Teacher Zheng Wei's foreword
There are also a lot of divorced students in Love & Happiness, and I have asked them this question.
You learn in love and happiness, change yourself, help others, you can treat many students with love, treat many strangers, and even when you meet beggars on the street, you are willing to lend a hand and love them, why are you full of annoyance and resentment towards your former lover?
In fact, for divorced people, the phrase "love more when divorced" will guide you to seek true happiness and meaning in life.
Love should not be so narrow, the love of men and women should be based on the love of life to bloom the most beautiful flowers, marriage will become the fertile soil of love rather than the grave, too many people are obsessed with the illusion of love and have not learned to treat the compassion and awe of life, resulting in the failure of marriage and family and the pain of children, the far-reaching meaning of marriage itself is that two lives together see each other and practice each other, when we fail to wake up and realize in marriage, we must wake up and realize after divorce, In fact, treating a former lover with resentment or deep resentment hurts yourself and your children.
Treating your ex-wife and ex-husband as a mirror that can reflect the most authentic you, and treating your ex-wife and ex-husband as spiritual companions allows you to diligently search for happiness.
I said the above words to XY in Chiang Mai, she took an important step, and I want to send this article today to cheer XY up, and then to love the life of myself and my ex-husband, and secondly, I also hope that more divorced people will see the short text above.
Divorced, you can still love
——Record My Own Historic Events(2017.11.19)
Love & Happiness Trainee XY
Last Thursday, I thought that my ex-husband was running errands in my city for a few days, and I struggled all day whether to ask him out to meet alone.
Friday was ruthless, about, although I was not in a mood at the time, but my heart was not very blocked. As a result, when I sent him WeChat, he hadn't come yet.
I rejoiced in my heart, great, let me escape for a while! On Saturday morning, people sent a WeChat message saying that they would eat together at noon, so they had to agree to it.
At that time, I was like a deflated ball, with low energy and no energy (I used to puff up enough energy to resolve our former relationship, but after relaxing, I vented, and I couldn't puff up anymore).
We had hot pot at a Mongolian mutton restaurant.
When I ordered the food, no one spoke, and I thought to myself, I'd better wait until the food is served, so as not to be interrupted.
At that time, I thought to myself why this person on the other side was so strange! Thinking of what Mr. Zheng said, friendship with affection is hurt, and friendship with heart can become long-lasting. Well, from today onwards, I will break off my relationship with him and have fellowship with my heart.
When the food was served, I thought again, let's eat some first, save the waste of food.
Halfway through it, I thought, eat some more, and I'll talk about it until I'm almost there.
During this period, he said: How lazy and lazy is his son playing military boxing at school.
I said, "Why do you think he's lazy?" He said, "No, he's not as energetic as other kids!" I don't speak.
Later, he said: The summary of his son's trip to the snow mountain seems to be written very casually.
I lowered my head and ate hard, didn't speak, and then went to the bathroom to wash my hands and scolded him fiercely in my heart: You are not as good as my son, why do you say my son.
I'm upset but not angry, well, it seems that I can talk to him peacefully for a while!
Returning to my seat, I wanted to open my mouth to speak, but found that I couldn't.
If you can't say it, you can continue to eat, and after eating it, you want to try it again, but you still can't speak.
At this time, I thought of the situation when HW asked everyone for gifts in Qing, and it was really difficult to speak, although the words were in my heart, I just couldn't open my mouth.
I struggled like this ten times and eight times, but I still forced myself to speak: "How is your family?" ”
He replied: "Dad went back to the countryside to start a house, and wanted Uncle to live, but Uncle didn't live, and then Dad was very depressed. ”
While I was waiting for him to continue, he asked me, "How are you?" This was what I thought of opening the topic to ask him, but for some reason the tears kept flowing, and I couldn't stop printing them with a tissue, and I thought to myself: yes, how am I? Say I'm fine? Or am I getting better? What's the use of saying that? The tears continued to flow, and after a long while, the tears stopped.
