How do we make more and more friends in our lives? How to have good interpersonal relationships? In the Analects, Confucius specifically tells the story of Boyi Shuqi. Confucius said: "Uncle Boyi does not remember the old evil, and resentment is to use Xi." ”
Bo Yi and Shu Qi were the two princes of Guzhu Jun at the end of the Shang Dynasty. According to legend, Gu Zhujun ordered the third son and uncle Qi to be the king. After the death of Guzhujun, Shu Qi gave way to Bo Yi, but Bo Yi did not accept it, and Shu Qi did not succeed to the throne. King Wu of Zhou fell, and the two buckled their horses to admonish them. After King Wu destroyed the Shang, they ate Zhou Su shamefully, picked roses and ate, and starved to death in Shouyang Mountain. This is the story left by Boyi and Shuqi to future generations.
Boyi and Shuqi are sages. Why are there more and more people supporting them? Because they do not remember the old evils. Not remembering the old evil means that others have done something sorry for him, and he doesn't remember or care about what others treat him badly. Cao Cao is a person who does not miss the old evils, so he has many friends, fierce generals like clouds, and ministers like rain. In life, as long as this is done, then we will have more and more friends.
Wagangzhai is the place where the famous Wagang Army uprising took place in the last years of the Sui Dynasty. Zhai Rang, the owner of the village, is a big boss, but he is righteous, like Chao Gai in "Water Margin". He just united a large number of heroes at the beginning, and gradually took shape, and later the arrival of Li Mi brought about a qualitative change in the Wagang army. Li Mi is a brave and resourceful person, and he is very wise. After he planned several big events, Wagangzhai gained momentum. Zhai Rang was very generous, so he gave the owner of Wagangzhai to Li Mi. But Li Mi was narrow-minded, and felt that Zhai Rang would give him the position of the owner of the village, and he would definitely take it back, so he made the first move, and at a banquet, Li Mi arranged for someone to hack Zhai Rang to death, and also killed several of Zhai Rang's subordinates.
When I saw this episode, I knew that Li Mi was not a good person. Why? No one dared to be nice to him. Later, the hearts of the heroes of Wagangzhai were cold. Later, the heroes of Wagangzhai were divided into two groups, one voted for Li Jiancheng and the other voted for Li Shimin. Li Shimin is broad-minded, and his power is the strongest. At that time, Wei Zheng had been assisting Li Jiancheng, and he said that he must kill the king of Qin. If we can't kill them, our lives will be in danger. But Li Jiancheng was soft-hearted and couldn't do it. After the Xuanwumen Incident, Li Shimin killed his brother Li Jiancheng and his younger brother Li Yuanji. Later, after Li Shimin saw Wei Zheng, he asked Wei Zheng why he wanted to separate the feelings between their brothers, Wei Zheng said that this was all forced by the situation, and if Li Jiancheng had listened to my opinion at that time, he would not have had this fate today. With just such a sentence, Li Shimin glanced at Wei Zhenggao and felt that Wei Zheng was an upright person, so he reused him. Later, Li Shimin and Wei Zheng also achieved a good story of "Ming Jun and Zhichen".
It's very important not to remember the old evils. Never think about the bad of others for you, and always think about the good of others for yourself. So, how can we do it without thinking about the old evils?
First, take into account the overall situation, and be tolerant.
This point, the red culture is called the united front, uniting all the forces that can be united. In the Battle of Siping, the People's Liberation Army suffered very heavy losses, and the Kuomintang general Chen Mingren, who commanded the battle, later rebelled peacefully, surrendered without a fight, and became the founding general of the republic.
Lao Tzu said that "the big system is not cut", that is, we must have a concept of the overall situation, and do everything to pay attention to the results, not to pay attention to emotions. And thinking about the old evil will have bad consequences: first, bad things; The second bad guy. The bad thing is that if I keep dwelling on some bad things, then sooner or later there will be bad things, there will be mischief, and you can't do anything. The bad guy is that if you push a person who might be a friend to be your enemy, you will bring unnecessary trouble and bad luck to yourself.
Not thinking about the old evil is to understand from the heart that the other person's evil is just an emotion, which has passed, and do not cling to it. Moreover, the other party's evil is considered evil in our hearts, but it is not considered evil in the other person's heart, because the angle is different.
Someone once said that Xue Mo is not a good person. When my friend gave me the news, I said, I can't do it myself. I can't say right or wrong, because he thinks I'm not good, I'm sure I'm not good at something, and he won't say I'm bad at writing. He would say that Xue Mo was not good for his friends, his classmates, and his relatives. That's definitely not good, because what he thinks is bad, not what I think is bad. He thinks that it is not good for Xue Mo not to drink with us. It's definitely not good, I don't drink with them per se. For example, in the past, when my friends moved and built a house, others congratulated me, but if I didn't congratulate them, everyone thought I was bad. That's right. Why? I should go, but I don't have time, I have more important things to do, and I won't participate in ordinary entertainments. Therefore, if they say that the snow desert is not good, it must be bad; If you say no, then it must not work. In this way, fully accept what others say about you, fully accept the gift of fate to you, fully accept everything in the world, and do not argue.
