating a meal......

New Oriental Family Education

2024-05-27 10:28Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Author: The main creative group Fengzi

Why children are not filial

It's done wrong from the moment you serve it

While chatting with a friend, she talked about her recent troubles.

A few days ago, when she was mopping the floor, she accidentally slipped on the soles of her feet and fell hard, causing her to grin in pain.

At that time, her son was watching a cartoon in the living room, and when he saw that she fell and couldn't get up, he didn't come over to help her or care about it, but glanced at it, and then continued to watch TV.

My friend was angry and cold, and she really wanted to talk about her son, but the tingling sensation in her foot kept coming, and she had to limp out to see a doctor.

After a long time, her son called, but he asked not "how is the injury", but "why haven't you come back yet?" When will I have dinner?"

I know how to eat, I just think about myself, and my friend can't understand why he gave birth to a white-eyed wolf.

But to be honest, I'm not surprised at all that my friend's son behaved like this.

On weekdays, my friend takes care of his son, and no matter what the situation is, he must settle his son's three meals a day.

Moreover, whatever is delicious at home, it is eaten by the son alone.

Every time she was still stir-frying, she asked her son to eat first, and when she came out, the table was already in a mess, and the delicious dishes were also eaten by her son.

Lu Qin, an education expert, once said, "In a family, if the parents put the wrong position at the dinner table, there will be no place for you in the future." ”

Qian Zhiliang, a professor at Beijing Normal University, also said: "Every child cares a lot about what they eat, so a selfish child can be created at the dinner table." ”

There are no natural white-eyed wolves.

Children are not filial and do not feel sorry for their parents, in fact, they are all fed and used to by their parents.

The appearance of the child eating

Hides the most authentic upbringing of children

There is a cloud in the "Book of Rites": "At the beginning of the husband's ceremony, the beginning of the diet. ”

It seems to be a small dining table, but the upbringing of a family is all in it, polite, forbearing, selfish, and sharing...... You can see the clues.

The well-known scholar Ma Weidu once told a story:

A father had dinner with his son and his friends, and after eating, the father said to his son, "You friend, don't make deep friends." ”

The son was very puzzled, and the father explained: "You see that when he picks up the vegetables, he is used to inserting chopsticks into the dishes and turning them over, pulling them twice to pick up his own dishes, and not caring about others at all, this kind of person is very selfish." ”

Later, this friend really betrayed him decisively because of a little benefit, verifying his father's words.

See the character of the food, and see the three views of the table.

If a child is very selfish in front of eating, always picky, ignorant of others, does not know how to share, and does not know the rules, then how likely is it that he will be filial when he grows up?

But in life, many parents always feel that the family does not pay so much attention to eating, not only ignoring table etiquette, but also conniving at their children at the table without a bottom line and giving their children special preferential treatment.

I think of a beef noodle story on the Internet, which is particularly thought-provoking.

A grandmother takes her grandson to a restaurant next to the school to eat noodles every day after picking up her grandson from school.

One person has a bowl of beef noodles, but the grandmother sandwiches her own beef into her grandson's bowl every time, and then watches her grandson eat meat with a loving face.

Once, when my grandmother went to the window to serve noodles, she sandwiched all the beef in her own bowl into her grandson's bowl in advance. The grandson didn't see it, so he yelled for his grandmother to give him the meat.

Grandma repeatedly explained that it had been sandwiched, but the grandson insisted that grandma had stolen the beef. During this time, the boy shouted and rudely pulled his chopsticks into his grandmother's bowl until all the noodles were on the table.

Even so, the boy did not stop abusing his grandmother, but cried louder.

I can't help but think of a sentence: parents love their children too much, and they often raise a child who only loves themselves.

In psychology, there is a word called "a sense of guilt": it refers to the fact that children are accustomed to receiving it, and they will feel that everything is taken for granted.

At the table, if the meals are all according to the child's preferences, the child is always given special care; The delicious food is also eaten by the child first, and the adult himself will be casually satisfied, and the child will "deserve it" and do not know how to be grateful.

On the other hand, if you ignore him a little, he will become dissatisfied and resentful.

Therefore, no matter how young the child is, don't give the child too much indulgence; No matter how small the table is, don't miss the education you deserve.

It's not selfish to want children

These five points of education are indispensable

Every child starts out as just a blank slate.

What kind of education parents give their children, what kind of people children will become in the future.

The small dining table may seem inconspicuous, but it is the best monastery for family education.

A vegetable, a meal, a spoonful and a dish, all of which are humane, not only reflect the conduct of the diner, but also reflect the various states of all living beings.

