Today is the second Sunday of May/Because it's Mother's Day, it's extraordinarily gentle/Speaking of mother/What do you think of/Is it a gentle and warm tone/Or a loud preaching/Or repeated nagging/Is it a delicate and beautiful dress/Or a busy figure between pots and pans/Or a little age spot and loose skin/Mother's love, what should it look like/There is no standard template/It may be warm, bright, optimistic and inclusive/It may be a fierce collision of chickens and dogs/It may also be generous to you and stingy with yourself/ It may also disappear in the long river of time and remain in the memories / No matter what posture and way the mother loves the child / It is a blessing for the child / After all, the mother is the only one who has shared the heartbeat with us / May the mother of the world - / Be healthy and happy! / May the mothers of the world not only love their children, but also treat themselves well.
Mother's Fault
Mother is terrible/ She is straightforward and fast-talking/ Shaped like a fire/ Say whatever comes to mind/ Never think about the consequences....../ Stormy/ After the rain/ It's like there's no such thing at all/ Mother never holds a grudge.
- Excerpt from a collection of innocent poems
Over the past 63 years, Tong Zhen has felt his mother's love, but also felt the alienation and hurt born from incomprehension.
He left because of this, but after his father was bedridden due to illness, he returned to the old house as the eldest and took care of him.
"What's the use of reading, laughing" and "Don't marry the doll you ordered"...... Although his mother is in his eighties, and despite the words that he has said and hurt him, he no longer complains in poetry as he once did.
"Looking back, my mom is the opposite of me, and her injuries are the most important inspiration and motivation for my creation." When he said this, he didn't even notice it, what a warm love sentence this is!
Although his mother, who was often different from time to time, was a little indifferent to this, the food she cooked, the heart she had, and the love she gave were enough to dispel the estrangement.
On the eve of Mother's Day, in Guanzhuang Village, Cuifeng Town, Zhouzhi, a reporter from Huashang Daily Gale News chatted with 63-year-old Tong Zhen and his 83-year-old mother about the love and contradictions of most of their lives. Maybe the story between them will also make you think of yourself and your mother.
"Is there a standard for success? Isn't it called success to do what you want to do the most? The 63-year-old said the bold words carefully.
His 83-year-old mother, Pang Xiuying, combed the big back hair often combed by rural grandmothers, and greeted the reporters who came to interview with spirits.
Behind her ears, she may not be able to hear clearly, and she may not understand her son's words, so she only asked, "Do you eat noodles?" Why don't you heat up a bowl of locust rice? ”
For her mother, she has long been accustomed to it and talks to herself. "I often feel the urge to write poems after an argument with my mother," he says, "or I write down these emotions in the dead of night. Some of the extreme emotions in the poem are just a moment at that time, and many times the emotions dissipate when they are written, and the poems are eased. ”
"My mother is vigorous in farm work,
I don't like to do farm work, I love to read."
In 1961, 20-year-old Pang Xiuying gave birth to Tong Zhen, and until he changed his name to Tong Zhen, he used the name "Tong Xiasheng" given by his mother-in-law.
"After me, my mom gave birth to 3 sons. She has a bit of a strong personality, so she likes her sons to be obedient, and the second child is always taught by her when she is the most disobedient. In 1992, the second brother passed away, leaving behind two daughters, one was 4 years old and the other was 2 years old. Over the years, my mother and I have brought up these two children, and they have not changed their words, calling me uncle, and we are very close. Now that my eldest grandson is in junior high school, my mother cooks for my great-grandson every day. ”
Tong Zhen said that his mother came to Shaanxi from Gansu. "In those years, when there were still old people in the family, my mother went back to her hometown." "Later, her favorite place to go was the temple two miles away from her home, where she recited scriptures. In addition, her daily routine consists of cooking, laundry, cleaning, and gossiping...... Don't look at my mother, she doesn't know a single word, she instinctively memorizes the whole scripture against the scriptures. And she did farm work vigorously, I heard that when the work was recorded in the commune, everyone rushed to join her, and she was also very proud, and then the people in the village gradually used machines to cut wheat, she didn't, so let us take a sickle to cut. I don't like to do farm work the least, I love to read. ”
"When Daddy was going to beat me,
My mom came out of nowhere and hugged me."
Books are the fuse that triggers the conflict between mother and son, because of reading books when I was a teenager, and later because of publishing books.
Speaking of the book, Pang Xiuying said a lot of things: "He (innocent) failed the college entrance examination because of physical problems. After that, I always took a book and flipped through it, and I was afraid that he would go crazy and not let him read it. Besides, what's the use of reading? It also makes Murakami laugh! ”
But Tong Zhen said: "I actually loved reading at a very young age, and my uncle was a cultural and educational specialist in the commune, so I had the opportunity to read Marxism-Leninism, Lu Xun and Cao Xueqin. But at that time, the village was full of jokes about reading books. I remember when I was about 20 years old, I stayed near the wheat drying according to the instructions of the adults to prevent it from being stolen by birds, but I forgot to see that the sparrow happened to be touched by my father, and he suddenly came up with a rage and was ready to beat me with a rake. My mom came out of nowhere and hugged me, her back in front of my dad's rake held high......"
