Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
In the eyes of many people, marriage is two people who come together because of love, and then form a family together, have children, and walk through the future life hand in hand.
It sounds like marriage is beautiful and simple, but it's not that easy to really live.
Many couples who were in love at the beginning did not expect to live a life, and they may part ways, or even turn against each other.
But on closer inspection, it is not difficult to find that when a marriage comes to an end, it is often not because of poverty, but because of some seemingly insignificant, but enough "little things" to destroy the marriage.
So, what is the culprit that destroys marriage? Actually, the answer is "lack of communication".
01
Communication is poor and emotions are difficult to transmit
In married life, if husband and wife can't communicate normally, the two people are like an iceberg, you don't understand me, I don't understand you, and the temperature of the relationship plummets.
In fact, many couples have big problems in communication.
Maybe it's because I'm busy at work, maybe it's because of my personality, I can't express my feelings effectively, or maybe it's because of the wrong way of communication, and I can't say two sentences and I will break up unhappily.
In the long run, this kind of poor communication between husband and wife will directly lead to the difficulty of transmitting emotions, and the distance between the two people will become farther and farther away.
Imagine that the wife returns home after a busy day, hoping to get her husband's care and understanding, but she doesn't say it directly.
But the husband only looked at his mobile phone, and did not feel the tiredness of his wife, and did not even say a greeting.
Such a scene is playing out in many families.
When a wife feels her husband's indifference, she will be more or less disappointed and sad in her heart, and maybe she will also have resentment towards her husband.
Once resentment arises, it will affect the relationship between two people, how can a happy marriage?
02
Misunderstandings and suspicions, rifts of trust
The lack of communication in marriage can easily lead to misunderstandings and suspicions.
When there is no way for couples to communicate openly and honestly about each other's thoughts and feelings, it is easy to misunderstand each other based on speculation.
A small misunderstanding, if not explained clearly in time, may turn into a big contradiction.
And suspicion is the "killer" of marriage, once the seeds of suspicion are planted, the husband and wife will slowly lose trust, and then this marriage will already exist in name only.
For example, there are some couples who live separately, the wife takes care of the children and the elderly at home, while the husband works in other places.
When people are not around, and there is a lack of communication with each other, the wife begins to wonder if her husband has someone else outside.
This suspicion made her restless, full of anxiety and worry. What is shown is cynicism and even unreasonable to her husband.
For the husband, he can also feel anger and disappointment because of his wife's distrust. Eventually, the marriage was on the verge of collapse amid suspicion and misunderstanding.
03
Cold war and silence, the distance between hearts is getting farther and farther away
When there is a conflict between husband and wife, many people will choose cold war and silence to deal with it.
In their view, they feel that this will avoid quarrels and conflicts, but in reality, it will only make the problem worse and the relationship more strained.
Especially in the Cold War, both husband and wife will fall into a painful and tormented mood.
At this time, the most obvious feeling is that the other party is indifferent and alienated from him. But they are not willing to take the initiative to break this deadlock.
On the one hand, it is because there is resentment in my heart, and on the other hand, I always hope that the other party will compromise and give in first.
But a long cold war will only gradually wear out the relationship between husband and wife, and eventually lead to the breakdown of the marriage.
04
Effective communication is the best medicine to save a marriage
Since lack of communication is the main reason for destroying a marriage, effective communication is the "good medicine" to save the marriage.
Truly effective communication is when both husband and wife can calmly express their thoughts and feelings, and the two of them have a discussion to face and solve problems together.
In this process, you must not only know how to express, but also be good at listening, don't always keep talking by yourself, or you always interrupt when the other party is speaking, so there is no way to communicate.
As psychologist John Gottman said, "Communication is the key to solving marital problems." ”
Only through effective communication can the husband and wife ease the relationship, eliminate misunderstandings between each other, enter each other's hearts, and make the distance between hearts infinitely closer.
When husband and wife can communicate sincerely, then the marriage has moved towards the door of happiness.
Many times, it is not poverty that destroys marriages, but the words "lack of communication".
In order to protect your marriage, start by learning to speak well, and work hard to make your marriage happy.