(1) There are many videos and articles on the Internet of daughters' filial piety, saying that when their parents pass away, daughters must keep filial piety for three years. During the period of filial piety, daughters need to wear plain clothes, do not wear makeup, do not go out, do not entertain, do not shave their hair, and do not participate in wedding and funeral celebrations and other activities, so as to maintain a solemn and simple image and express their nostalgia and respect for their relatives. It is also said that this is an important rule of traditional Chinese culture, which helps to cultivate the spirit of filial piety, and so on.
(2) It is safe to say that this is a contemporary custom, and traditional culture has never had such a rule. From the Shang, Zhou, Qin, and Han dynasties to the Song, Yuan, Ming, and Qing dynasties, the Chinese humanities history has been more than 3,000 years, and daughters have lived in mourning and filial piety, limited to unmarried daughters, until the end of the Qing Dynasty and the Republic of China, and the standardized etiquette and official etiquette system have not produced a marriage of women to keep filial piety for three years.
(3) According to the provisions of the etiquette norm text "Etiquette", the funeral of an unmarried girl for her father is a first-class "beheading" for three years, that is, the so-called three years of filial piety. And the married daughter mourns for her father, which is a third-class "great achievement" for nine months. "Tang Kaiyuan Ceremony", "Great Song Dynasty Political Peace Ceremony", "Ming Huidian" and "King James Qing Tongli" are the etiquette system of the imperial court edicts of the Tang, Song, Ming and Qing dynasties.
(4) Since the "New Culture Movement", we have completely denied traditional culture, especially funeral culture. The government advocates and legally establishes equality between men and women, but there is no official rule that a married woman should be mourned for three years. That is to say, etiquette is all old rules, and there is no new way. The daughter's filial piety for three years is a folk saying formed after the rules of the son's three-year mourning. It is not a universal popular practice.
(5) The "Rites" has a provision that "women are not cut twice". That is to say, after a woman gets married, the ceremonial position is transferred from her mother's family to her mother-in-law's family. In the in-laws' house they are family, and in their mother's house they are relatives. Therefore, the etiquette status in the mother's family is downgraded, and the etiquette position in the mother-in-law's family is improved. An unmarried woman's mourning for her parents is a first-class "decay" for three years, but after marriage, mourning for her in-laws is a first-class "decay" for three years, and mourning for her parents is reduced to a third-class "great achievement" for nine months. That is, under specific time and space conditions, the three years of "beheading" is the only one, and the woman cannot occupy both ends of the mother-in-law's family, but can only occupy one head, that is, "no two beheading".
(6) A woman has a lifetime, when she is a child, her parents are the closest at home, when she grows up, she marries into her in-law's family, her husband is the closest, and when her husband is gone, her son is the closest. Even under the current law, the greatest rights and obligations of an unmarried woman are her parents, and the greatest rights and obligations of a married woman are her husband. When God created man, this is how he set up a routine, which is called fate, that is, fate. That is to say, in terms of etiquette, the position of the married woman is in the in-law's family, and after death, she is buried in the ancestral grave of the in-law's family, and enjoys the sacrificial incense of the descendants of the descendants. The in-laws' home is their own home.
(7) Therefore, under the conditions of traditional culture, women "keep filial piety for three years", and they are guarding their in-laws, not their biological parents. The in-laws and husbands are family members, and the parents and brothers are relatives. According to the ancient law of ethics, family relations are greater than blood relations. In the family, both womanhood and motherhood are specific family positions. The person who is in the position of a mother and fulfills the duties of a mother is a mother. Therefore, a stepmother is like a mother, and she is not a mother. The core of etiquette is position, and the so-called position is the position in the family. The woman's place is in her mother-in-law's house, but her mother's house has no place.
(8) Theoretically speaking, according to the general logic of life, when a girl marries, both parents have a dowry. This dowry is the property that the girl gets from her mother's family. Since then, the girl has no property relationship with her mother's family. This is how the ancient society set the social rules of family relations. Chinese civilization has been like this for 5,000 years, and the Republic of China has always been like this.
(9) The current law stipulates that men and women are equal, and women still have the right to inherit property from their parents after marriage, which is contrary to traditional cultural regulations. Saying that a daughter has been filial to her parents for three years is the embodiment of this realistic legal power. However, in actual life, especially in the vast rural areas, there are still many things that follow tradition.
(10) Therefore, always remember that under real life conditions, it is okay for us to talk about our daughter's "three years of filial piety", but this is by no means traditional culture. There is no one in the ancestors.