Chen Chunmei, who used to be a glamorous manager of the world's top 500 American-funded foreign companies, is about to complete her 10-month internship at the age of 42.
She passed the law exam with a high score in the first battle, and is now a trainee lawyer, with a brisk tone and bright eyes, she gets up at half past five every morning to study and exercise, and then walks into the door of the law firm with exquisite makeup, full of vitality at the beginning of the second curve of career development.
But before deciding to take the bar exam at the end of April 2022, she was wrapped up in a mid-life crisis like a landslide, and she was sitting at the lowest point in her life - 40 years old, Beipiao, mother of two children, unemployed at home for nearly 3 years, although the child's father is still making money, the family life is poor, because there is still a mortgage to repay and the elderly to manage.
When people reach middle age, it is not uncommon for life to turn their tracks. If you consider the standard of the company she is employed for, the 41-year-old Wu Fang in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, has a longer "window period", from 2012 to 2020, she did not go to work for 8 years, during which with the vigorous development of e-commerce, one person will Taobao store from 0 to crown, and because of the rise of the new platform, traffic transfer from 2015 to physical stores, 36 years old investment failure and closure of the store.
Stills from "We Are Not Good Enough".
She was recently watching the hit drama "We Are Not Kind Enough", in which the 39-year-old bright and capable Rebecca independently practiced and planned according to her own wishes, and her account deposit was about NT$620,000 (about 140,000 yuan), but if she wanted to retire at the age of 50, she had to save at least NT$20 million. The female supervisor played by Liu Ruoying warned her: "People will get old, money will depreciate, 40-year-old has no right to think about what you like, 40-year-old can only think about things to take precautions." ”
Wu Fang took a screenshot with a heavy heart.
Like a coincidence, the first 10 seconds of the episode are an architect's certificate, and the voiceover knocks on her heart: "Hey, what is your next goal? How much pain you must go through in order to reach that goal, have you calculated?" In order to make steady progress in the current construction company information clerk and have the opportunity to choose actively, Wu Fang's second construction (second-level construction engineer qualification examination) preparation has reached its fifth year.
The "post-80s" generation of women has witnessed the changes in the world and the expansion and fragmentation of the industry bubble. In the mess, they get up early to study and return to work, like Scarlett who has survived the disaster, crouching beside the ridges of the destroyed manor, trying to chew the muddy radishes that have not had time to wipe with their dresses.
Stills from "We Are Not Good Enough".
They tell the world that the second half of their lives has just begun, and that they still have the skills they can use to exchange their value for this cruel market. What is precious is not only a paper certificate, but also the determination to stabilize oneself and grasp life in the rolling torrent of the times.
18 hours per day
Since the end of the subjective exam in the spring of 2023, Chen Chunmei is no longer willing to walk into the 24-hour library at her doorstep. Examinees always like to laugh and say that "as soon as you do the question, you will become a person with no civil capacity", passing by and recalling the tense atmosphere of day and night in the late preparation for the exam, her stomach will always honestly ache.
Before the age of 35, her life was always upward. She graduated from an ordinary university in Shandong with an English major, and after failing the graduate school entrance examination, she stumbled to Beijing in order to realize her dream of a famous school, but she entered the top 500 as a gold collar with the popular foreign language major at that time, with good benefits and low work pressure. In more than 10 years of foreign company career, getting married, giving birth to daughters, and buying a house are a matter of course, and the monthly salary has also increased to more than 20,000 yuan.
She and her husband are optimistic about their income level and believe that they are fully capable of raising two children. In 2018, she was admitted to the MBA of China University of Political Science and Law in the hope of seeking a career breakthrough, and when she was pregnant with her second child while studying, she never expected that the change of the situation would be transmitted to her personal work so quickly. In 2019, she was suddenly made redundant.
In the spring of 2022, when her youngest son reached the age of almost three, she was determined to find her "confident and busy life" after nearly three years. After she begged the kindergarten principal to accept her son, she submitted thousands of resumes, most of which were in vain, and only two small companies with a salary of several thousand yuan notified her of the interview, but in the end she was not hired. At the end of April, she took the law exam as the last straw, and there were only four and a half months left before the objective exam in September.
