How to prevent children from becoming the next "fat cat"?

Sunny day psychology He Rihui

2024-05-06 11:56Posted in Guangdong Psychiatrist

In the past May Day holiday, the "Chongqing Fat Cat Incident" aroused the public's attention.

A 21-year-old boy with the online name "Fat Cat", with his extraordinary game talent, became the "No. 1 Mengqi in the national service" of "Glory of Kings", and became the "Tongtian Generation" in the boosting market because of his superb skills, and made a lot of money.

After he met his online girlfriend, 27-year-old Tan Zhu, Tan Zhu kept asking him for money for various reasons. The fat cat saved his own food, ordered cheap takeaway for more than 10 yuan, and gave almost all the money he earned to Tan Zhu.

The chat record between the fat cat and Tan Zhu was circulated on the Internet

Tan Zhu said that she didn't want a "long-distance relationship", so the fat cat took the green train to Chongqing to find her. Tan Zhu said that he didn't want to live together so soon, so the fat cat had to live in a rental house by himself, and there was not even a decent quilt in it.

According to online information, Fat Cat transferred 510,000 yuan to Tan Zhu in 2 years. The two originally agreed to get the certificate in May this year, but Tan Zhu broke up in April. After saving it to no avail, the fat cat transferred 66,666 yuan to Tan Zhu at the last moment of his life, bought hundreds of yuan of flowers in Tan Zhu's flower shop, and finally jumped into the river and died.

The picture comes from the Internet

The tragedy of the fat cat reminds many people of another similar tragedy - Su Xiangmao, the founder and programmer of WePhone, was asked for tens of millions of property by his ex-wife Zhai Xinxin in the name of marriage and love, and was also tragically PUA, and finally Su Xiangmao had a nervous breakdown and committed suicide by jumping off the building. Last year, Zhai Xinxin was arrested on suspicion of extortion.

Su Xiangmao and Zhai Xinxin, the picture comes from the Internet

Fat Cat and Su Xiangmao both have extraordinary talents and talents in their respective fields, why were they deceived by the "scumbag"?

Moreover, if the money is gone, they can earn it again, as long as they stop the loss in time, leave the "scumbag", learn a lesson, and then work hard again, they can have a happy life in the future. But why did they lose hope in life for the sake of an unworthy person and decided to commit suicide?

Such tragedies have a great impact on parents. People in society are very complicated now, and those who used to raise daughters were afraid of being deceived by "scumbags", and now there is the same risk in raising sons!

How did this kind of tragedy come about? How do parents prevent their children from being harmed by "scumbags" and "scumbags"? The following is an in-depth analysis from the perspective of precise psychiatric psychology, which is like Sherlock Holmes solving the case, which can get closer to the truth behind it.

01, the fat cat lacks love, is afraid of being abandoned, and does not know how to identify scumbags

According to online information, the fat cat has lived in a divorced family since he was a child, and his parents divorced when he was very young. He lives in his grandmother's house, his sister raised him, and he has a younger sister. This incident is the reason why his sister and sister continue to speak out and cause concern.

The fat cat is a typical left-behind child. Like most left-behind children, he is very lacking in parental love and insecurity. He didn't get enough maternal love since he was a child, and even if he was accompanied by his sister and younger sister, he couldn't make up for the lack of this emotion.

This image is AI-generated

A large number of clinical precision psychological interventions have shown that if the parent-child relationship between children and parents of the opposite sex is poor, children are prone to excessive desire for attention from the opposite sex, and "severe love brain" appears.

This situation is generally more common in women, who are very irrational in their emotional relationships, and as long as there are men who are kind and attentive to them, they will die and fall in love. Even if these men show their true colors as "scumbags" in the future, they can't stop the loss in time, and the moths fight the fire.

If the relationship between the son and the mother is not good, there is also such a huge risk.

Moreover, the fat cat is a left-behind child, and his parents are not with him. Although it is likely that they also have real hardships and have to go out to work in order to support their families. However, this objectively gives the young fat cat a feeling of "abandoned by their parents".

If children often experience this feeling as they grow up, resulting in superimposed psychological trauma, they are prone to borderline personality abnormalities and have very low self-esteem.

