Hello everyone, I'm a cute mom!
01
A late-night circle of friends
"My son hasn't contacted me for 10 days, should I give him a call?" In the early morning, I swiped a circle of friends of Sister Mei, and the last word "sorrow" expressed all the entanglements in my heart.
This circle of friends has blown up a lot of friends who haven't fallen asleep yet.
In addition to expressing concern, there are also opinions, and there is a direct reply, if it is your own baby, you haven't contacted yourself for so long, it can't be bearable.
Sister Mei, who posted on Moments, is a former colleague of mine who gets along well.
In order to take care of her children, she gave up her job with a monthly salary of 6,000 and devoted herself to her children, becoming a full-time mother who cares about learning, education and life.
The last time I chatted with Sister Mei about the recent situation in WeChat, she said that she spent the most time with her children at home, and she thought that the person who had the heaviest weight in the hearts of her children would also be herself.
But the older the child gets, the more he finds that the most impatient to listen to his mother is what he says, and the mother is the one he is most reluctant to tell when there is something.
When it was the second year of junior high school, the school could apply for accommodation, and before discussing it with Sister Mei, the child directly informed his mother that he wanted to live in the school.
After turning on the boarding mode, when I went home on the weekend, the relationship between the mother and son seemed to have eased a little.
But mothers always want to care more about their sons, so they inevitably ask and advise, get along for a few more hours, and the parent-child relationship returns to the freezing point.
Sister Mei always wants to see her son all the time, but her son likes to hide in the room the most.
The son is not "close" to herself, in Sister Mei's opinion, it is a heart-digging thing, she said that this makes her lost, and she begins to become cautious when getting along with the child, even if her son really "can't pull it back" one day.
This circle of friends probably had a conflict with his son again, but he didn't dare to ask.
This is not a mother's problem, and some mothers even describe that their relationship with their growing children is like a humble old minister: he always wants to say a few words, but he is always afraid of saying too much.
02
Why don't children kiss their mothers when they grow up?
The scene of chickens flying and dogs jumping when children grow up is becoming more and more intense in some families, and although there are fewer and fewer families, the harmony of mother and son filial piety does not seem to come.
Parents get a new experience – coldness in their children's language and attitudes.
The child who was still coquettish after being disciplined and had grievances and threw himself directly into his arms suddenly disappeared.
Why do children stop being with their parents when they grow up? There are three truths behind it.
1. There are emotions hidden in the company, and the child goes from observing words and emotions to wanting to escape.
When I was a child, I chased you behind and talked nonsense without stopping, but now I always like to avoid your gaze?
You may have overlooked this point: in your daily relationship with your child, every time you are impatient and frowning, your child has quietly captured and remembered it bit by bit.
When you start to take raising children as a job and accompany children as a task;
The joy in the process cannot be felt;
Sighs are on the lips, anxiety is often in words and behaviors, and the ups and downs of mood swings will also affect children.
In the company of long-term negative emotions, children learn to observe words and looks.
In order not to irritate their parents' emotions, they learned to shut up, protect themselves from harm, and turn fleeing into an instinctive reaction.
2. Ignoring the emotional needs of the child and rarely providing emotional value.
We often think that children don't understand anything, and as long as parents feel that they are loving their children (in whatever form), they are meeting their emotional needs.
But children are also independent individuals, and they are the ones who send out their needs.
What your parents give may not be exactly what they desire, what they desire, have you really seen it with a flat eye?
When your child is excited to share an interesting story about school with you, or when he is sad and longs for a hug, you say, "I'm busy?", "What's there to cry about?" "In response.
Such a disregard for emotional needs will lead to a lack of emotional value in children's growth.
The lack of emotional value is the ruthless hand that pushes away the child.
When the mother needs the child to respond, the child only learns to deal with the parent-child relationship with the same attitude.
3. Impose a lot of adult ideas, constantly make demands on children, but have no sense of boundaries.
The words "for your own good" sound familiar, right?
Today's young people are very resistant to these three words, but when we become parents, we often unconsciously impose our own expectations on our children.
I want to pave every step of the way for my child, but I forgot to ask, is this what you want?
We prescribe a lot of things for our child that he can't do, or that he needs to do.
But in many things that should be thought about or carried out by them, they also interfere too much, which becomes love without boundaries.
The mother's "crossover" makes the child dilemma between pursuing himself and satisfying the wishes of his parents.
Epilogue:
The distance between parents and children should be the closest, but sometimes the distance between the hearts becomes the farthest.
The distance between parents and children is often not a physical distance, but a psychological estrangement.
Today's topic:
Are your children growing closer or farther away from you?
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