Chen Chunmei is interning at a law firm/Source: Photo provided by the interviewee
She didn't have the extra money to sign up for classes, and she was reluctant to buy even genuine books. She remembers very well that on May 1, she received a law exam book purchased for 110 yuan, and her husband helped take care of the children during the holidays. On May 3, she began to have a high fever, sat at the computer and thought "what else do I have left after losing the ability to learn", tears kept flowing, but she felt that she was not even qualified to cry.
After the fever subsided, she found a "stupid way", the teacher said, she followed the repetition, soon, she could understand, the daily learning time increased to 10 hours, planning that the child can enter the state to catch up with the progress after returning to school, the school was closed due to the epidemic, and she fell into a panic again.
Fortunately, my husband was also working from home at the time, and the two continued to cooperate. Every morning at 6 o'clock, she gets up and pours a cup of strong black coffee until 9 o'clock, after her husband goes to work, she begins to supervise her daughter's online classes and take care of her son, at 12 o'clock her husband's lunch break she starts to listen to classes until 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and at 6 o'clock her husband gets off work and then learns to 10 o'clock in the evening, sparing no effort to maintain at least 9 hours of study.
Finally in early July, she hurriedly sent her children back to her hometown, and entered into the non-stop recitation and past question training at six in the morning and twelve in the evening, "when she was hungry, she listened to the class while mixing cold dishes and making noodles", and there was no rest for 18 hours. At the end of July, she moved to the library, and her weight increased by 10 pounds due to sitting for a long time, and her lumbar spine hurt so badly that "I still can't sleep lying down."
Chen Chunmei once posted weight loss tips on her social media account/Source: Photo provided by the interviewee
Psychological anxiety is a more severe test, before the exam she began to stress diarrhea, even if the objective question score of 202 points exceeded the score line of 22 points, she did not dare to relax: "I always feel that the objective question is luck, and the subjective question is real." However, due to the epidemic, the one-month time that was originally in full swing to review the subjective questions was repeatedly delayed, and the gossip made her uneasy.
She swayed left and right in the double uncertainty of her life path and exam time, and her psychological defense line repeatedly collapsed. In the end, the exam was postponed for 6 months, "during which it was the ultimate torture", and in that half a year, she typed and scrapped a newly bought low-end mechanical keyboard, "because it takes a lot of hard work to press it, and the strength on her fingers is much greater than that of ordinary people."
Chen Chunmei will never forget the moment at 8 a.m. on April 22, 2023, when the subjective questions were checked. She sent her child to school early, and when she came home, she turned on the computer, her hands trembling to the point that she couldn't enter her own information, and the blood around her body seemed to be clotted.
"Later, my husband said that I had passed, and I still sat there and didn't react. What has passed? Is it me? Is it really me? What is the cut-off score?" Seeing the 126 points passed with a high score on the screen and the moment I got the admission to Xintiandi in the legal industry, it was like a century had passed.
Chen Chunmei's qualification certificate/Source: Courtesy of the interviewee
She came back to her senses and finally began to cry: "I don't know why I'm crying, I just feel so wronged, so wronged." ”
For the sake of life
Wu Fang also had an unforgettable cry.
On October 7, 2019, because she did not have continuous working capital, she finally made up her mind to close the loss-making physical store, preparing to find a job seriously, "no matter how you go to work, you will make money, and you will not lose any more".
The epidemic came suddenly, she stayed at home until mid-March 2020 before she had the opportunity to go out, which is equivalent to being completely unemployed for 6 months, she has no education, and she graduated from secondary school from the county to Zhengzhou, the provincial capital, "35 years old and over returning to the workplace, mental and physical fitness are declining, there are really few opportunities, second-tier cities are not better than the first-tier, many jobs do not pay social security, not to mention double rest, single rest is not." ”
Wu Fang's daughter is already in primary school, and she hopes to accompany her children on weekends, so she finally had to choose a telesales job with an 8-to-6, weekend single off, and a monthly salary of 3,000. She just entered the industry and didn't know how to speak, and the functional departments strictly controlled telemarketing out of anti-fraud, "people either didn't answer or hung up", no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't complete the 120-minute effective call duration assessment every day.
Wu Fang's learning materials/Source: Courtesy of the interviewee
One morning, she hurried to work on an electric scooter and knocked her leg to avoid an oncoming car. The driver of the car drove away regardless of it, she didn't care about crying out in pain, picked up the car and bled and "limped to clock in to work".
In the afternoon, her daughter was waiting for her in the painting class, and she couldn't pick up the child from work if she couldn't complete the sales task. "Everyone else can fight enough, why can't I beat enough?" After getting off work, on the side of the road, she couldn't help but break down and cry as she talked to her little colleague who had known her for a few days.
