Recently, a pair of post-90s newlyweds spent 5,000 yuan to hold a "three-no wedding", which appeared on the hot search and caused a lot of heated discussions.
I believe many people will wonder, what is a "three-no wedding"?
The so-called "three-no wedding", simply put, is no convoy, no kissing, no bridesmaids and groomsmen.
The "wedding car" of the young couple is a few shared bicycles decorated with latte art and balloons.
It removes the more cumbersome aspects of a traditional wedding, as well as the huge amount of money and effort required. The main focus of "Three No Weddings" is a minimalist, money-saving and labor-saving.
By analogy, various forms such as "four no weddings" and "five no weddings" have been derived from no master of ceremonies, no sensational links, and no wedding banquets.
More and more young people have also begun to post their "three-no weddings" on the Internet.
According to the words of a netizen: "This generation of young people seems to be getting married in a very real way." ”
Looking back at the three-nil wedding held last month.
The up master @康呦 was ridiculed by his colleagues, that is, after work, he took the time to get married.
The nature of his work with his girlfriend is that they work all year round and often work overtime. In addition, both of them have little expectation for the tedious wedding ceremony.
So the two sides hit it off, and after obtaining the consent of their parents, they saved all the links that could be saved, and held a three-no wedding with "only eating a banquet".
There is no wedding celebration at the wedding, and the video photography is all ready-made, which is served by Akang's colleagues and friends, and the whole process is recorded.
There is no luxury fleet, Akang rented a business car, which is spacious enough and quite comfortable to sit on.
Photo source @ Kang Yo Hey
didn't pick up relatives and blocked the door, Akang didn't have to get up early, he woke up naturally at half past eight, and then went to pick up the bride.
On the way to pick up the bride, in the face of the blockage of the door spontaneously organized by relatives, the bride's class appeared in time to resolve this little episode.
Xu is missing the sensational part of the wedding, and the atmosphere of the wedding looks much more cheerful.
The little couple calculated that the biggest expense of the whole trip was the suits and two sets of dresses purchased for both parties, which only cost more than 10,000 yuan.
Photo source @ Kang Yo Hey
The real consumption of the wedding is still the banquet, and the link is still the main focus on saving money.
There was no host, no lottery, and after a brief speech by the bride and groom, everyone began to use chopsticks to cook.
The whole wedding is more like a big party of eating and drinking with family and friends.
Perhaps, as Akang said:
Although there are no ornate ceremonies and touching language, we believe that the happiness and ups and downs brought by joining hands together in the future are the most powerful witnesses of our feelings.
Photo source @ Kang Yo Hey
In their eyes, the biggest meaning of the wedding is to reassure their parents and get together with relatives and friends they haven't seen for a long time.
It is different from the "three-no wedding" of Akang Banban's pure banquet.
Netizen @露辣's wedding, except for the groom, did not invite any friends, even the parents of both parties, did not attend.
Lu La and her husband went to the edge of Sailimu Lake in Xinjiang and held a dream wedding for the two of them, from exchanging rings to swearing to each other, the whole process was videotaped.
Photo source @ Lu La
After the wedding, go home and hold a thank-you banquet and make a video for relatives and friends to watch. This kind of travel + thank-you banquet wedding is the "destination wedding" that is very popular in a book at the moment.
This idea came to Lu Ra after browsing the cost of the wedding company.
According to the "2021 China Marriage Consumption New Normal User Behavior Insight Report", the average cost of marriage for newlyweds is 231,000 yuan.
Every piece of scenery and decency that can show in front of people is piled up with a little bit of money.
In fact, it is. Lu La has calculated that the platform set up for the wedding alone will cost 40,000 or 50,000 yuan, and the cost can be said to be uncapped.
Photo source @ Lu La
The destination wedding is a wedding + wedding photos + honeymoon three-in-one, and the whole cost plus the air ticket is less than 30,000.
The thank-you banquet held when I came back was also simple, purely inviting guests to dinner, and saving more than 100,000 yuan.
The whole process not only satisfies the sense of ritual pursued by the newcomers, but also satisfies the basic human sophistication, so that relatives and friends have a certain degree of participation, and do not delay the collection of money.
The main cost-effective "destination wedding" perfectly fits her expectations for the wedding.
Whether it is the link or the cost, these young people's "three no-weddings" can be omitted, and they have no reservations.
Even some newlyweds omitted the wedding.
Netizen @野阿罗 and his wife did not hold a banquet and chose to travel to get married.
Every time they go to a beautiful place, the two set up a happy word to take pictures, and use their unique romantic way to celebrate the blossoming of this relationship.
Photo source @ Wild Arrow
Rather than following the mainstream, more and more young people are choosing to "spend their money where they are", prioritizing their personal feelings and spending money on what they feel is meaningful.
Say no early compared to these young people;
Many people start preparing for marriage, and even after the wedding, they have a "rebellious" heart towards traditional weddings.
Netizen @tadpole's nest was in the process of preparing for marriage, only to find that traditional weddings have so many bad habits.
What she feels most uncomfortable about is "leaving her mother's meat", which means that her daughter is a piece of meat on her mother's body, and now that she is married, her in-laws have to send a piece of meat to her mother's family.
Photo source @tadpole's nest
There are not a few people who feel the same way in the comment area.
Everyone complained about the strange and bad habits they had encountered.
