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I'm Xiaohua, a 27-year-old white-collar worker. At home, I was an only child, and my parents gave me the best education since I was a child, and tried their best to make me live a good life. They have always been very supportive, no matter what decisions I make, even when it comes to getting married.
My girlfriend, Xiaoli, I met at work. She is a beautiful and generous girl, and she talks with wisdom. We have been in love for two years, and our relationship has always been very good, and our family is very supportive of us together. My parents especially like Xiaoli, think she is a kind and good girl, and are very warm to her. Xiaoli's parents are also very satisfied with me, and they feel that everything is going well.
We decided to get married and started planning for the wedding. According to the custom of the family, there should be a "disembarkation ceremony" when the bride gets married, that is, when the bride gets married, the man must give her a sum of money, which symbolizes respect for her and the importance of marriage. This was originally a common custom, and everyone agreed. However, Xiaoli suddenly opened her mouth and said that her parents wanted the "getting off ceremony" to be 80,000 yuan.
I was stunned at the time, 80,000? This is not a small amount. Although my parents are usually very generous, this suddenly has to take out 80,000 yuan, and everyone has to weigh it. I went back and told my parents about it, and they thought it was incredible. My mother frowned and asked, "Where did the 80,000 come from?" I've never heard of this number before. ”
I tried to explain: "Maybe Xiaoli's parents mean that they want to make the wedding more decent." ”
My mother sighed and waved her hand: "Anyway, 80,000 yuan is not a small amount." It's not that our family is reluctant to give, but it doesn't feel like a drop-off salute, more like a bargain. ”
My dad was calmer, and he patted me on the shoulder: "Son, what do you think of yourself?" Is that too much for you? If you think it's reasonable, we won't object to it. ”
I thought about it for a while and felt that 80,000 was indeed a bit much, but I didn't want to embarrass Xiaoli. After all, marriage is a matter for the two of us, and I don't want to ruin this relationship because of money. I tried to communicate with Xiaoli, hoping that she would understand my situation.
Xiaoli's face was a little gloomy after hearing this: "This is what my parents mean, they think that 80,000 yuan is the most basic, are your parents unwilling to give this money?" ”
I explained, "It's not that I don't want to give, it's just that it's a bit difficult to ask for so much all of a sudden." We can discuss it and see if we can have less. ”
Xiaoli shook her head: "No less, this is a request given by my parents, and they feel that this is a sign of respect for me." ”
I was in a dilemma, I love Xiaoli, but I don't want to embarrass my parents. I tried to communicate with my parents and see what they thought. My mother was very angry at first, she felt that it was not about feelings, but about business, and felt that Xiaoli's family was too snobbish. But my dad advised her to calm down, saying that it still depends on Xiaoli's attitude and not to let the wedding become a war.
I returned to the company, thought about it for a long time, and felt that I should talk to Xiaoli again. I told her what my parents thought, hoping that she would understand, after all, the wedding was a matter for the two of us, and parents on both sides should respect each other. But Xiaoli's attitude seems to be getting more and more resolute, she said that this is her parents' bottom line, and if she can't reach it, she is unwilling to get married.
It made me so hard that I didn't know what to do. I love Xiaoli a lot, but I don't want the wedding to be so complicated. Our relationship was put to the test. What can I do to maintain family harmony without hurting the relationship between me and Xiaoli? This question bothers me.
When I got home, I talked to my parents for a long time. My mom was a little angry in her heart, she thought that marriage should not be held hostage by such a sum of money. My dad was calmer, he told me not to worry, and suggested that I talk to Xiaoli again to see if there was room for turnaround. After all, everyone is an adult and should be able to communicate well to solve problems.
The next night, I made an appointment to meet Xiaoli at a café. She didn't seem to be in a good mood and looked worried. I ordered two cups of coffee, and once I sat down, I tried to steer the conversation to the wedding, hoping that she would understand my position.
"Xiaoli, it's not that my parents are reluctant to give a gift to get off the car," I said gently, "It's just that 80,000 yuan is suddenly proposed, which is really a bit high." Can you talk to your parents again and see if there's another way? ”
She took a sip of coffee and frowned: "It's not my decision, it's my parents' decision." I don't want to embarrass you, but my parents insist on 80,000, and they say it's a family tradition. ”
"Tradition?" I was a little confused, "I've never heard of this number being traditional." Xiaoli, I think marriage is a matter of two people, and we shouldn't be bound by these things. ”
She sighed, her eyes were a little hesitant, but she quickly became firm again: "Xiaohua, I also hope that we can get married smoothly, but I can't help but listen to my parents' words." Your parents can't deny our feelings because of this, right? ”
"They didn't say no," I hastened to explain, "just hoping that we could solve this problem together." You know, marriage is not just a matter for the two of us, it involves the harmony of two families. I want to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties. ”
Xiaoli's face was a little relaxed, but she was still very resolute: "Then what should I do?" Why don't you talk to your parents again and see if they can understand? The wedding date has been set, and my parents have prepared a lot, and I don't want to be unhappy because of this. ”
I feel the pressure mounting, it's not just a matter of numbers, it's a game of two families. My heart was heavy, and the worries on my mother's side and the pressure on Xiaoli's side made me feel very embarrassed.