Tears are not only for the rush and small pain, but also for the huge pressure that sweeps every corner of life. In 2017, she and her husband bought a house at the high point of house prices and interest rates, so they emptied their family, and at the end of 2019, when she had no income, the new house was delivered.
In the first half of 2020, she was busy with decoration, in order to save money, "only did the most basic water, electricity, ground, and wall decoration, and moved into a new home with her children without beds, wardrobes and other furniture, and slept on the floor for more than a month", Rao is so, there are also about 100,000 decoration expenses, and as soon as she opens her eyes, she will face a monthly mortgage of 5,400 yuan and a decoration loan of 5,300 yuan.
Wu Fang's new house was delivered, and the floor was laid under the pressure of loans/Source: Photo provided by the interviewee
A large amount of fixed expenses hung over his head, and his half-lying husband went out to work part-time to open Didi, "he is not a professional, he doesn't have much, and he earns relatively little." She can only rejoice that "at least the house is not finished", wipe away her tears and find a way out.
Maybe it's the "law of attraction", the way out will come soon, in August 2020, she finally completed the sales task, and simply resigned directly, and her cousin, who was doing engineering, knew her difficulties and came to introduce Wu Fang to work. "There is a project to recruit, do you want to go?" Wu Fang immediately decided: "Go!"
My cousin couldn't drive, so Wu Fang partnered with her and drove her around the various construction sites. My cousin will also ask her to help when she undertakes some small projects and "private work". If you just do a fixed construction project, it may take 2 to 3 years to go through the whole life cycle and master the method of editing and archiving data at each stage, but Wu Fang is exposed to several different construction stages of the project at the same time, and the growth rate has increased, and the salary of her own job is 5,000 a month, and she can get two or three thousand more a month as a part-time job for a small engineering project, "Seven or eight thousand a month for women in Zhengzhou is already very high."
Wu Fang realized that she had entered a profession that required strong professional skills and could prompt her to have a skill. My cousin has rich work experience, and from 2013 to 2014, she took two professional certificates in construction and municipal administration of the second construction, when the certificates were scarce, and the affiliated unit had an additional income of about 30,000 yuan per year.
Wu Fang is studying/Source: Photo provided by the interviewee
The most intuitive benefit of the second construction is the cash value, Wu Fang in Zhengzhou according to the flexible employment to pay social security to spend about 9,000 yuan per year, if the certificate, even if the certificate is no longer as scarce as in the past, the employer will also give a certificate more than 5,000 yuan of subsidies every year, due to the "integration of people and certificates" provisions, the unit will also pay social security for her.
In September 2020, she signed up for academic improvement, took the adult entrance exam in October, took a college certificate, and also began to study to prepare for the second construction exam. There are three subjects in the second construction examination: construction management, engineering regulations and professional practice, of which the practice is divided into 6 majors, and you can get the certificate after taking three subjects in two consecutive years.
Wu Fang chose to take the municipal administration major with low risk but high difficulty first. At the end of October, she walked into the examination room for the first time with the mentality of trying, and she was only three or four points short of passing the two subjects of regulation and management. Since then, she has started a long road of studying from March to May every year.
In the midst of the torrent
If Wu Fang's five-year research process is a movie, it will be very montage. The table in the old house has become a new desk full of "middle-aged girl's heart" that she has arranged on the balcony of the new house, and under the warm yellow lamp, the orchid grass spreads out its flowers and leaves, and she herself has been sitting in front of the stack of books and computers until June every year.
In the background, it may be her happy friends — from March to May, when the birds are singing and the flowers are singing, "they all go to Zibo for a barbecue and camp under the kind of tent with small lanterns," and she still gave up all entertainment this year to get a license.
"I didn't care much about it at first, but I started to get anxious when I didn't take the exam for two years. In 2021, she only passed one subject of regulations, and in 2022, she prepared for both management and practice exams, and she did not pass either subject. The cycle is general, back to the starting point, "I felt that I had to take this matter seriously last year, rushed to take the three subjects, I was too afraid of failure, and the mental pressure was huge, so I could only overdraft my body." ”
Notice of Henan Provincial Secondary Construction Engineer Qualification Examination
She got up at 5:30 every day to catch the first subway at 6 o'clock, rushed from her northernmost home in the city to the southernmost project site, and after a busy day, she started at 8 o'clock in the evening and learned more than 11 o'clock, with a full schedule, day after day. Endocrine disorders go to the doctor, and the doctor bluntly says "you know why". When I answered the question at the end of last year, "I trembled with my handwriting, and I didn't finish the paper on the regulations, so I definitely couldn't pass it, and I passed the other two subjects after I finished writing." Wu Fang said.