If parents want to cultivate filial children, they may wish to start from the dining table and set these rules for their children.

1. It is not allowed to treat the family as a hotel

Because there are elders in the family to help take care of the children, the favor of the next generation is usually better.

Ying Caier's family is no exception, for example, Jasper's grandfather immediately cooks whatever he wants.

After being discovered by Ying Caier a few times, she gave Jasper a serious warning: home is not a restaurant, you have to eat what people cook, and you are not allowed to pick and choose from meals.

Yes, treating the home as a restaurant will only make children unconsciously form a sense of privilege, thinking that their needs should be met unconditionally, and thus gradually become selfish and indifferent.

Let the child understand as soon as possible that no matter whether the meal is delicious or appetizing, it is full of the hard work and dedication of the parents, so that the child knows how to be grateful.

2. Do not move chopsticks first

In order to let their children eat hot meals in time, many parents will always ask their children to eat first when the meal is about to be ready, and develop a bad habit of using chopsticks first.

As everyone knows, a few minutes of hunger does not spoil a child, but it can teach a child what respect is.

In her speech, Professor Li Meijin also gave advice to parents:

When a child cries out that he is hungry, parents can tell him that he is hungry but still has to cook, and if he wants to start the meal quickly, he needs to help together.

In addition, if a family member cannot go home for dinner, parents should also take the child to share a clean meal for him in advance.

Although this matter is small, it lets children know that respecting and filial piety to their elders is something that must be done.

3. It is not allowed to put all the good dishes in front of you

Nowadays, the children of many families have been pampered by their families since they were young, and it is normal for them to be treated preferentially and placed in the C position of the family.

But the higher the child's position, the lower the parent's position.

Special care will only nourish the child's selfishness; Blindly spoiling will only give children the illusion of self-esteem.

The best dishes are placed in front of the elders and are the most basic courtesy.

It is also subtly telling children who is the most important person in the family.

4. Don't eat all over the place

The dining table is not only a place to satisfy the appetite, but also a place to show one's own cultivation and quality.

At the dinner table, ignoring the feelings of others, eating loudly, dropping food everywhere, and picking and choosing when picking and choosing dishes, is a manifestation of selfishness and uneducatedness.

Think about it, how can a child who doesn't take other people's feelings into account when he grows up can expect him to put himself in the shoes of others?

Teach your child to take care of himself and others, so that he can understand self-esteem and respect for others.

5. It is not allowed to wipe your mouth and leave after eating

Before, I felt a little sick to my stomach, so I asked my daughter to clean up the table after eating.

As a result, my daughter actually said to me, "I can help you clean up the dishes and chopsticks, but you want to show me an episode of TV." ”

What do you mean to help me? Is the housework my business alone?

In order to give my daughter more time to study, I once took care of everything and didn't let her do a little housework and do a little work, but I took it for granted.

After realizing my mistake, I insisted that my daughter clean up the dishes and garbage after meals every day.

So that her daughter understands that she is a member of the family, and she is obliged to do any housework.

With more practice and more experience, children can see the hard work of their parents, experience the hardships of their parents, and learn to be grateful in their labor and dedication.

Raise a child who has others in mind

is the greatest blessing for parents

I saw a heartwarming video.

The family ate out, and the restaurant served Dad's noodles first, and the little grandson saw that Grandpa's noodles were not ready, so he moved Dad's noodles to Grandpa, and then carefully wiped the chopsticks and let Grandpa eat first.

There is also a little girl, although her mother filled her with a plate of shrimp, but she put the peeled first, second, third, and fourth shrimp in her mother's bowl first, saying that she wanted to share and eat.

I can't help but think of what Zeng Shiqiang, a master of Chinese culture, said: "The best education is not to let children become geniuses, but to let them have parents in their hearts." ”

I think so.

Raising children, of course, has a lot of important educational content that needs to be spent on it.

But the most important, and most basic education, is to let children have parents and others in their hearts.

As writer Bi Shumin said:

"Parents in the world, if you love your child, you must let him start to love you and the people around him when he can.

This is not the selfishness of adults, but the foresight of thinking about the child's life. ”

As parents, we don't want our children to reciprocate, but having a child who is grateful and can care for and love the people around him from the bottom of his heart is the greatest blessing in his parents' life.

Moreover, the child's understanding and upbringing, humility and politeness will also become his own lifelong wealth.

Therefore, don't just use the dining table as a place to fill your stomach, but as a "training ground" for children's character cultivation.

Click "watching", I hope that parents can educate their children well at the dinner table and raise a good child who is cultivated and grateful.

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