People with borderline personality disorders are prone to mood swings. If they meet someone who is good to them, they will be willing to pay for each other continuously, and they don't know how to recognize whether the other party is really good to them or just superficial. Therefore, they are very easy to be deceived and PUA.

If someone close to them is leaving for some reason, their mood swings will be particularly violent, they will be agitated, impulsive and irritable, lose their temper, cry bitterly, and feel "abandoned". In fact, this is the activation of the superimposed psychological trauma that they have repeatedly felt "abandoned" before. Fat cats are most likely to have borderline personality abnormalities.

Also, although Fat Cat is very talented in the game world, he also makes a lot of money and gains some fans, which makes him regain a certain amount of self-confidence in his heart. But his communication with others is likely limited to the Internet. In real life, he is most likely unsociable and even has a certain amount of social phobia.

This made him feel even more inferior, and he had to seek satisfaction in the Internet in terms of emotional needs. According to information on the Internet, Fat Cat transferred hundreds of thousands of yuan to Tan Zhu in 2 years, but the two have only met twice. It is possible that even in the face of a "girlfriend", fat cats have social barriers, and they don't know how to get along with each other when they meet, and they would rather always be in online dating.

Fat Cat, like most left-behind children, learning has become a problem, he started doing game leveling at the age of 18, and did not continue to study after graduating from high school.

Although he seems to have stepped into society early, in fact, the circle he knows is very small, he knows very little about society, and his understanding of human nature is even simpler. Although he is 21 years old, he is actually very young in terms of psychological age and social age, and he has unrealistic fantasies about love.

More importantly, fat cats do not know how to identify "scumbags" (that is, patients with personality disorders), and they also lack the knowledge to prevent PUA. Tan Zhu has a sweet voice and outstanding appearance, deliberately throwing hugs to the fat cat, saying "husband" to him, and is likely to be interested in PUA him. The fat cat, who has lacked love since childhood and is afraid of being abandoned, has no power to resist in front of her, and is captured all of a sudden.

Maybe the fat cat also realized that he was cheated of money and feelings by Tan Zhu, but he didn't have the courage to take the initiative to end this relationship, and even wanted to continue to use money to keep it. Some netizens sighed: Tan Zhu thinks he has clever means, but he is just a fat cat willingly.

After retaining it to no avail, the fat cat fell into catastrophic thinking, feeling that his life was very miserable, he was abandoned by his parents when he was a child, and when he grew up, he gave unreservedly to the woman he loved, and he was also tragically abandoned. In intense pain, he chose to commit suicide.

As for Tan Zhu, many netizens said that she was a "fishing girl" and a "scumbag", unscrupulous for money. From the perspective of precise psychiatric psychology, the so-called "scumbags" and "scumbags" often have personality disorders, and they meet the three typical characteristics of personality disorders: lack of self-reflection awareness and ability, lack of empathy, and behavior far beyond social norms.

Tan Zhu later publicly apologized on social platforms, and also said that after the fat cat died, she had returned more than 100,000 yuan to her parents. However, anyone with a discerning eye can see that this is all due to the pressure of public opinion, not from the bottom of the heart. She doesn't feel a trace of guilt about the fat cat, and she doesn't think it's a problem for her to ask for a lot of money in the name of love.

Moreover, it is very likely that Tan Zhu has mastered some PUA skills, deliberately found some deficiencies of the fat cat, and constantly amplified, belittled and hit him, making him start to doubt himself. In the end, the fat cat fell into self-denial, thinking that he was stupid and stupid, and had a major depressive episode.

It should be emphasized here that the above analysis of Tan Zhu's personality disorder is not to help her "whitewash". Conversely, because people with personality disorders are severely lacking in self-reflection, they are likely to behave more and more out of line if they are not restrained. I hope that the fat cat's family can find a way to prosecute and defend their rights, so that Tan Zhu will be severely punished by the law, just like Zhai Xinxin.

02. How to prevent children from becoming the next "fat cat"?

Many netizens are very sympathetic to the fat cat: such a kind person, but he ended up like this! The fat cat said before his death that he wanted to eat McDonald's, and many people spontaneously ordered McDonald's and drinks to send him to the place where he jumped into the river to mourn him.