For example, at the wedding, there was a sign that made the father-in-law smear black ash on his face and bring a "dust" sign, alluding to "cheating with his daughter-in-law".
In other places, it is stipulated that two boys should go to the newcomer's new house to roll the bed, and the girls should not be half a step closer;
Others, in order to establish rules for their daughter-in-law, killed chickens in front of the bride and made her sit in the basket for 20 minutes in the cold;
In some places, in the name of "marriage", the bride and groom are sprayed with all kinds of foam ribbons, and they will not stop until they are tossed.
Image source network
Traditional Chinese weddings pay attention to a "noisy", and the more noisy it is, the more popular it is.
The bride and groom often become kidnapped "tool people" who must be completed according to one procedure after another.
Even if you are so embarrassed by the bad customs of weddings cloaked in "traditional" customs, you can only force a smile.
The high cost of weddings and the annoying bad habits of weddings have made more and more young people want to get rid of the "traditional" strike.
However, it's not that simple.
is like a netizen ridiculed: "My wedding is not my wedding, it is the social face of my parents." ”
In the minds of some parents, a wedding is not a matter for two young people. It is a "closing ceremony" that belongs to their parents, and even rises to the issue of decency of the entire family.
Liu Jia, a girl born in the 90s, broke out a fierce quarrel with her parents because of the three-no wedding.
She wanted to have a different kind of wedding, just like having a big party, singing and dancing.
Therefore, I hope that the wedding banquet will be held at the farm in the evening, so that she can dance and interact with the guests.
However, the mother, who was a hotel catering, strongly objected, believing that no one would set the wedding venue in the hotel.
As for the time of the wedding, the parents also couldn't understand: "You are not a second marriage, why don't you hold it at night?" ”
They can't accept that Liu Jia will make the wedding nondescript, how to face the eyes of relatives and friends.
After Liu Jia's husband's aunt learned about it, she frequently called to try to persuade her nephew to give up this idea.
These opposing voices made Liu Jia suffer from depression for a while.
If you can't do it, who will do it, and what should I do......
On the surface, it may just be the right to host a wedding, but behind this, there is a collision of new and old concepts, and there is a hidden sorting and transfer of family power.
It is to continue the mode of getting along with the original family, where the parents have the final say, and the power of the parents is still dominant;
still insist on saying no, and the power of the parents begins to cede to the offspring;
This is almost a difficult problem for most young people.
Regarding this issue, netizen @houchangcuncunhua was very firm from the beginning.
Her parents not only disagreed, but also wanted to intervene in every detail and go according to their ideas.
In this regard, she did not back down, and summed up a set of her own solutions.
Photo source @ Houchang Village Village
First of all, economic independence can have a certain right to speak.
In terms of the cost of the wedding, the young couple paid for it and refused the assistance of their parents.
If you need parental assistance, then parents should naturally have the right to speak about the wedding.
Secondly, unreasonable demands are directly refused.
In the process of advancing the wedding, the parents of both parties also threw out some problems from time to time: they did not agree to hold only one event, there was no need to control the budget, and they could not hold it in the hotel......
In order to test whether they could give in, these questions were all thrown back by the two.
In the end, the conflict is shifted, let the parents of both sides roll up, and don't focus on the two.
Parents want to save face and want them to cover all the expenses of the relatives to attend the wedding.
They then tell the other parent about the good behavior and express their appreciation, so that the parent can adjust some of their outrageous behavior as soon as possible.
Through the large-scale family collaboration project of the wedding, both parents clearly perceive their sense of boundaries and learn to respect their ideas.
She and her partner also gradually broke away from their roles as sons and daughters of each other's original families and formed a small family of their own.
In the process of taking back the leadership of the wedding, she deeply felt:
How important it is to have the confidence to be yourself.
In this regard, netizen @Super Invincible Lucky Princess also feels the same way.
After holding the three-no wedding, she gradually found that she was not only opposed to traditional weddings, but the traditional wedding concept behind it.
For example, the "kissing" link emphasizes that the woman leaves her original family and has since integrated into the man's big family;
Photo source @Super Invincible Lucky Princess
For example, the classic sensational scene of the father's handover. From her father's hands to her spouse's hands, she felt as if she had lost her sense of being an independent individual.
These rituals are emphasizing: whose daughter she has changed from to whose partner, and the passive role of these "subordinates" makes her not very fond of it.
It's as if a woman always needs to be taken care of by a man. But she feels that she has always been an independent individual, and the choice of life has always been in her hands.
The marriage she wants is only about love and equality.
Shen Yifei, an associate professor in the Department of Sociology at Fudan University, said:
In the past, the society emphasized the interests of the family, the survival of the individual was mainly dependent on the family, and the meaning of marriage was mainly to pass on the family lineage, so the marriage in the past was mostly "fate marriage";
Contemporary society attaches more importance to individual interests, people are no longer pursuing survival but living better, the meaning of marriage is mainly to achieve personal happiness, so marriage in modern society is called "love marriage".
From this point of view, the prevalence of three-no weddings today is the awakening of more and more young people's self-consciousness in marriage.
Behind the pursuit, it also reflects their true yearning for marriage:
It's love, it's equality, it's freedom.
Of course, it doesn't matter if you get married, but it's also good if you're alone.
At all times, it is equally important to recognize what you need and what you don't need, not to be kidnapped by the outside world, and to follow your inner voice.
I wish you and I the freedom to choose.