When I got home, I told my parents about Xiaoli's attitude. After listening to this, my mother was a little emotional: "This is a marriage, this is a deal!" Xiaohua, mom doesn't want you to suffer such grievances. Marriage should be happy, why is it so embarrassing for the family because of an 80,000 yuan? ”
My dad frowned, and he was also a little puzzled: "Son, you think it out yourself." Is this request reasonable? If you think it's acceptable, we won't object. But if we embarrass you, we don't want you to force you to get married. ”
I was in a dilemma and feeling more pressure than I had ever felt before. I tried to find some compromises, such as having the two families sit down and talk and see if they could come to an agreement. But my mother didn't think it was necessary, she thought that if Xiaoli's family insisted on such high requirements, there would be no need for the marriage to continue.
I met Xiaoli again, this time at a restaurant near her house. We ordered a few dishes and chatted while eating. I tried to turn the conversation to the wedding, but she seemed a little reluctant to talk about it.
"Xiaoli, can we think of another way? I don't want to upset both of us because of this. "I try to keep my tone as calm as possible.
She put down her chopsticks and looked at me, her eyes were a little complicated: "Xiaohua, I understand your feelings, but this is not my decision alone. My parents had high expectations for the wedding and they wanted me to get off to a decent start. If your parents really love me, they won't care about this money. ”
"But it's not a matter of whether you care or not," I explained, "it's a matter of principle. Marriage is a matter of two people and should not be held hostage by money. If your parents insist on 80,000, then what should my parents do? ”
She was silent, as if she was thinking, but eventually she shook her head: "I really can't change my parents' minds. You can talk to your parents again and see if they understand. ”
I felt helpless, as if our communication was at an impasse. No matter how much I tried, Xiaoli never seemed to understand the pressure on my side. I'm starting to wonder if this incident will eventually lead to a rift between us that can't be bridged. The preparations for the wedding continued, but my heart was getting heavier and heavier, and I didn't know what to do next.
Preparing for Xiaoli and my wedding started to get harder and harder. The original date has also become a bit precarious. I tried to get the two families to sit down and have a good talk, hoping to resolve the problem, but Xiaoli's parents were very resolute, and they seemed to regard the "getting off ceremony" as a "guarantee" for their daughter.
On this day, I decided to visit Xiaoli's house with gifts, hoping to communicate directly with her parents. I think maybe this is an opportunity to renew our understanding.
Xiaoli's family lives in an upscale neighborhood in the city, and I knocked on the door, and it was her mother, Aunt Li, who opened the door. She didn't look very happy, but politely let me in. The room is beautifully decorated and looks very well furnished.
"Xiaohua, you're here," Aunt Li said politely, "Why did you suddenly think of coming to our house as a guest?" ”
"Aunt Li, the wedding has not been completely decided, so I want to come and talk to you and uncle." I said cautiously.
"Oh, that's okay, sit down." Aunt Li pointed to the sofa.
Xiaoli's father, Uncle Wang, came out of the study, saw me, and nodded: "Xiaohua, sit down." ”
I sat down, put the gifts on the table, and started talking to them about the wedding. I hope they can understand our family's thoughts and understand our situation.
"Uncle, aunt, in fact, my parents are also very concerned about the 'getting off ceremony', but they think that 80,000 is a bit much, can you discuss it again and find a mutually acceptable amount?" I try to keep my tone as calm as possible.
Uncle Wang took a sip of tea and said lightly, "Xiaohua, it's not like we're making things difficult for you. This is our family tradition, and the 'drop-off gift' is to give our daughter a decent start and is also a sign of importance for marriage. ”
Aunt Li nodded and added: "Yes, Xiaoli is our only daughter, we hope that her marriage can be happy, and this 80,000 yuan is our heart for her." ”
"I understand your intentions," I said, "but marriage is a matter of two families, and we hope to find a compromise." ”
Uncle Wang looked at me, his expression was a little serious: "Xiaohua, are your parents unwilling to take out the 80,000?" Or do they feel that this etiquette is unnecessary? ”
"It's not that they don't want to," I explained, "it's just that they think it's a bit high." If you two can understand, we'd love to discuss it again. ”
Aunt Li seemed a little impatient, she stood up and walked to the window: "Xiaohua, this is not Xiaoli's business alone. We also have a lot of relatives and friends here, and everyone is waiting for this wedding. If you make a fuss because of this money, it is not good for anyone. ”
I feel a little helpless, and it seems that it is difficult to find consensus in this kind of negotiation. I tried to make them understand, but Uncle Wang and Aunt Li were very resolute, and it seemed that their bottom line was the 80,000 yuan.