The picture comes from the Internet

Fat cats are indeed very kind and want to chase sincere love, and there is nothing wrong with that. But his mistake was that he didn't have the corresponding wisdom, couldn't identify people with personality disorders, and didn't know how to prevent PUA, and finally left the world with regrets.

It is hoped that parents should master the real scientific parenting method, effectively prevent their children from having a "love brain", and don't let their children become the next "fat cat".

First, parents should give their children real high-quality companionship and meet their children's emotional needs.

Some parents have to go out to work in order to make a living, and their children have become left-behind children, which is really helpless and sad. However, today's communication is very developed, parents can make more phone calls and video chats with their children, care about their children's daily life, and shorten the psychological distance with their children.

There are also parents who live under the same roof with their children and know to spend more time with their children, but they only provide "physical space for companionship". The children play with their own and the parents play with their phones next to them. This so-called companionship is very inefficient, lacks emotional communication with the child, and cannot enter the child's inner world.

It is hoped that parents will have a deep and correct understanding of what is meant by "high-quality companionship", which requires parents to participate wholeheartedly and use their brains to develop more meaningful activities that are of interest to their children. For example, take children outdoors to exercise, take children to museums and science museums, watch a movie as a family, cook a meal, and so on.

Second, parents should not be open-minded, consider whether they can fulfill their promises before making them, and once they have made a promise, they should fulfill them unless there are special circumstances.

In order to make their children obedient, many parents open their mouths to come, "If you do something, Mom and Dad will do what they want", and the children are full of joy and motivation.

As a result, they did, but their parents found all kinds of reasons to break their promise. Some parents don't even think about fulfilling their promises, just so that their children can meet their own requirements.

If parents often "release pigeons", it is easy for children to feel that their parents' words often do not count, and their recognition and trust in their parents will be greatly reduced, and they will even feel that their parents do not love them at all, and the parent-child relationship will deteriorate unconsciously.

Third, parents should guide their children to learn to recognize people with personality disorders, and at the same time, they should also prevent their own personality abnormalities.

The 3 typical characteristics of personality disorders have been mentioned above, and when we encounter a person with a personality disorder, if we can, we should try to stay away from it. If you really can't avoid it, you should also be wise to deal with it and avoid being hurt by it.

In addition, many parents themselves also have a certain degree of personality abnormality, they lack the awareness and ability of self-reflection, they are very self-righteous and strong in educating their children, and always impose their own ideas on their children, which has caused a lot of superimposed psychological trauma to their children.

Under the influence of their parents, children do not know how to self-reflect, and when they encounter contradictions and setbacks, they will only attribute them externally, and blame them on others.

Fourth, both parents and children should have the knowledge of "identifying PUA" and "anti-PUA".

One of the core characteristics of PUA is that it causes the victim to have serious self-doubt and lose the awareness and ability to be rational, independent thinking and self-affirming.

Therefore, in addition to giving their children specific affirmation in a timely manner, parents should also guide their children to learn self-affirmation from an early age, establish real calmness and self-confidence, rather than relying on external affirmation to gain self-confidence, let alone blind self-doubt or even self-denial because of external doubts and denials.

If this is to be achieved, it is very important that the family atmosphere is harmonious and harmonious, that there is a close parent-child relationship between parents and children, and that the child's main emotions are peaceful and happy.

In fact, there are some parents with personality abnormalities who also inadvertently "PUA" their children. However, real PUAs are ill-intentioned and selfish, but this part of the parents is not a real PUA because their intentions are often good.

They are worried about their children's pride and arrogance, so they often use the "agitation method" and "strike method" to belittle and criticize the child, saying that the child is not good enough and inferior to others, hoping to spur the child to continue to work hard.

However, there is a big problem with this approach. Children's self-confidence can easily be severely hit, with low self-esteem, insecurity, anxiety, increasing dissatisfaction with their parents, and a lot of concern for the evaluation and gaze of others. If these children later discover that their parents' approach is wrong and that they are influenced by psychoanalytic schools, they are likely to hate their parents and feel that they are controlling them.

I hope that these parents will adjust their methods in time, and I also hope that these children can be relatively rational and can keep a proper distance from their parents, but do not blindly and excessively blame and resent their parents, and avoid completely external attribution patterns and personality abnormalities.

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