The biggest objection to childlike reading comes from my mother.
"She can't read big words, and she always says ugly things." "But more than once to protect me." ”
Tong Zhen remembers that there was a period of time when Murakami rose up to weave reed mats and sell them for money, "Once the adults were not there, I also learned to weave on a whim, but my father came back and thought I was not good at weaving, and I probably thought I was wasting materials, and it was another scolding." This time, my mother stood firmly on my side and said, 'What do babies learn?' ”
More than 50 years ago, the innocence of the child is still fresh in his memory, and the feeling of being supported by his mother is unforgettable.
"The righteousness and simple kindness of my body,
Mostly from my simple peasant mother."
In the interview, talking about her son's innocence, Pang Xiuying mentioned at least 3 times that she was "disobedient and did not marry a baby".
"I have 4 male babies in my family, and the economic conditions are not good, so I ordered a baby when I was 10 years old." Tong Zhen said, "But after watching "Dream of Red Mansions", I don't want to be bound by the marriage contract, I want to find my favorite sweetheart." ”
The father of the woman who kissed the doll came to the door many times, but the innocence was unmoved. "From opposing me from reading books to not marrying a baby, plus I don't like to do farm work." Tong Zhen said, "None of the things I did came according to my mother's wishes, and the conflict between me and my family was extreme." Maybe my dad hit me with a rake to vent his long-standing resentment. ”
Tong Zhen remembers that when many people in the village were gradually using harvesters to cut wheat, his mother still only allowed her sons to cut wheat with a sickle.
"I've had a lot of injuries on my hands and legs, and my mom is a fast and good worker, so she always says I'm a hard worker." The innocent eyes and mouth show helplessness and sadness.
There is a lot of sorrow, and when it is piled up, it becomes poetry. Tong Qing said that since the 80s of the last century, he has been writing every day after doing farm work.
"In 1985, there was a girl of the same age in the village who was abandoned because of the doll she ordered to be admitted to university, and similar experiences made us communicate more, and I also wrote a love poem to her." Tong Zhen said, "I didn't expect to be seen by her mother, who rushed to the door and said that I ruined her baby's innocence." Before they could do anything, my father's face couldn't hold up first, so he rushed to me who was feeding the grass in the cowshed, and unloaded the guillotine hanging in the cowshed and pointed it at me. At the critical moment, a neighbor's uncle rushed over to hug my angry father, and my mother also rushed to calm my father's emotions while escorting me to the room. ”
Tong Zhen said: "I remember that my old cow seemed to be about to cry at that time. Saying that, his eyes were red again, and maybe there were some stories rotten in his stomach that he didn't want to mention, maybe there was no need to mention them.
At the end of 1985, Tong Zhen left home after learning that Xi'an was going to recruit a group of cleaners. "After working as a cleaner, I spent more time reading and writing, and I also wrote a book of poems that was destroyed in a fire." Innocence said.
The following experience was a favorite of the child, and was mentioned many times in his 12 later printed volumes:
"At about 4 o'clock in the afternoon of November 7, 1990, in the Huancheng Park outside the West Gate of Xi'an, in broad daylight, a gangster wanted to bully a female student behind a big tree. I rushed up and tore with the gangsters, and the other party fled. "But not long after, this gangster carried a machete and gasoline to my dormitory, when my fourth brother was still in the dormitory, he cut my fourth brother and burned our dormitory." Thankfully, the firefighters arrived in time, but all of my poems were burned. ”
The more serious consequence is that the innocence can only return to his hometown again.
Ask him if he regretted this brave act? He shook his head but added, "There were a lot of onlookers at that time, and only one eldest sister gave me encouragement in words. Now I understand more and more that most of my righteousness and simple kindness come from my simple peasant mother. Although she often said some unpleasant things, she did the most gentle things, just like she and I took care of the children left behind by my second brother, although she always complained, but she did not leave anything behind. ”
"After my father died, I couldn't leave,
I'm out, what will my mom do? ”
After returning to his hometown in 1991, the 30-year-old continued to write. "Because my mom was against it, I wrote it almost always in the middle of the night." Tong Zhen said, "In the mid-90s, the 'Shaanxi Army's Eastern Crusade' made waves in the national literary circle, which made me, a young man with a literary dream, ready to move. I left my hometown again, and around 1994, I took my poetry manuscript and went to Beijing alone, but I was politely rejected by three publishing houses. ”
Knowing some of the "rules" of book publishing, 34-year-old Tong Zhen went south to Guangzhou and entered a shoe factory, but he couldn't do heavy work, so he went to Yunnan the following year and worked in a ferrosilicon factory, wanting to save some money to publish books. "I don't have a diploma, I work in a small factory, and I do all manual work, and my body can't bear it." He said.