I opened my mouth with difficulty, crying as I spoke: "I have been working for 22 years, and if it goes well, I can apply for early retirement in another 8 years." But maybe I won't be able to retire and maybe I'll quit one day. ”
Surprised, he asked, "Why?" I replied, "It's boring, it's a waste of life." ”
I continued, "But I'm not going to be bored, maybe I'll run around the country, or I'll live the life I want in a village."
In the past two years, I have been to many places, places that I had never thought of before, some places I went to several times a year, some people saw several times a year, more than relatives.
My son has been to the Gobi and the snow-capped mountains, but I haven't been there yet, and I will go there in the future, and there are many, many places I want to go.
The past two years have been really free, and the feeling of pulling a suitcase and carrying a backpack and saying that I just go, not knowing what the place to go is like, and not knowing where I will be tomorrow is really cool.
I never thought about why I came into this world and why I lived. Now seeing my son so small and happy when he was young, and then going through so much pain to get to where he is today, I feel that life is really magical. ”
I kept looking down at the bowl or glancing out the window, but I just didn't want to look at him.
I asked him, "Do you remember a time when my son used to ask me: Mom, do you love me?" Do you remember? He nodded.
Me: "At that time, I was in love with me, but I was actually very annoyed with him in my heart, thinking why did he keep asking, what did he want to ask?" Now I realize that he was actually reminding me that I didn't know how to love him at all. I didn't even consider his feelings when I decided to divorce, but he has been meeting my psychological needs, even if I wanted to divorce, he supported me and stayed with me.
Do you know, when I moved my son's household registration, I thought about changing his surname, but he didn't agree, so I tore up all the photos of our family, and I didn't leave any of them for him. ”
By this time, I was crying so much that I couldn't speak.
He said: "We will take pictures again in the future, and my son is not as resistant to taking pictures as he used to be. ”
I calmed down and said, "I remember you asked once if I loved you. What I said was: I'm going to think about it.
I'm going to think about whether it's worth it.
At that time, I thought you only knew how to make money, you didn't know what we wanted, and you didn't really care about how we felt.
I feel like I give more than you do, I care more about your son than you do, and you don't care about your son even when you're divorced.
This time I went to Chiang Mai, I saw my selfishness, in fact, I have never considered your feelings and needs, I don't care if you want to leave, I don't consider my son's feelings, I only care about my own feelings, I feel that I am gone, I don't have to face the pain. (I finally say everything I want to say)
Later, my ex-husband said some of the passivity and helplessness that he had come to step by step, and also said that he was not and had no choice, and even said that I was good. I know what to believe and what to explain, but I already feel that it doesn't matter, he can say whatever he wants!
Finally, I concluded: "I can say these words in my heart today because I want you to have a good life in the future, I want your parents to accept you again, and I want your younger brothers and sisters to have a good time."
In the past, it was a group of people who couldn't love each other and hurt each other, and in the end, it was the children who hurt the most. Time is gone, none of us can go back to the past, we can only live every day in the future, we can live well, in order to reassure our son.
In fact, looking back, I have to thank this divorce, otherwise I would not have entered into love and happiness, in the words of Mr. Zheng, we can be relatives in the future.
When my ex-husband explained, a thought flashed in my heart: women really have to learn to be great, and sometimes you can't think about being great. (Hopefully nothing greater!) ）
After this meeting, I felt a lot more relaxed inside. Even after I came back from Chiang Mai, I sometimes think of what Mr. Zheng said about being a great woman, but I still feel that I can't do it, and I feel that I have to do it hard, and I feel that I have a feeling of blockage in my heart.
After meeting, it turned out that the "why is this happening?" in my heart? "Why did you know today?" It's gone, I don't want to ask why, I don't have any grudges anymore. (Recording this at the moment, there are no more tears.) ）
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