Second, the consequences are more important than the wrong, and harmony is higher than disputes.
We have to understand that all consequences come from details, and all disasters come from villains. Without exception. Many of the troubles in our lives come from small things, and many big disasters come from details.
Once, when a king entertained his ministers, one of them offended him and made him very unhappy. So, at the banquet, each minister had a pot of meat and a pair of chopsticks in front of him, but there was no place in front of this minister. The minister asked the king, "Why is there no mine?" And the king said, To-day there is no thee. When the minister heard this, he was very unhappy, so he said, "If you don't give it to me, I want to eat it." Then he dipped his finger in the king's broth and put it in his mouth and tasted it. The king was angry, and took his sword and went to kill him, and the vizier fled. After fleeing, the minister felt that the king would not give up, so he gathered his own friends and killed the king. It's a little bit of emotion that leads to the murder. So, let's always remember that the consequences are the most important and the harmony is the most important.
Harmony is precious, and reconciliation is the characteristic of Chinese civilization. Why is there peace in the Chinese nation? Because in the early years, the Chinese nation mainly fought against enemies, you killed me, I killed you, and slaughtered each other. In the early years, the Tibetan area was still like this, and there were often enemies. Therefore, Tibetan culture is very interesting: on the one hand, it believes in Buddhism and advocates non-killing; On the other hand, there is a focus on revenge. For example, in my novel "I Know Who You Are", I wrote about the enemies in Tibet, tearing each other apart, and finally killing each other in a mess and not having peace. Of course, this is also the case in Handi. Later, people felt that it was not okay to kill like this, and no one would have a good life. When is the time for retribution? As a result, some areas have appeared and. Because of reconciliation, mutual hatred and grievances will be slowly resolved, and a kind of harmony will emerge in society.
Then, if there is a conflict between us and our friends, we must reconcile and not remember the old evils. In the rural areas of the west, many women will "chew their tongues" when they get together, and they will talk noisily, as said in the "Desert Sacrifice", which is nothing more than the fact that the east and the west are short of three monks and five eyes. Every time I go back to my hometown, some old ladies will also nag about this, so I will laugh and it will sound funny. Why, then, does the old lady like to nag about these things? The first thought of the old evil; Second, catharsis is needed. Therefore, when we hear family members or friends say this, we must understand that he is venting, venting those unhappiness in the past. Of course, catharsis is also thinking about old evils, and thinking about old evils has become an instinct for him.
At the same time, the Chinese nation has renewed its mediation. It is very good that a settlement can be reached through the mediation of both parties. There is also and dilute mud. It is a person who appears in the middle of the two, who does not talk about right and wrong, and does not talk about who is right and who is wrong. Liangzhou people are like this, the two families have a conflict, as soon as they drink, the middleman says, forget it, don't mention it again. This is not remembering the old evils. The most brilliant politicians are the best at and muddy. For example, if there is a dispute between two countries over a certain place, one side says, "Let's put aside the dispute, develop together, and leave this problem to future generations." It's a kind of harmony, and it's remarkable.
There is also a kind of peacemaker. The outcome of all disputes is nothing more than two kinds: good and bad. Now, we think that peacemakers are bad, but in traditional Chinese culture, we think it is very good, which belongs to a way of accumulating virtue, that is, not to dwell on the past and avoid retribution. When we look at some problems from a historical perspective, we will find that what is bad now is not necessarily bad in the future. Therefore, in China's concept of justice, harmony is precious, family harmony is prosperous, and gentlemen are not equal, all of which are the spirit of harmony advocated by Chinese culture.
Third, don't talk about right and wrong behind your back. In addition to judging at work or cultivating talents, I don't talk about right and wrong at other times, especially not about the rights and wrongs of people who have nothing to do with me.
In the past, when a writer said bad things about Xue Mo in front of Teacher Radar, Teacher Lei said, I have known Xue Mo for 20 years, and I have never heard him say anything bad about a writer. Is that right? That's right! I always do my best. The mouth is not a bad character.
As the sun treats us, then we treat the world. The sun doesn't shine on you more just because you praise it. The sun will not shine on a dog just because it barks at it a few times. So, how to repay virtue? Like me, I can't repay my grievances directly, but I don't repay my grievances with virtue, I just go with him and do my best. In this regard, I am different from Confucius and Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu repays grievances with virtue, and when others treat him badly, he repays grievances with his own virtue. I am being myself, I don't care at all, and I am always good to others.
Don't mention it, don't say it, don't think about it, don't care, this is the "five nos" that Xue Mo treats the world. Friends come and cherish everything; When his friend is gone, bless him; The next time you encounter it, you will still cherish it. In your own world, the present is the most important, so if you do a good job in every moment, you will do a good job in your life.
——Written on July 11, 2021 in Wuwei Xuemo Academy