The best state of life,
It's about focusing on yourself.
Author: Insight Leyla
In 1982, writer Chen Zhongzhong was 40 years old.
At this age when he is not confused, he lives an extremely uneasy life.
Because that year, he saw in the newspaper that Lu Yao's "Life" had been published and won an award.
When he finished reading the 130,000-word novel overnight, "his body was paralyzed all of a sudden, and he fell from self-confidence to inferiority." ”
He realized that this offspring, who was 7 years younger than him, had already distanced themselves from each other.
In the years since, Chen Zhongzhong has always been concerned about the progress of Lu Yao's new book.
found that Lu Yao's new works continued, and he became more and more painful.
He kept telling himself, "If I could only write those short and medium-length stories, I wouldn't have even had a book to use as a pillow by the time I died." ”
But the more I think about it, the more I can't write anything.
Later, Chen Zhongzhong finally found that if he always kept an eye on Lu Yao's progress, he couldn't do anything.
So, he decided to block all news, returned to his hometown Baqiao with his luggage, and devoted himself to writing his book.
In Baqiao, the signal in the village is quite blocked, which allows him to calm down and create.
Finally, after 6 years of accumulation, "White Deer Plain" was successfully published, and Chen Zhongzhong's writing career also ushered in the peak of his life.
Writer Ma De once said: "Sometimes, the more you care about the world, the less you exist, and the more you care about others, the harder it is to live yourself." ”
A lot of troubles in life come from caring too much about others.
When you get used to focusing too much on others, the pain of comparison will follow.
1
There is a "Barnum effect" in psychology.
It refers to the fact that we are often distracted by the information around us and lose ourselves, and use the words and deeds of others as a reference for our own actions.
For example, you were living happily, but when you saw that a post-00s blogger earned tens of millions of dollars a month, you felt extremely anxious;
You were living happily, but when you suddenly heard that a relative was better off than you, you fell into a deep sense of frustration;
You used to live comfortably, but when you find that your old classmates, who were once inferior to you, have now moved into a luxury villa, you start to be unbalanced......
In fact, in the final analysis, the root cause of suffering is not that we are not doing well ourselves, but that we are too concerned about the lives of others.
British writer Smith wrote the story of a lawyer.
The lawyer's life was very painful because he always cared about the people around him and compared them with each other.
When he saw that the material conditions of others were superior to his own, he was filled with an inferiority complex in his heart.
So he worked crazy overtime, eager to surpass others in wealth.
When he learns that someone else's child is outperforming his own in school, he will be so irritable that he can't sleep.
So he made a demanding study plan for his children, trying to catch up with others.
At a party, he ran into an old classmate.
He was surprised to find that the other party now not only has a successful career, but also a happy family, and even has more hair than himself.
This deeply stimulated him: "Why is he not as good as me when he was a child, but now he is living so well?"
This excessive attention to the outside world made him so anxious that he couldn't sleep all night, and even needed medicine to relieve his inner torment.
Writer Zhang Yan said:
If you care too much about others, you can't live according to your heart.
In the long run, life will lose its direction, like a boat in a torrent, always spinning in the whirlpool, and sooner or later it will die underwater.
You know, human energy is limited, attention is scarce.
If you are always used to seeing how others are doing, it will be difficult for you to be well.
Because when you see that others are inferior to yourself, you get carried away;
When you see that you are not as good as others, you will be saddened.
If you peep too much into other people's lives, then your joys, sorrows, and sorrows will be controlled by others.
Over time, life will lose its way, and the tragedy of life will quietly come.
2
In an interview, someone asked Bai Yansong: "How to survive in the current impetuous society?"
Bai Yansong said with a smile: "Since you know that the current society is very impetuous, you have to prescribe medicine for yourself."
I don't want to waste a lot of time on my phone, I want to be free to take control of my time. Otherwise, the phone becomes handcuffed. ”
It's not just phones, actually.
Anything that consumes you, taking a second look is a waste of energy.
