Wen \ Yuhe
I don't know if you've ever observed such a phenomenon:
In many happy families, the husband and wife themselves are not a perfect match, and there are no contradictions.
They will even quarrel over trivial matters, and there will be a scene where they want to divorce one second and reconcile the next.
There will be some problems in two people to a greater or lesser extent, but as long as there is one person who can stabilize the core and grasp the direction of the family, then the relationship can be indestructible.
The famous American psychologist Daniel Gorman once said: "The temperature of a family is always controlled by women." ”
I deeply agree that the vast majority of whether the family is warm or not depends on the woman.
Especially women who are particularly good at talking, they have the wisdom of four or two thousand pounds, and through a few words of love, they can control the rhythm of marriage, warm each other, and amaze the years.
A smart woman will master the following three love sentences to add material to a dull marriage and make your relationship more satisfying.
01: Appreciating the temperament: "You are so amazing! ”
Researchers on marriage in the United States surveyed nearly 100 families and found that all marital unhappiness can be attributed to one reason:
Husband and wife don't know how to appreciate.
Yes, for example, one party wears a magnifying glass to see some trivial things, or one party picks on the other's thorns, habitually denies and sarcastic partners.
Psychologically, this type of person is called the "blame partner".
When you meet this kind of partner, you will feel that you are depressed to live every day, and you can't find fun and motivation.
In "Thirty Only", Xu Huanshan and Gu Jia are a loving couple, and his wife Gu Jia is the image of a perfect wife.
For the sake of the growth of her children, she chose to be a housewife at the peak of her career.
In order to help Xu Huanshan's company develop, she put a lot of effort into running before and after.
……
In the face of such a virtuous wife, Xu Huanshan still cheated on Xiao Sanlin Youyou.
The reason is that he feels that Gu Jia is too powerful, and he seems very small.
Once Gu Jia was loading the cabinet, Xu Huanshan just wanted to try it, but he didn't expect to be stopped.
"There are some things at home that you have installed, and you ...... talk big" The sentence extinguished Xu Huanshan's self-esteem.
And the same is loading the cabinet, Xiao Sanlin Youyou said: "You are too powerful, you can do anything." ”
At the same time, the look of worship aroused Xu Huanshan's strong self-esteem.
Lin Youyong said "You are so powerful", and broke through Xu Huanshan's psychological defense step by step.
Regarding the blue fireworks that his wife Gu Jia strictly banned because of safety, Lin Youyou said: "The fireworks you designed are very interesting, how can there be such a powerful person as you!" ”
You have to admit that she ignited Xu Huanshan's sense of accomplishment that was extinguished by his wife.
In this way, while Xu Huanshan was happy to be a "strong self", he was also inspired by Lin Youyou to have a strong desire to protect.
Perhaps, the direction of marriage has long been foreshadowed in these small things.
Psychologist John Gottman has studied nearly 1,000 couples in 40 years of observation and discovered an astonishing truth about couples:
80% of divorced couples believe that the breakdown of each other's marriages is due to the fact that both husband and wife do not feel love and appreciation.
Every family has a scripture that is difficult to read, and what we have to do is not to "not quarrel", but to learn how to deal with such contradictions.
As Dale Carnegie said in his book The Weakness of Human Nature:
"If you want to keep your family happy, remember this principle: don't always criticize your family, instead, you need to appreciate each other from the bottom of your heart."
Appreciate and encourage the other person, try to say the phrase, "You're amazing." ”
The more people you are closest to, the more you need praise, and the more you need to experience his goodness with your heart.
From now on, try to praise your partner from the ground up.
It is often said that "what you did today was an eye-opener for me!" "You're really great, you give so much for your family!" ……
Try to water the flowers of marriage with sincere praise, and you can reap the full spring color of the garden.
02: Companion words: "I'm here"
Lung Yingtai once said:
"Life is like a big river, it may be beautiful, but it may be stormy. You'll need a companion who can stand side by side with you in the bow of the boat, sing the scenery on both sides of the river, and hold your hand tightly in the rough seas. ”
Companionship to marriage is equivalent to a diamond ring to a marriage proposal, and a marriage without companionship is like a pool of stagnant water.
Thinking of Lin Chiling's marriage to Ryohei Kurosawa, Lin Chiling was criticized by many netizens in China after marrying Ryohei Kurosawa in Japan.
Once Lin Chiling received an interview from a magazine, and the reporter asked Lin Chiling a question: Why did you marry Ryohei Kurosawa?
Lin Chiling told the truth with a happy face, and what made her decide to spend the rest of her life with Ryohei Kurosawa was his simple words: "I'm here."
