There was a survey online.
Ask parents what behavior they hate most about their children?
More than 70% of parents chose "backtalking".
The child's backlash seems to be a catastrophe that even parents can't escape.
Adults subconsciously feel that talking back is challenging authority, ignorance, and disrespect for elders.
We have to find a way to cure these little guys.
It's just that behind the backlash, maybe it's just that the child's needs are not discovered and the child's voice is not heard.
They are using the way of talking back to express their emotions and show themselves.
Instead of countering violence with violence, you might as well say more about these words.
Not only can it help the child correct small defects, but also make him better day by day.
Talking back often turns into a quarrel.
So, don't get angry when you find your child talking back.
Calm yourself down first and see why your child is throwing tantrums.
Then guide the child to relieve the bad emotions, so that he can learn to express himself in a more friendly and positive way.
In "Family with Children", Liu Xing is a child who loves to talk back.
If he doesn't agree, he will say, "I don't accept it!" I protest! I refuse! ”
Whenever she saw the child's unbeaten appearance, her mother Liu Mei would say, "Look at my temper."
When "adolescence" collides with "menopause", anger is raging, and the two will quarrel if they disagree.
But at this time, stepfather Xia Donghai will always patiently listen to the child, and then patiently enlighten:
"Are you looking to buy shoes? But my mother wouldn't let me buy it. It makes you angry, doesn't it? ”
And Liu Xing, no matter how much he owes his mouth, will always be quiet when he hears this.
Many times, children talk back because they have emotions in their hearts.
However, they are still young and don't know how to express it.
If the parents are heated with words, they will "talk back".
At this time, it is best for parents to put down their own lofty shelves and adult thinking.
Try to put yourself in your child's shoes, try to understand his predicament, and help him understand, express and manage his emotions.
Let's talk a little more:
Awesome children, they won't get angry casually~
I understand how you feel, but can you put it in a different tone?
I know you're angry right now, but we'll talk when you calm down, okay?
In this way, it can not only alleviate the conflict between parents and children, but also guide the child to become an emotionally stable person.
It can also allow them to solve problems more calmly when they encounter them.
Sometimes, children talk back because they are not so happy with the way their parents do things.
In particular, parents ask their children to do things that they don't do.
Children who are not convinced in their hearts will use the way of "talking back" to express their dissatisfaction in their hearts.
On the Internet, I once saw a primary school student "accuse" his parents in an essay:
Why can my parents play on the phone for three or four hours, but I can only play for five minutes?
Why can my parents get angry at me and I can't?
Why can't my parents take care of themselves, but still take care of me?
Indeed, when adults encounter unfair treatment, they will express it in words.
Not to mention, when the child is disciplined, he encounters a parent with double standards.
If you ask your children for what you can't do, you will naturally be backlashed.
Talking back, in fact, is because the child is not convinced by you.
Education has never been about simply preaching and controlling.
No matter how much you talk and how hard you fight, you can't even do it yourself.
The child will only fight back with contempt and rebellion: you can't do it yourself, why do you ask me?
At this time, parents should also reflect on whether there is a problem with their own education methods.
When your child expresses dissatisfaction, you can ask two more questions:
Is there something wrong with Mom?
Dad is also a first-time father, and he needs to grow up with you.
At this time, not only does it provide an opportunity for parents and children to communicate, but you can also see your own problems from the child's point of view.
Educator Makarenko once said:
Do not think that education is only in times of instruction and commands, in every moment of life, even when you are not present.
Good education is not about supervision, but about leading.
It shouts loudly, it is better to create an atmosphere and make an appearance.
Talking back is not entirely a bad thing, sometimes it is a sign of a child's growth.
When you find that your child is going to talk back, most likely they want to tell you, "I've grown up."
For example, if you ask her to wear a skirt, she wants to wear a sweatshirt.
You think the child is stubborn, but it also shows that the child has her own opinions, and she is expressing her true feelings.
Fu Seoul's son is known as the "little expert of motherhood".
But Fu Seoul felt that his son showed super logic when he talked back.
For example, there was such a conversation between her and her son.
Is it okay for mom to give you a beautiful sister?
How do you know that you must be a sister when you are born?
Not necessarily.
How do you know it must be pretty?
Not necessarily.
Every sentence made Fu Seoul feel that his son showed his thinking and understanding of the world.
Therefore, she allowed her son to talk back, and also hoped that his son would express his inner feelings and say what he thought.
As parents, we don't have to be angry at our children's "talking back" as a provocation.
Rather, it should be seen as a sign of the child's growth.
Ask a few more questions:
Baby, what do you think of it?
What do you think about this, my dear?
Mom didn't even think about it, why are you so good!
Allow the child to speak, allow the child to refute, and you may be able to have unexpected gains.
The University of Virginia followed up with 150 13-year-olds and found that:
Children who often argue with their parents at home are more able to cope with differences of opinion from the outside world and are more able to bear pressure calmly.
Therefore, parents should also understand in their hearts that obedience is not a necessary quality for a child, but independent thinking is.
The courage to question, argue, and talk back is precisely the manifestation of the development of children's independence and critical thinking.
I've heard such a story.
A 12-year-old boy was called a parent by a teacher because of an argument with someone at school.
Dad came to school, didn't say a word, and slapped Tong Tong twice.
Tong Tong cried and roared: "They bullied me first, why can't they fight back?" ”
Unexpectedly, Dad beat harder: "Are you still justified in beating someone?" I'll let you talk back! ”
In fact, the angry father did not understand the child's words.
The so-called "backtalking" is nothing more than a label that parents deliberately put on their children when their authority is challenged.
In Tong Tong's logic, he believes that hitting people is wrong and that he should protect himself.
However, his judgment was not recognized, and his need for love was not met.
At this time, his so-called backmouth was just complaining about his grievances.
Parents must not rush to judge when encountering this situation.
Try to talk about:
I know you've been wronged~
Come here, mom hug.
If there is anything unhappy in your heart, you can say it slowly~
Only by giving children the opportunity to speak and embracing them with love can they have enough sense of security and worth.
Unfortunately, many parents often take their children with a condescending attitude, do not take his words seriously, and judge and doubt their children at will.
This will not only break the child's heart, but also bias his values.
Being able to be happy and happy with your child also allows him to be angry, sad, wronged, and disappointed.
Only then can children feel unconditional love and be willing to find better solutions.
Psychology expert Cong Feicong once said:
It's important what the child is thinking.
Only when you really get to know him, understand him, and become his friend, can you really care about his growth.
Accept and understand emotions first, and then regulate behaviors and guide children correctly.
This kind of education will not only make children feel loved, but also learn the rules.
Writer Ni Kuang once said:
The main reason for the progress of mankind is that the next generation does not listen to the previous generation.
Therefore, don't treat your child's backtalk as a flood beast.
You must know that a child has the opportunity to talk on an equal footing in front of his parents and be able to be respected by his parents.
Then he can be more confident when he goes out of the house and deals with the outside world.
As a parent, all you have to do is to teach your children to talk back or argue in a civilized and rational way.
May you give your child room to speak and give him room to grow.