"Aunt Li, Uncle Wang, I really hope we can find a compromise," I said, "after all, marriage is a matter for two families, and we both hope that this wedding will go smoothly." ”
Uncle Wang looked at me and said coldly: "Xiaohua, if your parents are not even willing to take out this money, then do your family really attach importance to this marriage?" If you don't respect our family traditions, then what's the point of marriage? ”
Aunt Li nodded and agreed: "Yes, Xiaohua, you must know that these 80,000 yuan are not for ourselves, but for Xiaoli." If you really love her, you shouldn't dwell on this issue. ”
I felt a pang of irritability in my heart, and this feeling of being forced made me uncomfortable. I tried to stay calm, but their attitude made me feel oppressed. Marriage is a two-family affair, so why impose this pressure on us?
I went home and told my parents about today's conversation, and they were very angry. My mom said directly, "What kind of family tradition is this?" I've never heard of such a high drop-off ceremony! Are they deliberately trying to embarrass you? ”
My dad was also a little puzzled, he sighed: "Son, marriage is a matter of two people, if their family has to do this, should we reconsider this issue?" ”
I was very troubled that Xiaoli's parents didn't seem to want to give in at all, and my parents didn't want to be forced. The wedding date was getting closer, and I was getting more and more stressed, and I didn't know what to do. I began to wonder if the relationship would be able to withstand such a test.
I felt more and more anxious during the wedding preparations, and the conflict between my family and Xiaoli seemed to inevitably expand. My parents became more and more dissatisfied, and Xiaoli's parents insisted on their demands, and there seemed to be no room for negotiation.
In order to allow the two sides to communicate peacefully, I decided to meet with Xiaoli again and try to find a compromise solution. We chose to meet in a Chinese teahouse, where the environment is quieter and may bring us some peace of mind.
Xiaoli arrived earlier than me and sat in the window seat with a cup of hot tea in her hand. She waved her hand when she saw me come in, but her expression was a little tired. We sat down, the atmosphere was a bit dreary, and I tried to start with the light-hearted topic, but she was clearly not in the mood to talk about it.
"Xiaoli, I think we need to talk." I got straight to the point, "The matter of the 'getting off the bus' is very difficult for both families, can we find a solution that is acceptable to both parties?" ”
She took a sip of tea and whispered, "Xiaohua, I don't want to do this either, but it's really not something I can decide." My parents are very concerned about this 'drop-off ceremony', they think it is a sign of respect for marriage. ”
"But respect shouldn't be measured in money." I tried to get her to understand my position, "80,000 yuan is a lot of money, and although my parents are willing to pay for our wedding, they think it's too much. ”
Xiaoli sighed, her face was slightly pale: "Xiaohua, I understand your difficulties, but my parents are really resolute." They felt that it was their lifelong commitment to me and that they couldn't lower the bar. ”
I felt helpless and tried to continue to convince her: "But this incident has affected our relationship, and we can't let the two families have a conflict because of this issue." What happens to this wedding if both parties can't come to an agreement? ”
Xiaoli frowned, as if she was thinking, but soon she shook her head again: "I don't know what to do, I really can't change my parents' minds." You can talk to your parents again, maybe they will understand. ”
I felt a sense of powerlessness, as if no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change her parents' attitude. I tried to avoid the failure of this wedding, but all my efforts seemed to be to no avail.
When I got home, I talked to my parents about it again, and their attitudes started to change. My mom thinks that Xiaoli's parents are too strong, is such a marriage worth continuing. My dad was calmer, but he also began to question the stability of the relationship.
"Son, are you really sure that this wedding is going to continue?" My dad asked me, "If their family insists on that, then what are we going to do?" If they will ask for more in the future, will we be able to withstand it? ”
I'm conflicted, I love Lily, but this pressure makes me feel very hard. I'm starting to wonder if we'll really be able to build a stable marriage in this situation.
The next day, I received a call from Xiaoli, and her voice trembled a little: "Xiaohua, my parents have decided that if your family can't accept this 'getting off ceremony', then this wedding will be over." Let's break up. ”
I felt a chill that I didn't expect things to come to this point. I tried to convince her: "Xiaoli, we can talk about it again, so many years of relationship can't end because of an 80,000 yuan drop-off ceremony." ”
But her tone was firm: "Xiaohua, I really can't help it, my parents are unwilling to give in." If your family can't accept it, then let's leave it at that. ”
I felt a deep sense of loss, and it seemed like the relationship was over. I tried to convince her again, but she hung up. I didn't know how to deal with this outcome, I always thought that our relationship was strong enough, but reality seems to tell me that not all relationships can withstand the test of money.