While being so diligent, Wu Fang also knows that the construction industry is showing decline. Real estate in the period of rapid development attracted a large number of practitioners influx, and now the industry is tightened, more monks porridge less, some people have been chasing the next outlet, "before did Party A has a certain ability, a lot of have been transferred to the new energy, photovoltaic industry." "Construction companies are also more likely to favor staff who bring their own certificates.
After the "7.20" heavy rain disaster in Zhengzhou in 2021, she felt that the number of new projects was rapidly decreasing, and the capital chain of many construction companies was broken. She was also affected, originally there were more than 100,000 credit card lines to maintain the repayment of the loan, after the disaster, the part-time small construction site suddenly stopped work and has not recovered, her income plummeted, "the credit card can't hold up and it will explode directly."
She had to find another part-time job, often working at two or three o'clock at night, and wearing a coat in winter for fear that the down jacket would be dirty and difficult to wash, "very cold".
"When I went to move steel bars and test blocks, I felt that life was so difficult, and I was thinking at that time, if I was unemployed immediately, could I only learn to be a housekeeper or a confinement lady? With less than a month to go before this year's exam, she is doing her best to review and prepare for the regulations in order to get her certificate as soon as possible.
The concrete test block used to determine the compressive strength of concrete requires the data clerk to pour and submit for inspection / Source: Courtesy of the interviewee
With the increase in the pass rate after the reform of the legal examination in 2018, the number of certificate holders continues to increase, "rolling badly", fortune is a product of the times, but as an individual can choose the way to be responsible for himself. The biggest advantage of the lawyer industry for her is the freedom of time, and she can decide to handle cases as her main business or side business according to her own business volume, and the uncertainty contains more potential for her personal development.
Chen Chunmei is optimistic by nature: "When I meet a person, I first think that he is a good person, and when I encounter a thing, I first think that I can complete it, there are more than 3,000 law firms in Beijing, and there is always a trainee lawyer position for me, and if I don't do anything, there is no possibility of improvement in my state." ”
She always remembered that when she first entered the industry, she met an 83-year-old grandmother who was also an intern, "After retiring from college, at the age of 80, she suddenly wondered if she could still do something serious", so she took and passed the law exam, "not too late at all". She and two like-minded lawyer partners have formed a small team, and when the internship expires in the second half of this year, she will practice independently, "I have already signed a few cases in my hand".
Wu Fang also feels that the 40-year-old is "quite young", and the "post-80s" generation has caught up with a lot of changes, "When I go to school, I suddenly don't assign work, and when I work, I may suddenly delay retirement, and I must be the group of people who want to work until they retire around the age of 55 to 60." I took the certificate at the age of 41, and the current policy is to use it until the age of 65, so I will have an additional income of 10,000 or 20,000 yuan every year for more than 20 years, which is also worth it. ”
Wu Fang studying at her desk / Source: Courtesy of the interviewee
The research seems to have stimulated the kinetic energy that had been briefly buried in her body, "No matter how tired I am, as long as I sleep, my brain will be clear again the next day", and the consciousness and enthusiasm for development and exploration have returned. She plans to pass the regulations in June, rest and play for a while, and then prepare for the certificate of mechanical and electrical engineering, "It is not too late to start learning in August and September in the second half of the year, and there is a time node, so I don't feel bitter."
Wu Fang envisions that after a few more years of fighting, she will get through the dilemma of "being framed here", "and you can think about it for me after I turn 50." Maybe when the time comes, she will lower her desires and change her house to "Kaifeng and Luoyang, which are very comfortable cities in Henan". She spent 1.3 million yuan to buy a 90-square-meter house in Zhengzhou, while her colleague only spent more than 400,000 yuan on the new house she just bought in Kaifeng...... Then I raised the child, and when she graduated from college and was able to stand on her own, I lived my life the way I liked."
Author | Zu Xiaoqian
Intern|Huang Shanying
Editor-in-Chief on Duty | Huang Mingting
Edit | to the by
Typography | promise