The writer Kuankuan was mixed in the major circles of Beijing when he was young.
Whenever she opened her circle of friends and saw her friends living a glamorous life, she felt extremely anxious.
For a while, she saw that her former friend had bought a property in a "prime location", and she was very envious.
In order to buy such a big house, she worked day and night, relying only on three or four hours of sleep every day.
However, the overwork eventually caused her to fall ill and be admitted to the hospital.
After waking up, she finally began to reflect:
Is everything you are pursuing really what you want?
Or is it because you see that others have it, so you pursue it yourself?
After figuring it out, she made up her mind not to pay too much attention to the life trajectories of others.
So she resolutely quit her original job and moved to Dali with her husband.
In this place away from the hustle and bustle of the city, she escapes the ubiquitous comparisons and rivalries.
She no longer cares whether others buy houses and cars, and she doesn't care if others are doing better than herself.
Every day, she just walks the streets at a leisurely pace, then admires the beautiful light and shadow of the sun as it slowly sets.
Gradually, she finally regained her inner peace and clarified her true needs.
Later, she also opened a café with her husband and enjoyed a quiet and fulfilling life in ordinary days
Han Han said: "Life is not about climbing mountains, nor is it about deep and shallow trenches, he just sleeps out of your body on a standard bed." ”
In this fast-paced world, we are always used to paying attention to other people's lives.
In the process of gazing, you will unconsciously envy the wealth, status, and fame that others have.
However, this excessive focus will only plunge yourself into endless troubles and losses.
Because whether other people's lives are good or bad has nothing to do with you.
He is strong, he is strong, and the breeze blows on the hills.
In a life that cannot be repeated, the most important thing is always yourself.
When you truly return your attention to yourself, you can escape the shackles of pain and live life as it should.
3
Yu Qiuyu once shared an experience in the program "Let's Talk".
For several years, he devoted himself to the search for the ruins of the world's ancient civilizations.
As a result, they are almost isolated from the rest of the world, with no access to news in newspapers and on television.
After the archaeology, he asked his friend, "What has happened in the world in the past few years?"
It only took me ten minutes to give a concise overview of the major events that have taken place around the world in the past few years.
Then, it took another five minutes to summarize the important events that took place in China.
After listening to his friend's story, Yu Qiuyu couldn't help but sigh: "I have been isolated from the world for the past few years, and it seems that I have not lost anything." ”
The streets are full of people, 99% of whom have nothing to do with us;
There was a lot of excitement in the circle of friends, and we were just irrelevant spectators.
So, instead of trying to focus on other people's lives, you should concentrate on living your own life.
As a famous German philosopher, Kant has always been a "strange old man" in the eyes of the world.
He never left Königsberg in his life, and he cared little about the outside world.
He has no wife, no children, and no concern for the outside world.
In the seemingly lonely time, he was able to immerse himself in his own field and wrote the world-renowned "Critique of Pure Reason".
Although Kant lived a life without glitz and bustle, he lived an extraordinarily peaceful and fulfilling life.
Zhou Guoping once said: "Only when the heart is rich and full can we calmly resist all the restlessness and restlessness in the world." ”
Those who are transparent enough will not blindly pursue outward, but grow inward.
There is no need to live in your own troubles and look up to the happiness of others;
You don't have to stand in your place and enjoy the scenery of others.
In a complex world, managing one's life well is the best way to survive.
▽
Once, a reporter interviewed the president of the world's largest travel chain:
"You dropped out of school at the age of 14 and washed dishes and collected dishes in a hotel, but you got to where you are today.
And the people you worked with in the past may still be doing the same job in a small restaurant.
Did you think that there was such a big gap between you and them?"
The president smiled: "On my way forward, I didn't see anyone else. ”
In the journey of life, everyone's fate is different.
What you have to do is not to look at others, let alone try to compete with them.
It's about living this life at your own pace.
When you stop looking elsewhere and focus on your own growth, you will eventually find the happiness you want.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.