When I got home, I told my parents about Xiaoli, and their reaction was anger and disappointment. My mom couldn't help but say, "This is talking about feelings, this is talking about deals!" If they have to do this, we don't have to force it. ”
My dad sighed, he was also disappointed: "Son, marriage is a matter of two people, if their family has to be measured by money, then do you think this marriage is still necessary?" ”
I fell into deep thought, maybe there was really no need for this wedding to continue. After all, if there is a conflict between the two families because of money in the first place, is the marriage really worth continuing? I don't know how to proceed, but I do know that this wedding may have come to an end.
After Xiaoli said those words, my whole person fell into a state of confusion. In the past few days, I have been wondering why her parents are so adamant about asking for a drop-off gift of 80,000 yuan, and why there is no possibility of making concessions in this matter. I love Xiaoli, but is this wedding really going to end because of these 80,000 yuan?
My parents saw me depressed, and they were worried about me. My mother has always been very good to me, she looked at me with distress in her eyes: "Xiaohua, don't be sad. Mom felt that even if the wedding was canceled, it would be okay. You're going to meet better girls. ”
I shook my head, still feeling a little uncomfortable. My mom said that, but I knew she was disappointed too. She liked Xiaoli very much at the beginning and thought she was a sensible girl, but now this request for a disembarkation ceremony has made her good feelings disappear.
My dad was calmer, and he advised me to look away: "Son, you have to think clearly, marriage is a matter of two people, and harmony between family members is very important. If Xiaoli's parents are so persistent, you may have more problems in the future. ”
I nodded, but still conflicted. I remembered the bits and pieces of me and Xiaoli together, we used to be so happy, why are we separated now because of these 80,000 yuan? I tried to convince myself to accept the result, but I couldn't let it go.
A few days later, Xiaoli reached out to me and she said she wanted to see me. We met in a small park, and it was a sunny day, but my heart was unusually heavy. Xiaoli also looked tired, and her eyes were full of sadness.
"Xiaohua, I'm sorry." "There's really nothing I can do to change my parents' minds," she said. ”
I looked at her and tried to calm myself: "Xiaoli, I hope we can find a solution, so many years of relationship can't end because of this incident." ”
She sighed and shook her head: "Xiaohua, I really want to be with you, but my parents insist on 80,000 yuan, and I can't convince them." Your parents don't want to give it, and there is no way to continue this matter. ”
I felt helpless, and this feeling of being forced made me very uncomfortable. I tried to convince her again, but her attitude apparently didn't change. Our relationship seemed to be falling apart because of this issue, and I knew that maybe this wedding really couldn't go ahead.
I tried to redeem it, but Xiaoli's attitude was very firm, saying that it was her parents' decision and that she had no right to change it. I felt a deep sense of powerlessness, and I thought that the relationship would have a happy ending, but now it seems that everything has become so uncertain.
When I got home that day, I told my parents about Xiaoli's decision, and they were disappointed too. Mom even said: "Xiaohua, such a girl is not worth your effort." If she really cares about you, she won't give up on you because of the 80,000 yuan. ”
My dad was calmer and advised me to look away: "Son, you have to think clearly, is this wedding really worth going on?" If her parents insist on measuring their relationship with money, then there is really no need for this marriage to continue. ”
I felt a deep sense of loss, I loved Xiaoli, but this wedding had come to an end. Maybe it's heaven telling me that this relationship is not for me.
I decided to try to accept the result. I went back to the company and buried my emotions during this time at work. I try to keep myself busy and not think about the things that bother me. But Xiaoli's shadow always lingers in my mind, and our good times together seem to be a thing of the past.
A few days later, I met Xiaoli downstairs in the company. She also looked haggard, and it seemed that she was not having a good time during this time. When she saw me, there was a mixture of emotions in her eyes.
"Xiaohua, I'm really sorry." She said, "I know you're sad, but I can't help it." ”
I nodded, and my heart was also complicated: "Xiaoli, I hope you can be happy in the future." If it's your parents' decision, I can only respect it. ”
There was a groom of tears in her eyes, but she didn't say anything more. We were silent for a moment, and then she turned away. I looked at her back and felt an indescribable sadness in my heart.
Maybe this is the end of fate, everything between us disappeared in front of this 80,000 yuan disembarkation ceremony. I felt a deep sense of powerlessness, maybe this is life, there are things that we can't control.
I decided to let go of the relationship and start a new life. Although I still have some regrets in my heart, I know that this marriage is not worth my continued efforts. I hope that my future life can bring me more joy and happiness, and I also hope that Xiaoli can find happiness that belongs to her.
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