Among the clients who come to seek psychological counseling, there are many who seek intimate relationship issues, some have difficulty establishing a relationship with the opposite sex, some are always very anxious in intimate relationships, and some are cheating and being cheated in marriage......
Simple Psychology Uni counted the client's distress about intimate relationship issues, and the top five distresses were: partner communication/conflict, low sense of security, distress caused by falling out of love, psychological distress related to relationship change/infidelity, and psychological distress caused by older singles.
Photo/"2021-2022 Public Mental Health Insight Report"
The underlying reasons behind these various emotional confusions and dilemmas all point to the attachment patterns that each person has formed through interactions with their caregivers during infancy and childhood.
Cases
One client came to counseling because of a distressed intimacy, and she told her counselor this:
I have a boyfriend who is confusing.
He often chooses to run away when I want to be closer to him, such as inviting him home to play, which he doesn't want to; When I wanted to bring my friend to him, he would say, 'That's your friend, and I don't know him well.'"
He always said that when it comes to falling in love, you should also have enough personal space and not get involved in each other's lives and friends, and I feel very embarrassed for this.
However, sometimes he is very nice to me, especially at work, and he is willing to help me with everything, but when I say thank you to him and try to get close to him, he immediately becomes very strange and starts to change the subject and break up unhappily!
"Why do you fall in love with me when you like to be independent so much?" I asked him.
"I think the two of us are a good fit, I take good care of you, don't I?" I think that's what he's asking.
What should I do?
The behavior of the man in this case is, in the view of attachment theory, the embodiment of typical avoidant attachment.
People with avoidant attachment often feel uncomfortable in intimate relationships, they are reluctant to rely on others, and they are reluctant to show affection.
This may have something to do with the "insecure" attachment patterns they received growing up, where everyone is born to be loved and cared for, and if they are often ignored and not loved when they are in need, people will gradually develop the belief that 'I don't need anyone else' to protect themselves because they are afraid that they will be ignored and hurt again when they show their need.
That is, it is not that people with avoidant attachment do not need love, but that they do not have the ability to trust love.
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01
How do attachment patterns affect intimacy?
The attachment theory was developed by the psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby.
Attachment is generally defined as a special emotional relationship between an infant and his or her caregiver. It arises from the interaction between the infant and his or her parents, and is an emotional bond and bond that provides security and comfort to the individual.
The attachment relationship between infants and their parents lays the foundation for a series of behavioral models such as attachment strategies and interpersonal relationships, self-outlook and other-outlook in adulthood.
Photo source/Unsplash
Studies have shown that there are some similarities between the patterns of interaction between partners and between infants and caregivers in early childhood:
- Both parties feel safe when the other person is nearby and responsive;
- There are intimate physical interactions;
- When the other party is unable to approach, both parties feel unsafe;
- Share with each other, show fascination and concern for each other;
- are all involved in "baby talk", such as baby, baby, etc.
Therefore, the attachment patterns that arise in an individual's interactions with parents in early childhood directly affect an individual's expectations of their parents, their attitudes towards themselves, and their subconscious beliefs. This effect extends to the individual's future partner, work relationships, and other interactions, especially in times of stress.
For example:
If in your past interactions with your parents, when you are depressed, your parents are emotionally concerned and supportive, then you will develop a secure attachment, and when you experience depression again in the future, you will have the expectation and belief that "my parents will care about and support me, that I am valued and worthy of love".
In the future relationship with my partner, I will also have the expectation and belief that "if I am depressed, then my partner can support me".
If your parents are always ignoring, rejecting, and denying your needs, you will suppress your feelings, and you will have the belief that you are "not allowed", "unloved", or "not worthy of love", and this belief will extend to the relationship, which will lead to you feeling uneasy if your partner does not meet your expectations.
Similar situations can also be seen in relationships such as study and work:
- In school, children with secure attachment will do well because learning is also an exploratory behavior. He doesn't need to spend energy on confirming safety. Children who are insecurely attached will constantly cause trouble to attract the attention of teachers, classmates, or parents;
- At work, the leader may be seen as an attachment object, and people with secure attachment will actively seek help when they encounter difficulties, and people with insecure attachment will choose to "die" or "jump like thunder".
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02
How does a counselor cope with the client's attachment issues?
After 50 years of development, attachment theory has undoubtedly become one of the most influential theoretical frameworks in the social and behavioral sciences.
Since the introduction of attachment theory, the scope of research covered by it has expanded rapidly to include:
- Psychological representations of attachment related to security and insecurity
- The impact of attachment on clinical interventions
- The shaping of personality and relational function by early attachment
It is important for the clinical counselor to identify the patient's attachment structure and explore how these attachments relate to disease symptoms, emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and the counseling process:
1. Identify and understand the client's attachment styles and experiences, and help the client understand their own emotional needs and behavior patterns.
2. Explore the client's early intimate relationship experiences to help the client understand their own emotional responses and difficulties in the intimate relationship.
