#头条创作挑战赛#
Recently, a parent's question on Zhihu caused a thousand waves: "Why did my daughter react so strongly?" ”
The story revolves around a senior high school girl who is recuperating at home due to illness. At lunchtime, the mother and daughter discussed the meal, and the daughter, tired of takeout, suggested that her mother cook, and then chose instant noodles because of her hunger.
After the mother agreed, she decided to cook noodles instead, thinking that it was healthier and could add eggs, so she changed to boiling noodles without further discussion with her daughter.
As soon as the noodles were cooked, her daughter saw this, and her emotions instantly collapsed, asking why it was not instant noodles. The mother argued that the noodles were cooked faster, but it was just the difference between a bowl of noodles.
The daughter burst into tears and said sadly: "Is this more than a bowl of noodle dispute? Is it really a matter of time? She confided her recent dissatisfaction one by one: the day before yesterday, she asked her mother to make fat beef rice according to the map, but her mother insisted on playing on her own, and the finished product was not satisfactory; Asked whether it was a fat cow or a fat sheep in the bowl, the mother was silent, but in fact, the fat cattle in the family were exhausted, but the father was not allowed to buy them, and everything was done according to the mother's wishes.
"The moment I learned that I had been concealed, I was terribly chilled. Is this a trivial trifle? The daughter questioned repeatedly and cried bitterly for a long time.
The mother is puzzled by this, and the daughter's frequent anger over trivial things is an occasional or cumulative outburst? She is eager for netizens to answer her daughter's psychological state.
One of the answers, four short sentences, won 20,000 approvals and hit the nail on the head:
Feeling deeply hopeless,
Sick high school students,
Even the right to choose instant noodles was denied,
Why bother asking for advice but ignoring it?
Indeed, on the one hand, asking for her daughter's opinion, and on the other hand, doing her own thing, anyone will feel extremely frustrated and helpless.
I think of a mother, how similar her behavior is to the mother who insisted on carrying more than ten catties of frozen pork to visit her daughter.
The daughter, who lives in another city, is overjoyed by her mother's upcoming visit.
However, her mother's subsequent actions bothered her.
At first, the mother asked if she needed to bring 10 catties of pork from her hometown, but the daughter politely refused, but the mother did not insist.
The next day, the mother brought up the matter again, emphasizing that the price of pork in her daughter's city was high, and she had prepared ten catties of frozen pork for her.
The daughter again resolutely refused, and the mother seemed to agree.
This request was explicitly rejected by the daughter many times, and each time the mother expressed her understanding, but finally with the heavy meat accompanied by the mother's love, she crossed thousands of miles and arrived at her daughter's residence.
The daughter described the feeling with a wry smile: "It was as if something exploded in my head, suffocating and painful, and even giving birth to the idea of escaping life."
Looking back on more than 20 years, it turns out that this has always been the norm in my life. ”
The daughter's thoughts drifted back to the past.
During the winter and summer holidays, her mother would take her back to her grandmother's house, and her grandmother would give her about 50 catties of frozen meat.
When she expressed her dissatisfaction with the inconvenient and unpalatable meat, she was often punished by her mother.
Such an experience, deep and painful, forms an indelible part of her growing memory.
Once, she was eager to taste vegetarian buns, and her mother gladly agreed.
However, when I returned from school, I faced the steaming buns, and when I took a bite, it was a mouthful of meat. It turned out that my mother had mixed the cured meat she had brought back from her grandmother's house.
Faced with questioning, the mother replied: "This is for your own good, how can you grow your body without the nourishment of meat." Apparently, the mother ignored her preference for a vegetarian diet.
This is not uncommon, for example, when making tomato lo mein, my mother asked if she wanted to add beef broth, but she categorically refused.
But in the mouth of the noodles, the familiar and unpleasant smell of meat once again invaded her taste buds.
My mother said with a smile: "With beef broth, it tastes better." It was as if he had never heard his daughter's refusal.
There were countless events like this, and each one of them pierced her heart deeply. She lamented: "In the past 20 years, I have struggled with such contradictions, and I have even had the idea of giving up my life. ”
Until one day, my mother talked lightly about the fifteen pounds of pork in her luggage, and those suppressed memories flooded back, and her emotions burst instantly, releasing the accumulated pain with tears and roars.
In the face of her daughter's outburst, the mother was as perplexed as usual - it was just a small part of the diet, why was it so?
They see their daughter's reaction as a sign of ungrateful and emotional, ignoring the fact that behind this is an unheard voice and a broken agreement.
Communication seems to have become a formality between them, and the mother's verbal promise never really translates into an act of respecting her daughter's choice. This cycle of ineffective communication made her daughter feel deeply confused and hopeless, and the pillar of her soul gradually collapsed.
A netizen's experience at McDonald's reveals a typical homeschooling scenario. She witnessed the interaction of a mother and son, who seemed to be in his late teens and were concentrating on ordering food.
Soon, the mother became a little impatient and asked, "Why haven't you ordered it yet?" The son replied lightly, saying that he just wanted to add another ice cream. At this time, the mother's reaction was slightly contemptuous: "Ice cream? How can peaches be healthy. ”
As she spoke, she picked out a peach from the bag she was carrying with her and urged her son, "Eat peaches, how good." The son politely refused, reiterating that he did not want to eat. The mother was puzzled and once again admired the delicacy of the peaches, as if that were the only option.
The son's refusal began to show displeasure, and he bluntly said, "I really don't like to eat peaches." However, the mother did not receive this message and continued to indulge in self-recommendation: "This peach is clean and tastes good. ”
In the end, in the face of her son's insistence, the mother took direct action and forced the peach into her son's hand, emphasizing: "This peach has been washed, taste it." ”
The whole process, as if the son's personal preferences and decision-making power were completely ignored, made people deeply feel the helplessness of being ignored.
Especially for an adult son, this limited freedom of dietary choices and disregard for opinions is undoubtedly depressing.
The typical parental mentality is often reflected as: "Where does the child know so much, everything I arrange is for your good, and your preferences seem insignificant in front of this." ”
When children pluck up the courage to try to communicate, they may encounter the indifference of their parents, or the superficial openness - asking for opinions, after a fleeting listening, there is a resolute rebuttal and unquestionable insistence, and the goal is not reached, and there is no concession. What's more, as some examples show, the appearance of harmony is actually secretly contradictory, making communication an empty talk.
All these behaviors of parents are rooted in the belief that everything they do is out of love and selfless dedication to their children's future, but they do not realize that under the weight of this "love", there is hidden emotional damage to their children.
There is nothing more than a healthy and harmonious relationship in life, a warm environment where we can share joy, pay attention to each other, and have the courage to think from each other's point of view.
The premise for achieving this vision is simple but profound: a family that is full of responsiveness, genuine companionship, and deep heart-to-heart communication.
Therefore, as a parent, the most important lesson is to learn to let go at the right time. This is not only a vote of confidence in the child's growth, but also the only way to grow himself.