Pang Xiuying answered: "This baby can't work since she was a child. A few years ago, he planted kiwifruit and sold it for some money, and he saw that other people's cedars made good profits, but he just changed to cedars, and the kiwi was sold at a price. But my third child can work, and now I have a pig farm. ”
In 1996, the innocent father was bedridden due to illness, and various complications came one after another. After receiving the message from his mother, Tong Zhen returned home without hesitation and took care of his father with his mother.
After his father passed away in 2001, Tong Zhen couldn't leave, "I went out, what should my mother do?" ”
I asked him if he was a little disheartened at the time, and he didn't deny it.
"Come back when it's cold, don't wander in the wind", returning to his mother, escaping from the bustling world without his own place, he expressed his feelings in poetry.
took the 43 yuan given by his mother to copy the poem
Walking out of the store only to realize that "a big disaster"
"It doesn't matter where the person is, the important thing is that the literary dream is still there." Tong Zhen said, "At that time, I won many awards for participating in various essay competitions, and I also met an editor surnamed He. Because I still have dreams, I sort out the drafts I used to write whenever I have free time. ”
Tong innocently recalled that around 2000, he walked to the copy shop with the 43 yuan given by his mother to buy flour and vegetables.
"The moment I got the money, I took the sorted out poems and walked directly into the copy shop, gave the money and the poems to the clerk and said, 'You can copy as much as you can'." Tong Zhen said, "It wasn't until I took the photocopied manuscript of the poem from the copy shop that I realized that I had made a big mistake." I thought about borrowing money from my uncle's youngest son to fill the 'hole', but the other party agreed very well, but I didn't wait until 10 o'clock in the evening at the entrance of the village. Uncomfortable and frightened, I sneaked home and put the photocopied manuscript in the box where the manuscript was stored. When my mother found me, she first asked where the purchases were and then where the money was, but I couldn't answer, so I had to rush into the kitchen and wipe my neck with a knife. ”
Maybe the innocence at that time had already "grasped" his mother, and he knew that his mother was generally only angry.
"Maybe in their eyes, I'm really an 'outlier'. Around 2006, because of my low mood, I went out to see a doctor and got lost, but fortunately, a villager said that he saw me in Wugong County, and my mother quickly asked my third brother to bring me back, and later I learned that my mother was looking for me. "It wasn't until the editor surnamed He contacted me that his Hubei Writers' Documentation Center had a grant program that allowed us writers to print our works in a book." Tong Zhen has printed 12 collections in this way, spending a total of 30,000 yuan.
When I asked him where the money came from, he said, "Because I don't want many sample books, at most no more than 5,000 yuan at a time." If I didn't have it, I asked my uncle's eldest son to borrow a little, repay the loan, and finally find a way to earn money to pay it back, regardless of the cost to publish the book. ”
When he was young, he once accused his mother of being in charge of the economy in a poem, but now he is willing to give all the money he earns to his mother.
Pang Xiuying said: "The family has no money, so give him the money, and he will spend it elsewhere as soon as his brain is hot." ”
Tong Zhen said: "I can only earn some money by doing odd jobs now, just enough for us to make ends meet. ”
Sometimes she gets angry for the same reasons as when she was younger
Why do you think time is so fast?"
"Before 2012, I didn't even dare to take these brochures home, and my mother said she would throw them away or burn them for me if she saw them. In 2012, after all 12 of my poems were printed, I suddenly felt that my obsession had been let go, and now I am even more pessimistic. Tong innocently said, turning out a few large paper bags from the corner of the house, the outer packaging was all in the ground, but the sample books and the various essay awards he had won were carefully stored.
Tong Qing said: "When I was young, I was obsessed with publishing books, and I also fantasized about becoming a famous writer and shining on the lintel. Maybe I won't be able to achieve it in my life, but I still think that people have to dream in this life, and they have to live according to their own ideas at least once, and maybe they will not be so happy, but if they live the life that others want to live by themselves completely according to other people's wishes, even if they live well, I still feel bored. ”
Now Tong Zhen and his mother depend on each other, reading and reciting scriptures together every day, his mother cooks and he lights the fire, and then goes to the field to do farm work and do odd jobs.
"My mother is 83 years old, and the days with her like this should be cherished day by day." Tong Zhen said, "Although my mother is still nagging, she is sixty ears and is smooth, and sometimes she is angry for the same reason as when she is young, and I think that time is so fast!" ”
Q: Does he still want to take a look outside? He replied firmly: "Accompany the old man first, and I will definitely go out when I am left alone." I am staying in the village now for my mother and to pick up my grandson (the grandson of my second brother). I don't have money, I don't have a daughter-in-law, and others don't see me the same, and although I don't care, I still want to leave. My peace of mind is my hometown, find a place of peace of mind to grow old. I also want to go outside and see, I still have a lot of things to write about, to myself, to my grandchildren. ”
When he was young, he was innocent because of his mother's incomprehension and accusations, and now he has spent most of his life understanding one thing: love is more important than understanding.
>> the reporter spoke
Love is more important than understanding
Huashang Daily Gale News Reporter Fu Qimeng Xing Mengying Text/Picture B51