Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
In the besieged city of marriage, we are accustomed to seeing "infidelity" as our greatest enemy.
Many people will regard it as a flood beast, as if as soon as it appears, the marriage will come to a desperate situation, and there is no possibility of saving.
In fact, in real married life, there is one behavior, although it is silent, but it is more hurtful than "infidelity" - that is, indifference.
01
Indifference is the invisible "killer" of marriage
We can imagine that when you come home from work, you are happy to have a chat with your partner.
As a result, the other party only responds to you with indifferent "um" and "oh", how will you feel?
The feeling of being splashed with a basin of cold water on the head, probably that's it.
This indifference, like an invisible knife, pierces deep into your heart. It doesn't bleed, but it will make your heart ache.
Apathy is often more desperate than quarrels.
Even if there is a quarrel, at least the two people still have the willingness to communicate and communicate. Apathy, on the other hand, is a kind of complete abandonment and disregard.
In an indifferent marital relationship, the husband and wife are like two parallel lines, never intersecting.
Many couples are in such a state, and after a long time, the relationship is dull. In other words, there are too many daily conflicts and quarrels, and the relationship between them becomes more and more cold.
In the end, no matter what you say, the other party is perfunctory and indifferent. After a long time, you will no longer have the desire to explain, and the relationship between the two people will only be estranged.
This kind of indifference not only deprives couples of communication opportunities, but also stifles the vitality and warmth of marriage.
As the writer Fyodor Dostoevsky said: "The most terrible pain is apathy, which is the greatest insult to human nature." ”
02
The reason behind the apathy
Why, then, does apathy occur in marriage? There are many reasons behind this.
On the one hand, the trivialities and pressures of daily life often make couples care less about each other.
When work, children, housework, etc., occupy most of our time and energy, there is no thought, or it automatically blocks out emotional needs.
On the one hand, the lack of common interests and hobbies between husband and wife, and the inconsistent requirements for life, will also lead to an infinite increase in the sense of distance between two people.
Just imagine, two people don't even have a topic to talk about, and the communication and interaction are reduced, and they will naturally become indifferent.
In addition, some injuries or contradictions in the past, such as fierce quarrels, big fights, changes of heart on one side, etc., will leave a shadow in our hearts.
People have self-defense functions, and these shadows will make us involuntarily build a "heart wall" and close ourselves, so what will be shown is indifference.
03
How to resolve indifference in marriage
In the face of indifference in marriage, we can try to improve it from the following aspects.
First, try to communicate with your partner.
Find a time to talk openly with your partner about your feelings and thoughts. Express your expectations in a gentle tone instead of blaming or complaining.
Maybe at the beginning, the other party will still be very defensive, unwilling to talk to you more, or even very indifferent, but don't be discouraged. It's about making persistent efforts and communicating more, so that you can slowly melt the coldness of the other party.
Second, find common interests.
It's a good idea to redesign your lives and develop some common interests.
Whether it's going for a walk downstairs together, going on a trip, or going to the movies on the weekend, these are things that we do together. It can enhance the relationship between you and let the relationship slowly warm up.
Also, learn to listen and care for each other.
When you find that your partner has something on your mind, or is obviously in a bad mood, take the initiative to care, comfort them appropriately, or prepare some of his favorite foods for the other person.
These can make the other person feel warm and make your relationship less strained.
Finally, don't forget to run your own life.
For example, keep a positive mindset, complain less, and focus on your inner needs. When you are full of sunshine, you can also bring more positive signals to your partner and soothe your feelings with each other.
Indifference in marriage is like a chronic "poison" that will gradually erode the relationship between you.
However, if we are willing to try to improve, it is possible to revitalize our marriage.
Marriage is not a crash race, but a lasting marathon. Every step requires us to feel, experience, and cherish with our hearts.
Only in this way can we cross the hurdle of "indifference" together and regain the warmth and happiness that belong to marriage.