At that time, Lin Chiling was sad and sad because of the death of her grandmother, so she sought comfort from Ryohei Kurosawa, but unexpectedly, due to excessive sadness, she fell asleep exhausted.
When she woke up the next day, she found that the phone was still working, so she tentatively called out Ryohei Kurosawa.
Ryohei Kurosawa's hoarse voice immediately came from the phone, as if he had accompanied Lin Chiling all night and didn't sleep all night.
"I'm here", just four words, gave Lin Chiling a sense of security, and this detail finally made Lin Chiling firmly choose Ryohei Kurosawa.
"I'm here", these four words express the best side of love: when you need me, I will always be there.
It's not just women who crave companionship, but men too.
I've heard such a touching story.
When an eighty-year-old man was recovering from a serious illness, when asked about the meaning of marriage, he had this to say:
When I reach my age, if you look at my physical condition, do I still have any wealth and appearance?
Marriage for me, is that I was awakened by thirst at three o'clock in the middle of the night, because the wound was painful and inconvenient to move, as long as I gently touched the old lady next to me, she whispered "I am", and got up to pour me water.
How expensive do you say this saliva is? Even if there are hundreds of millions, can I buy them? Will there be a tacit understanding that has been managed by marriage in a few years?
Yes, this is the meaning of companionship, not mentioning love in every word, but love in every word.
A word "I am" is worth a thousand words.
Marriage is the companionship of one vegetable and one meal, one call and one response.
Men are strong on the outside, but they are actually more fragile on the inside than women. Therefore, when life is at a low point, the company of a woman will make a man feel more at ease.
When she is young, if a woman is fortunate enough to be cared for by a man who loves her, she must also be willing to take good care of her man when she is old.
03: Coquettish temperament: "Husband ......"
Zhihu's last topic about marriage sparked a heated discussion among netizens: In marriage, what kind of woman is more lovable?
The answers are strange, some people post pictures, some people post a large string of texts, and some people send videos...... But the answer with the most likes is only two simple words "coquettish".
A highly praised comment replied like this: "Every time I am coquetted, my inner desire to protect will be stimulated." ”
is just a sentence: "Husband-" with a coquettish tone, it can almost become a marriage lore.
If companionship is compared to the glue of feelings, then coquettish words are the all-purpose mediator of two people's feelings.
If a man's nature is compared to a hard stone, strong and responsible, then a woman is the weakest clear water.
The softness of this squeezing can easily break a man's rigidity.
And coquettishness is the key to overcoming rigidity with softness.
Ms. Ning, a neighbor, is such a wise woman.
Her husband, Mr. Zhang, works in other places all the year round, and it has become a common thing for the two to get together less and leave more.
But even so, Mr. Zhang still held Ms. Ning in the palm of his hand.
When Mr. Zhang was not at home, Ms. Ning took care of the family's food, clothing, and daily life, and even connected the sewer and repaired the light bulb...... Do a lot of men's work and take on the responsibility of the whole family.
As soon as Mr. Zhang returned home, Ms. Ning became a "weak woman".
From time to time, I heard her delicate shouting "Husband-" and then snuggled in Mr. Zhang's arms, coquettish in big and small things, and she would definitely let him help if she could let Mr. Zhang help.
In the days when Mr. Zhang went home, he kept hearing "husband-" all the time.
Far from being disgusted, Mr. Zhang was happy to help Ms. Ning.
Some men said that Mr. Zhang fell into the gentle township, but he was indifferent to his wife's coquettishness......
Some ladies said that Ms. Ning was pretentious and silently resisted all the things in the family......
But as a result, you will find that these two types of people will soon lose their freshness to each other, and their days will become more and more dull and boring day by day.
On the other hand, Ms. Ning, her sentence "husband-" has become the most powerful weapon, making Mr. Zhang disarm and surrender in minutes.
It is not sharp, but it can smooth the edges and corners of a man and give a man the pleasure of a spring breeze.
Many people think that the end of marriage is bland, but they don't know that the best state of marriage is not to turn you from an innocent and weak girl to a mature and sensible woman. Instead, you can always be coquettish, you can always be moderately willful, and he will always be willing to tolerate you.
04. Mei Niang said
Someone said: "Love words can penetrate every nerve of a person, it can burn people to ashes like a fire, it destroys withering and decaying, it is indestructible, it swallows you like a fog."
In the eyes of many women, men are rational creatures who don't need love words to regulate their lives. Over time, the joy of life has been smoothed out by firewood, rice, oil and salt.
Men really don't like those sensual love words, on the contrary, men like simple and unpretentious love words.
Those love words, you don't need to often put "I love you" on your lips, a simple sincere confession is worth a thousand words.
Try to close the distance between the two hearts with sincere love words, and you will love each other more and more.