#头条创作挑战赛#
As the old saying goes, treating others with kindness is not only a demonstration of moral sentiment, but also a manifestation of wisdom.
However, in real life, many people are too friendly and not good at refusing, which often makes them suffer from internal friction.
In the face of this situation, it may be wiser to change your thinking and see yourself as the "villain in the play": temper your strength that should not be underestimated, cultivate undisturbed emotional resilience, stick to the belief of walking alone, and embrace the courage not to be bound by labels.
Instead of indulging in excessive empathy and self-sacrifice for others, it is better to learn to affirm oneself and reduce unnecessary self-blame.
To be your own "villain" means having the power to say "no", knowing where the boundaries are, and at the same time sticking to your true self in solitude and having the courage to break through the framework set by the outside world.
It's not easy to mess with: with its own edge, live a hot life
On the broad stage of interpersonal relationships, many people tend to show their amiable and friendly side, believing that by pandering and pleasing them, they can win a wide range of favors.
However, the reality often reveals a cold truth: instead of winning sincerity, unconditional giving can be taken for granted, devaluing sincerity and losing its due weight.
A classic line from the movie "The Godfather" profoundly expresses this reality: "Tenderness without boundaries will only encourage others to gain an inch; Compassion without principles is acquiescence to the unbridled behavior of others. ”
This reminds us that excessive accommodation and flattery are actually reducing our own value and making it difficult to build a truly deep interpersonal bond.
Therefore, learning to integrate a resolute attitude into kindness is the key to resisting the grinds of life and maintaining self-dignity.
As the story of the talented girl Su Qing revealed: she sacrificed her studies for the family, married early and devoted herself to family life, but was coldly treated by her husband because she gave birth to four daughters in a row.
She had naively imagined that through endless virtuousness, she would eventually give birth to a boy and win back her husband's favor. However, even if the wish came true, the husband's indifference remained.
Far from being sympathetic, her submissiveness prompted her husband to cross the line of loyalty.
Ten years of patience only reaped profound pain and awakening. When the disillusionment of love makes her face the trampling of her dignity, her inner strength is completely aroused.
Su Qing resolutely ended this painful marriage and turned to devote herself to the writing of her beloved, and the advent of "Ten Years of Marriage" not only won widespread praise, but also made her shine in the Shanghai literary scene, completing the gorgeous transformation from a housewife to a rising star in the literary world.
As Yu Hua said in "Shouting in the Drizzle": "When the world faces our boldness and firmness, it seems to have learned to be gentle and respectful." ”
Life is a game of intertwined rules, and revealing one's bottom line and principles in a timely manner is not only a smart game strategy, but also a persistence and defense of self-worth.
Therefore, instead of being bound to the eyes of others and losing your freedom and true self, it is better to put on the armor of "not to be taken lightly", protect the inner territory, live your own life, and win the tenderness of the world.
No internal friction: neither humble nor arrogant, get out of the emotional trap
"Within-one personality" is a term that describes people who are constantly struggling with energy consumption in the depths of their psyche.
Such people are often mired in over-reflection, wandering in endless fluctuations and anxieties, even though most of their worries end up in false alarms.
There is a cartoon in which the image of the "internal friction heroine" is vivid and memorable.
The inadvertent frown of her boss during the work report was enough to make her heart surge and question whether something was wrong.
At the milk tea gathering in the afternoon, because she was not invited immediately, she quickly built an inner theater that was rejected by the team.
What's more, when she saw her regular tasks handed over to her new colleagues, her first reaction was self-denial, believing that it was a sign of her own incompetence.
These small but heavy burdens piled up in her heart day after day, gradually eroding her enthusiasm and vitality for work.
Ironically, the reality is very different from what she imagined:
The frown of the boss is nothing more than a natural reaction to facial discomfort;
Colleagues later warmly invited her to a hot pot feast, but the omission of milk tea was purely unintentional;
The handover is really about making room for her upcoming promotions and more challenging responsibilities.
The characteristic of internal friction is that they tend to magnify and misinterpret every subtle action of the people around them, weaving a drama of inner monologues, and in the end, these endless thoughts build an invisible psychological mountain, oppressing every nerve in them.
The key to getting rid of this burden is to learn to release the trivial things that don't matter.
Just like cleaning the computer cache on a regular basis, so that the mind can travel lightly, we can have more space and energy to embrace that more comfortable and true self.
Unsociable: Stick to yourself and no longer follow the crowd
There is such a hot question on Zhihu that makes people think deeply: why has socialization become a heavy burden in the adult world?
A highly praised answer hit the nail on the head: the root is that we are always seeking the approval of others, and for this reason we do not hesitate to sacrifice ourselves, play an unfamiliar role, and just want to win the laughter of others.
Digging deeper, we are always wandering between endless concessions and conformities, pretending to fit into those circles that may not really belong to us.
Unfortunately, this kind of compromise is often exchanged for the emptiness of the soul and the blurring of self-worth.
mentioning this, it can't help but remind people of the talk show star Li Xueqin's heartfelt sharing in the variety show "Wilderness Talks".
Reminiscing about an internship in her early years, she recounted an episode in the office culture where colleagues used to make a single coffee together.
For Li Xueqin at that time, the daily income of only 50 yuan was particularly precious.
Joining the coffee order means that the day's efforts are almost in vain;
On the contrary, they are worried about being labeled as "unsocial".
Between these two dilemmas, she often chooses to go against her original intention and go with the flow, just for that superficial harmony.
In fact, isn't such a scene a daily portrayal of most people?
We are so often torn between "avoiding embarrassment" and "craving acceptance" that we make choices that we don't really want.
But life belongs to you after all, and it shouldn't be a play for the audience.
Instead of exhausting your efforts to cater to every group and trying to win everyone's heart, it is better to be brave and be yourself, become a unique being, take back the initiative in life, and live your own wonderful version.
Undefined: Break free and be your own protagonist
An online survey revealed one of life's top five regrets: Many people look back and wish they had given their dreams a go, rather than living in the expectations of others.
Indeed, if you only cater to others in your life, you will inevitably leave a chapter of regret.
The spirit of the villain, here, is the power to resist the shackles of the outside world, the courage to pursue oneself, the fearlessness of worldly vision, and the wholehearted self to become the ideal self.
In a certain exchange and sharing with the author of the book "Tearing Down the Walls in the Mind", Mr. Classical asked such a question: Imagine a person holding a water glass, what do you think is the best action for him next?
The audience answered a wide range of answers, ranging from water replenishment and sharing to strategic water use.
And the classical teacher said with a smile: "The most important thing for a person holding a water cup should do is to do whatever he wants, because it has nothing to do with the water cup." ”
Deep down, we may all have a "water glass" that is not easy to detect but often puts us in trouble - that is a kind of thinking misunderstanding. It is like an invisible wall, obscuring the true self and making the path of life more and more cramped.
The lines in the movie "Black Swan" are deafening: "The only one who stands in your way is yourself." ”
In fact, many times it is not external conditions or personal abilities that limit us, but deep-rooted ways of thinking.
Only by changing our thinking and tearing down the walls of our hearts can we solve difficult problems and open up the road of life.
Embracing the "villain" mentality is not advocating evil deeds, but having the courage to face challenges and tempering tenacity.
There is such a sentence that deeply affects people's hearts: "Carving life into what you want in your heart is the highest state of life." "
A real powerhouse, good at using the wisdom of the "villain" and devoting himself to every moment of life.
Praise for this article, I hope you and I can grasp the beauty of life and grasp the key to the joy and freedom of the soul.