3. Help clients develop healthier intimacy behaviors and skills to improve their intimacy and emotional well-being.
4. Improve the client's emotional well-being by establishing a safe counseling relationship to help the client improve their sense of self-worth and emotional regulation.
Counselors need to pay attention to two points when facing the attachment issues of the client:
A secure counseling relationship can help rebuild secure attachment
John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, believes that the role of a counselor is similar to that of a mother, and it needs to create a safe base for the client, so attachment theory is a necessary theory that every counselor needs to master.
Visiting the Attachment Counselor, idealizing the Counselor into a more intelligent person, the Counselor allows the Visitor to be idealized, with the aim of establishing the part of the Visitor's inner security.
Counselors should learn to gain insight into the client's attachment patterns and help the client rebuild a secure attachment relationship, so that they can develop their potential to love, feel and reflect freely, and greatly reduce the dropout rate.
It is also important for the counselor to overcome the problem of self-attachment
Attachment theory is applicable to almost all fields of psychological counseling, whether in academic theory or clinical counseling attachment plays a pivotal role, almost all schools of psychology need to integrate attachment theory, and in reality, from "intimate relationship" and "mobile phone addiction" to "counseling relationship", are closely related to the formation of attachment.
But the counselor is also a living person, and when the self-growth has not reached a certain level, it may also fall back into the traumatic experience of the past because of the attachment pattern without realizing it.
- How can a counselor overcome the effects of his or her own attachment patterns?
- How to create a healthy attachment relationship?
- How can we help clients address their own influence from attachment patterns?
These questions are difficult and challenging!
Simple Psychology Uni invited Dr. Cheri L. Marmarosh, former president of the APA Group Counseling Branch in the United States, to give a special course on "Clinical Practice of Attachment Theory".
Covering cutting-edge theories + application scenarios + assessment tools + clinical cases, we create a super complete curriculum system to help you quickly master the core knowledge points of attachment theory.
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03
What kind of course is it?
This course can be said to be a systematic course of "coexistence of theory and application, professional but not too serious"!
This course will help you understand the important role of attachment in personal growth and personality formation, from the origins of attachment theory to cutting-edge empirical research. It also analyzes the role of attachment in counseling relationships, interpersonal relationships, and intimate relationships, helping you better understand why counseling can lead to individual change.
In order to provide professional theoretical and technical support for counselors in real work scenarios, the teacher will also introduce practical assessment tools to help you identify problems efficiently and accurately, improve awareness, and effectively promote changes in clients.
What does the course learn?
This course consists of three teaching objectives and five teaching modules, which will take you to get started with the system.
Objective 1: How to apply attachment theory to assess clients, how to use attachment to help diagnose clients with attachment difficulties, and how to help counselors prepare for intervention in such visits; Goal 2: Apply attachment theory to individual, partner, and even group counseling; Goal 3: To help the counsellor understand his or her attachment pattern and how it affects you and your client's counselling efforts.
The five teaching modules are:
Module 1: Focusing on Attachment Theory. Adult attachment is brought into account by attachment-related research, and the types and important roles of adult attachment are described. Module 2: Testing of attachment styles. How to choose different attachment test scales in counseling? How can adult attachment be assessed by interpreting these scales? Module 3: How Attachment Theory Works in Individual Counselling and Couple Counselling. Module IV: Interventions for Insecure Attachment and Related Disorders. Module 5: Attachment in Group Counselling.
As a result, the course covers a wide range of topics, from individuals to groups, from theories to methods, to related tools.
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Cheri L. Marmarosh博士倾囊相授
Authority has always been an important criterion for us to determine the selection of teachers!
Dr. Cheri L. Marmarosh has been a full-time professor in the Professional Psychology Program at George Washington University for more than 17 years, where he has studied the relationship between coping with attachment and oppression, counseling the breakdown and repair of alliances, and the effectiveness of individual and group counseling.
She is also interested in how group and individual counselling can promote change and the application of attachment to it. As a professional book in the field Chinese of attachment, he has not only been recommended by the Group Psychological Counseling Committee of the Chinese Mental Health Association, but also highly recommended by many domestic celebrities.
Arguably, Dr. Cheri L. Marmarosh is a leader in the field of attachment. Studying with Dr. Cheri L. Marmarosh is sure you'll be at the forefront of your knowledge.
What else does the course service offer?
- Homework + teaching assistant Q&A to ensure your learning effect
- Class-based community, exclusive learning discussion area, team progress so that you are no longer lonely in learning
- Bilingual video + Chinese text + Chinese audio to support your learning progress
- A certificate of completion to record your time of study
With a full range of supporting services and abundant learning resources, we sincerely look forward to this course to help you open up another perspective in your work or life, illuminating every corner.
Special Topics in Clinical Practice of Attachment Theory
The former president of the APA Group Counseling Branch of the American Psychological Association personally taught cutting-edge theories + multi-scenario applications + assessment tools + case analysis